I know for us as we look forward to the new year, we often talk, as most do, about goals and dreams for the new year. Looking for new adventures to plan, organizing to do, teaching, learning, birthdays...but first today as I glanced through facebook this morning a lot of my friends had very uplifting stories on their news feeds.
I've been blessed recently with lots of new friendships, friends that have helped me verbalize the things that I have dealt with in my past, that I just like to let just be. A friend and I have been talking lately about our pasts about how we have grown up and the things we learned or didn't learn about God growing up. Those things that we inadvertently learned from those around us.
As many of you that know me personally know I am a true introvert, I don't really like coming out of my shell until I'm comfortable with the situation or I can wrap my head around it. I've been blessed to be around other people who want to hear my story. I have often wondered why we went through the things we did in our early days of dating and marriage. (to be honest I still don't know however I know one day God will reveal to us the reason.) For now though as I look back on that fateful season of our lives that started about 7 years ago, it feels as though it was yesterday.
During this season of life I learned a lot about me and my relationship with God, in the midst of a very hurtful time for me and my family, I decided to focus the hurt and the uncertainty into searching and looking for answers from God about what my future would look like. This time period taught me a lot about the ways people deal with disappointment, hurt, anger, and letting go. What happened is a very long story and I'm very open to talking about it but I don't think the best thing would be to air it online. There was a huge disagreement between me and someone very close to me about my future. We had two very different opinions on how it would look, and in the end I made the decision that made sense to me. I weighed the options, I looked at the positives and negatives, the hurt, anger the healing all that would stand on the other side of the ultimatum placed ahead of me.
However like most things you cant fully grasp the waves a jump will cause until you make that leap. When we jumped I had an indescribable peace, I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt I was doing was I was supposed to do and I stand by my decision. I have seen healing and calling in my life. I have seen God work in such mighty ways in the past 7 years, that words just don't paint a good enough picture. Our God is incredible, through it all.
......................................There is a flip side.........................................................
on the other side is anger and bitterness, these are the results of not letting go, of dwelling in the past. Living under bitterness is a weight I don't care to even imagine, let alone live under it. I know that it keeps you down, it draws a line in the sand and holds you there. Bitterness, Anger and Hate don't let you move forward they keep you in the midst of it. You surround yourself with only those who agree with you, and you cut off all the others. In the midst of it though your right, and justified. It is toxic to your relationships.
The greatest part of this as sad and bleak as it looks there is always hope. Healing can always come, it is always darkest before the dawn. There is light.
The biggest difference between these two is a choice. That choice lies with you don't live in bitterness, anger and hate. Seek healing, hope and God. Let me tell you bitterness is the easier road, you don't have to deal with the stuff. Healing is worth the pain of dealing with the hurt caused by a situation. A situation that is brought upon by the brokenness of this world. Our pastor in Colorado would always say, "Don't get Bitter, Get Better." and always remember that, "Hurt people hurt people." These words spoke to me so deeply as I was working through the healing process and just moving forward with life.
I have the greatest hope for the future, I know that God has paved a way for me and my family and I've seen him work in such great and powerful ways. I know he has a plan for the steinshouer's and you know what he has a plan for you. Its never to late to leave bitterness behind and get better. God has great plans for each and everyone us. He created us in his own image and the greatest thing is he loves us fully and unconditionally. Did you catch that? I didn't for a while there is nothing that you can do that will make God love you any less!!!
I feel as though I'm rambling before I continue on forever :) because our God's love is that great...let us draw this to a close. We have all been hurt by those we care about the most, in that hurt choose healing. It is always worth it, at the end of bitterness comes healing and calling. Lets move forward and find our callings together.
When we lived in Colorado our pastor would always say don't get bitter get better.
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