As many of you may know I'm optimistic to a fault...almost ninety percent of the time. The other ten percent is evened out by my equally optimistic husband. Except you see you when I'm running apparently. Every negative thought comes into my brain, all the negative self talk that I've worked for years to overcome, comes flowing back. I doubt myself and man oh man I complain...I feel really bad for my run buddy. It really is thanks to her I'm actually running at all, because another thing most people know about me is that my husband runs and not me...well apparently we are both runners. I'm just as surprised as you are right now.
We took it slow getting into running. She didn't think she could do it and I knew if it was something she wanted to do, that she could do it...no doubt. I knew I would have to follow a plan or I'd end up on the sideline after 3 days of running. So we found a plan and started...slowly but surely, starting with intervals working up through the longer intervals to where we are today. Yesterday we ran for 30 minutes and it felt great. However, let me back up to the reason I actually set down to write this...after all the title is "fail" and that is obviously not where we are right now.
So we had been doing really good, following plan, running 3 days a week, rain, cold or warm, even thanksgiving day we ran...Then came Christmas travels and all the busyness that comes with the holiday season. So I missed some runs, I tried to run and due to a cold ended up only running for 10 mins...so by the time we got home and were able to run our 30 min runs seemed like an eternity and every part of my body ached and I regretted the day I agreed to run...all that self doubt and negative self talk came back with a vengeance for about 2 weeks...it was awful I couldn't figure out what had changed, the best part?! Just when I didn't think it could get any worse...I tanked I was congested, I probably shouldn't haven been running but I couldn't miss another one, so there I was 10-15 mins in and my body decides it cant go any further. I cant breathe all the stuff that is keeping me congested wont move, so I stop, I was so frustrated but she graciously stopped running with me and we walked and talked, about Jesus, about what God was doing in our lives, about what God was teaching us...after about half a mile I felt better and we finished...but I felt defeated. How can it go from such a good place to me not even feeling like I could finish?? I left that run with a big red F ... I just couldn't understand ... I sulked but moved on no use in dwelling.... right??
Reluctantly we got back out there I mean we do have a race coming up so we have to keep going, plus she is counting on me...accountability can be such a pain sometimes but man its necessary. We started our run and it wasn't feeling too bad but my shin was bothering me and I was just begging God to not let it develop into shin splints...then my knee...then my hip...cue doubt and sulking...but I tried to keep quiet, no need to be negative and share that...As we were running she asked about our bible study that we had just started that morning. I gave her a "quick" synopsis in between breaths and we slowed our pace a little so I wasn't gasping for air between sentences. I noticed a change in our run, in how I was feeling, in the ease of the run. We weren't focusing inward, we shifted it off the doubt and turned it on Jesus. I tell you what, Jesus met us and even though we had to make a pit stop it felt effortless to start up again to keep going.
I lost my focus...I let my sight be set on me and my petty issues instead of the transformation that can come from the deep Jesus moments you can have with a friend on a run. Jesus...oh our sweet sweet Jesus just meets us where we are and joins us. He helps us see how trivial these annoyances are and how we can overcome. You see I am an overcomer, a conqueror, a co-heir with Jesus, I'm a daughter, fully loved and fully forgiven. Those things are true. Thank you Jesus for reminding me that all I really want and need is you.
Failure isn't at all what it seems most of the time, but what failure can do is suffocate if we let it. Don't ever let anyone tell you, that you are a failure, that there is no hope for redemption or a future and that you should quit because that isn't truth. Its only a true fail, if we fail to see Jesus, if we stay there in the failure. Look up and out. Jesus is so much bigger than the circumstances you see yourself in.
No comments:
Post a Comment