Fear

Fear, I've had a dance with you most of life. I function well under your pressure...or I guess I should say  I feel "safest" there. You promise me lies and I often fall prey to each one of these every time. I envy those who can see their fears and not only rise above them but overcome them. It seems like such a seamless battle for them. Their sheer tenacity and determination to destroy their fears is awe inspiring to me.

For me, fear, hiding in your shadow is something I know all to well. Hearing the lies the enemy whispers over me keeps me there so much more often than I would like to admit. Thanks to the relationship I have been blessed with, with my husband he has greatly encouraged me to face them in a whole other way.

I think the most humbling part of my relationship with fear is how easily I fall back into that relationship. I long to overcome it, to successfully lay it to rest. I get so angry with myself for falling so quickly and easily back into old habits. I hate myself for allowing it to have power over me. The self talk I have with myself over this shortcomings aren't for the faint of heart.

I often wonder how I arrived back into the arms of fear, anxiety and where I was before. When I can look around in my life and see how far I've come in so many other areas.  Why cant I overcome this? What am I doing wrong? I should be able to fix it!

The lies I'm told and often believe in the midst is that
 -I can fix this
 -It will get better
 -I can make it better,
 -It is all my fault,
 -I should have a better handle on this,
 -why/how did you let it get this far,
 -you cant tell now because you have let it get here,
 -no one will accept you if you open up,
 -you're the only one that struggles with this,
 -you should really be better at this, everyone else is.
 -why of all things do you struggle with this
 -keeping this from them is for their good, you can make it better and overcome

failure, mistakes have always been something to fear in my life. Nothing short of perfection is acceptable. How many things are you excellent at in your life? Most of these things are as absurd as they sound, but I believe them far too often. I stay under them, hold them near and dear. Even though I know the freedom that lies outside of these lies. I often wonder why it feels safer here? I think its because its what I know. Despite the deep longing to change its so difficult to break old habits, that are about as old as me.

Here are the truths I KNOW deep down in my soul that often are overshadowed way to easily by the fear

 -Everyone has their thing they struggle with
 -failure and mistakes are part of living, they are to be celebrated because its part of learning
 -you can't learn without failure and mistakes
 -I accept my failures in baking but not in most other areas
 -Thanks to a truly incredible gift I have a husband who loves me with the 1 Corinthians Love
 -I am not defined by this
 -I cannot do this on my own
 -My partnership is stronger than me
 -No amount of justifying has or will make it better
 -the perfect time to restart, to expose fear, failure and mistakes is now, you can't go back, you can't change it but you can begin again today and move forward a new today!

I long to change and be different. I know that on my own I cant. Does it make me stronger to know that? Does the strength only come when I sit down and lay it all out? Can my partner only come by my side to help me succeed if I let him all the way in? I think that's what I've been called to for far to long. I know I've put this off longer than I should, but I also know there isn't any better day than today, even though before could have been better.

I wonder why this is what I struggle with. Then I look at my husband and I see that this is a great strength for him. Isn't that beautiful? and at moments utterly frustrating? I long to do better, to honor him with every area of my life so that our Marriage can show how God works, how God loves, How God calls each of us to sharpen one another, to drive each other on.

Without this struggle it would be something else, right? We all have our thing our struggle, that thorn in our flesh that keeps us humble, that daily reminds us of our constant need for a savior. For the one who came and promised to be our advocate. He reminds me that no of this is for nothing. Every struggle, every thing that draws us out of comfortable. Everything that causes me to step out of fears shadow, of the self constructed walls of lies that I carefully create so that it appears safe and together. I wonder why I trust myself over my Father who literally created the world is beyond me. It is so easy for me to land in my own power, to let myself fall prey to the lies.

So I take it day by day, I refocus, I lay it down in front of my Father, I trust that what he has been nudging me to do, that I should have done way before now. I remember I cant go back only forward, so today armed with His strength I step out and move forward and anxiously rest in his hands. Trusting that he has gone before me, that even though there is consequences that is also part of life. Strength and peace there.

Lets walk forward, knowing that its ok to misstep, make mistakes, that even when the lies want to keep you hidden away in the dark, that's no way to live. You can't fix it on your own. Those around you are there to support you and they will. The lies are just that, the enemy of our souls wants us to stay there, he is safe with us there, out of the shadow we can and will shine brighter. There is no shame there, only hope, only a brighter future.

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. 1 John 4:18

 - I don't know about you but I'm ready to be made perfect in Love!

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a

 -keeping something hidden in fear is not protecting the one you love the deepest, its just protecting you. (face palm) half truths are still lies no matter how it is painted in our society. It feels safer to stay there, its easy to convince yourself where you are is ok, its harder to avoid the deep drawing out to know its really not.
 -best intentions are just that, but you also cant live behind should haves, could haves and would haves.
 -truly trusting your partner and your savior is, trusting that they Love you, they want the best for you and nothing in the world would change that, despite what your fear, and past are screaming at you!

My truths, I am empowered, I can trust that still small voice/nudging, I don't have to know the outcome, I don't have to be in control, I'm grateful for the days I have, I'm grateful for new days and new beginnings, I'm thankful I'm not alone and that I don't have to do it alone. I need to stand in that and along with my partner.

Even though I cant change the past I can move forward and try again. This time different, longing for discernment, wisdom and guidance.

Faith, Hope, Love and Calling

Its a typical fourth Thursday night here in Arlington Tx, last full week of school we are just moms, every day ordinary women. One of us has two boys and is a stay at home mom, one has two boys expecting number three she works part time her kids and hubs have been sick this week. One who is a mom to three she works full time fulfilling a dream and a calling she's had for a long time. One is a newly wed who works full time and she has just fallen in love with the simplicity that is our Thursday night every two weeks.

You see we are all tired, for various reasons, up late or all night with sick kiddos, up with a heavy heart for those God has called you to love, or simply because your hubs has slept super well and since its allergy season in North Texas he's been snoring. We all have other things we could be doing during this time. We each have a hundred reasons not to go. We all have excuses, better things...yet we come together.

Its simple really, sitting at the feet of those Jesus loves more deeply than we can fathom. Each one unique, each one with a different purpose and calling on their lives. Some who are broken, searching for something different, longing, some who love Jesus but they are just discouraged, others still who are leaning into Jesus and they are a light in the day to day life at a homeless shelter.

One of these precious ladies just had a baby, she is living in a shelter. She is just thankful her and her perfect little 10 day old baby have a place to sleep. We have had the privilege to walk alongside this mama through the last few months of her pregnancy. As I was searching for verses for this sweet mama I was reminded that... You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand. Psalm 16:11 Give all your cares and worries to God for he cares about you 1Peter 5:7 Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken Psalm 55:22... Because of Jesus, I have hope, I have help. This truth. This Hope. That's what we long to bring where we serve. That's why we serve, despite the hundreds of reasons.

At a conference this spring the speaker said, what if we ran towards the danger, the unknown, the uncomfortable, instead of staying where we are. After all God calls us to him, he sends and equips us. He grows us, walks beside us and LOVES us so that we can Love others. Love them well. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another. John 13:35

What is God calling you to? Where is he calling you that scares you and makes you question everything?? RUN TO THAT. Dwell there. Jesus will meet you right there. He will sustain you, carry you, He alone can make your burden light, He alone can be strength in our weakness. Share it in whatever way God uses because even if you never see the fruit of it God is working. Serve God and Serve others this summer. Love them well.

Love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy. It does not boast, it is not proud, it does not dishonor others, it is not self seeking, it is not easily angered. It keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preservers. Love Never Fails... Three things will last forever-- Faith, Hope and Love -- and the greatest of these is Love. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8&13

Here I am

There are several ways I'd describe myself, I love Jesus, I love my family and I love to cook. I'm passionate, I'm better at articulating words in writing than speaking and I really enjoy writing. I like having control or at least the illusion of it, I like surprises when I know what they are, I love sleep. I have the same lies that often play on repeat often times before I realize.

This girl...has carried these lies her whole life. You know the ones, we aren't good enough, we aren't pretty enough, our mistakes cost too much, our mistakes define us, our sin, our scarlet letters are who we are... I've been carrying around lies like this and a longing to measure up to gain approval, the approval I'm longing for I probably wont ever receive. No matter what I do right, no matter what I accomplish, it doesn't matter what my life will ever look like.

However, I was reminded this weekend at IF:Gathering that I don't have to carry this around anymore. I have the approval of my creator. I have been made new and those lies, that approval, that jar that I've been carrying striving to fill it and Jesus takes it. He looks me in the face, calls me by my name, calls me loved. He reminds me that no mistake costs too much, his grace is sufficient.

Life has been weird. God is doing something inside, He's moving in ways I don't understand. I can feel something big coming. There are big questions. I feel like more things are up than down. I feel like the things God is calling us towards are huge and beginning on them seems monumental. I have this quirk where when  I face something huge I tend to freeze or run away. I want to hide.

I have this longing to simplify life, to get back to basics to meet with people in genuine settings, feed them love them and deep down in my soul I have a desire to just say Here I am... Even though I don't fully know what that looks like. I want to transform our home into a safe place for people to come where we can sit at the table and eat, and fellowship over dinner. I want to open our home for visitors more. I want to say No and not regret it. <-- can I say there aren't many times especially in this season that I have regretted saying no to obligations in this season of life and its freeing. I have this deep longing to just abide in Jesus, to let go, rest and GO. I want to obey in freedom, dwell in his peace and trust him.

So right now...I'm letting go and surrendering. As I pick it up I strive to lay it back down in the hands of my Father who knows me so well, who has gifted me with many talents, with a wonderful husband and two amazing boys and a BIG calling...

Praying forward...walking forward boldly (hesitantly) but abiding and trusting that He knows full well what lies ahead. Praying for you. That you would let go, that you will just dive into what God is calling you to do big or small, walk in obedience, its worth it. I challenge you to find that calling that thing that just lights a fire that keeps you up at night and give it your all. give 100 percent into it and God will supply.

wilderness

this season of life has been different, challenging, one of those where the biggest part doesn't make much sense. Its a season where a lot of things are up in the air. In bible study this week we studied Revelation 12 about how God protected the woman by preparing a place for her...in the wilderness.

I almost skipped it... I almost missed this epiphany...

because

I was running late... C wasn't feeling well... I had other things I "needed" to do..

but instead we went any way. I'm thankful I did. Life hasn't felt the same for a while. "securities" and comforts taken away one by one. Others pulled rather quickly from under our feet. Leaving us in the midst of "getting comfortable being uncomfortable" raw, real and seemingly alone. God has proven faithful around every turn, in ways beyond our comprehension.

We ended 2015 uncomfortable but finding our grips there, learning to dwell in the security that the Holy Spirit brings outside of worldly things. Coming into 2016 delving deeper...I don't know about you but deeper... feels harder than uncomfortable. It seems more inside out, all encompassing, unknown, surrender...

A year and a half ago God took our lives in a direction we never saw coming. God intertwined our lives with a country we cannot get off our minds and hearts. I cannot go to sleep without thinking about what I need to do. There is a passion, a fire that is burning us to do something from the inside out. The question now is...how?? when?  open doors and we will follow...regardless.

wilderness: a wild uncultivated region, uninhabited, deprived of a place and protection of others, lonely, feel a lack, deprivation.

I've been fighting this season. I don't like it...but its where we are and if I just embrace it lean into it, dwell there God will show his abundance. He leads us to these places to take away our dependencies on the world and show us how big and great he is.

There are things in my life that just seem to be sitting in the same place and same condition I left them despite my pleading, there are other things that just aren't going like I planned, and still other things out there that are there and I don't know why. Despite me... Despite what I see... He is working... Having faith in the midst... Dwelling there... waiting there...

Striving each day to focus on the One who has already won. Victory is ours, the beautiful thing about the wilderness that God created...He created it just for her and no matter how long the war rages God will always protect us.

Remembering that...He has us safe and secure despite how we feel in the moment.

I Do

It's been 9 years since the day we said, "I Do". 9 crazy, amazing, beautiful, challenging, life bringing years. 16 days after we said our vows we moved from Missouri to Colorado. My hubs started a new job, I went to a new University in a place where we knew no one. For the first two weeks, we were broke and sick. It's amazing how many obstacles faced our marriage in the first 30 days. Looking back over the last 9 - 10 years that we have known each other God has prepared us for struggles, for tough times, and how to ride through them together.

As I sit and reflect over all the things that we have just lived through its hard to believe its only been 9 years. The beautiful thing... The thing that takes my breath away and humbles me to the core... There is SO MUCH more ahead. I mean going into year 10, we have our hearts broken for the children in India, we have 2 amazing young men that have hearts to make a difference, we have the best community around us that anyone could ask for.

I love having our anniversary so close to Christmas and New Years because of Christ we are New and each new year holds something that we cannot prepare for on our own. This is the time of year that we self evaluate, redirect, refocus. Its also a time we celebrate and look forward. Isn't that every day of marriage??

I'm so honored to be married to my hubs. Together we have walked a long ways, through some deep, hard stuff, things that have been buried deep. You know one the beautiful things about marriage?? One of my favorite things...it challenges us to change, to become better, to grow. I cannot tell you how grateful I am to have him as my partner in crime, the one who is going to get ankle deep in the water pouring out of our garage with, that will pull up our brand new carpet so it can air dry, the one who will forgive me, who cherishes me, who will go out and go before, who prays daily for us, seeks God on our behalf and also his so that he can be the best he can be. My heart is so full, life is messy, but the beauty that God is creating, the things he has in store from this year of getting comfortable being uncomfortable... WOW.

I'm speechless. I'm ready ... but I'm not ... I'm excited and so thankful that God is using us. Here's to one of my favorite days of the year!! The day I get to celebrate with the love of my life, this life that has been given to us.

Don't be afraid of what God is calling you to, he will equip you to do it. In every season, God goes before us and allows things to happen to prepare us for what is to come. The biggest challenge is letting that change happen. Being able to just rest and trust that what he is doing in our lives although painful, tough or amazing its all for His glory and to work all things together for our good.

Love wins.

1 Corinthians 13: 4 - 8a
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes and always preservers. Love Never Fails

Be encouraged. The greatest fruit of the Spirit is Love. Let Love win. my prayers with you until we meet again.

Waiting

What are you waiting on today? Have you been wearing out the floor by your bed pleading to God to answer that prayer for a break through in your finances? your marriage? healing in relationships? a job? a ministry that you have felt called to but it isn't going any were??

Merriam-Webester defines wait as:
1. to stay in place in expectation of
2. to delay serving (meal)
3. to serve as a waiter

1 a.to remain stationary in readiness or expectation
   b.to pause for another to catch up

2 a. to look forward expectantly
    b .to hold back expectantly

3. to serve at meals

4 a. to be ready and available
   b. to remain temporarily neglected or unrealized.

Waiting...its one of those things we do daily. I don't handle waiting very well, most of us don't. When I'm waiting most of the time I feel most like 4b's definition. I wallow, panic, worry, doubt, question, wonder...pray, seek, read, talk to others....panic, worry...you know how it goes but most often I think when we are called to wait or we are in a season of waiting on God to perform those big things that only he can do is to remain stationary in readiness and expectation. to look forward expectantly, to be ready and available.

Instead of becoming bored, overwhelmed or even underwhelmed, stay focused look to God watching expectantly for what he has in store.

This year as been a year of getting comfortable being uncomfortable. We have been stretched in ways we didn't know we needed to be stretched, areas that needed stretching for a while, even those areas that just need to be refined a little more. One of those areas of course is waiting, you know those fruits of the spirit?! peace, patience, self control?! all roll up into how we are supposed to handle waiting. (HAHAHAHA right) well you know how when something needs to be refined God has a way of refining it to make us look more like him!! So needless to say in this season of getting comfortable...God is refining our waiting skills.

If we would have been able to control it there would be an orphanage built in India, all of the orphans would be sponsored. Little changes wouldn't throw us off, those unexpected things wouldn't come and everything would just work out, with as little stress as possible.

God loves us to be in a constant state of dependence on him. He wants us to long for time with him. A little over a month ago in Mid October a friend of mine and I sat down for coffee in my living room for a much needed chat. It began with the normal, kids, husbands, life, work, etc but eventually came around to a well prayed around part of both of our lives. Something we both lay before Jesus daily, the orphanage those 32 boys who desperately need a home. My husband who feels called to get it done. Lots of ideas...followed closely by a whole lot of closed doors...

until

 

God shows up and says now

 

The venue was available

The ideas came together

The team formed

The date was selected

 

November 21...

 

 

The kicker?? its October 21. 30 days to plan...prepare and make this thing happen. What an incredible, wild, crazy, adventure filled, drawing our team of 4 out of our comfort zones into the midst of something simply perfect. God showed up and showed off in such a great and powerful way and allowed us to pull it off. Our goal for the fundraiser was 5,000 and we thought that was high...you wanna know how God showed up and showed off?? as of right now because of this fundraiser we have over $15,000 towards the orphanage!!!

 

 

We have been trying so hard to accomplish a fraction of this for over a year...but God had something else. He had a bigger plan in his timing. It is all coming together. We aren't sure how its going to look but wow are we excited and ready.

 

So be encouraged. He is working. He hears your prayers, counts your tears...He's preparing the way. It will all come together. If it all seems hopeless and up in the air, grab coffee with a friend, seek him together because that helps, community helps you see the light when the darkness hides it and the lies confuse. Stay focused it will all come together in time. Hold fast to his promises...He is always true to his word. 

Divine Interruptions

Life can be crazy, busy, loaded with to-do lists, as the year winds down and holidays are in full swing. Throw in planning a fundraiser, talking to the mayor and holiday travels and life gets a bit more complicated. You plan moments and minutes trying to fit in every single conversation you possibly can with potential donors. Praying that God goes before and guides your way so the little bit of time you have to devote isn't wasted.

In the midst of yesterday and our to-do list...our day didn't go as planned. we didn't make it to one place to share our hearts and passion about building an orphanage and getting the funds to begin phase 1 by the end of the year. I wasn't ready for a busy day, a day full of running and talking and entertaining little people. Yesterday ended with sweet conversations about what Jesus is doing in the lives of women in Arlington, Tx. How God is moving, building, changing, molding, calling, burdening. We didn't accomplish much yesterday, but we listened to God. We allowed him to slow us down and interrupt our plans and for one moment this week we allowed him to place us in the right place at the right time.

We miss these moments a lot because we don't sit still long enough to listen to the gentle nudging's of the Holy Spirit. The things we are doing are good things and they are things that God has called us to do. However, in these things he has called us to he wants us to rely on him. God puts us in situations so he can show up and show off. He give us challenges so that we remember we need him.

All the opportunities we thought we "missed" yesterday God replaced in bigger better ways today. You know I'm not sure how this fundraiser is going to turn out or how we are going to raise the $50,000 for phase 1, but I know God knows, God has a plan, God is going before us.

There is a barn in Arlington that is going to be a meeting ground for lots of people to come together to love on some orphans across the world, to let them know that not only do some crazy Americans who love Jesus love them but more importantly that God loves them and that God can do all things.

Allow him to interrupt you, to switch the plans, he's got time in his hands and will always go before you. Pave the way and make a difference, trust that, abide there. In that crazy reality that is full dependence on the savior of our hearts. He has it all.

Love

1 Corinthians 13: 1-8 

Love is Indispensable

If I speak in the tongues of men or angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess too the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.

Love is Patient, Love is kind.

It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.

It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, 

it keeps no record of wrongs.

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with truth.

It always protects, always trusts,

always hopes, always perseveres.

 

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease;

where there are tongues, they will be stilled;

 

As I was talking to my hubs this morning before he went to work. We were talking about love and how we love our boys, how the love for our boys seems to overshadow most of their faults, the mistakes, the things they do that drive us bonkers. The love we have for them overshadows their faults. Love allows us to see their best parts. Love allows us to keep no record of their wrongs, it rejoices when they are honest and it helps us mold them into the men God is calling them to be.

Life at our house is surround by being molded and shaped we are in a season of going through the fire while God mold us and shapes us to be more like him and its hard. Its so hard. Some days in the midst of the refiners fire my anxiety flares up and I feel like I'm drowning, I feel like God is refining every flaw in me and growing us in every area possible and I don't know if I can take much more. The truth is I cant I was done with this whole process months ago, but God isn't through he loves us too much to let us stay as we are...thankful but man its painful. So thankful he loves us enough to change us.

As we were talking about how love allows us to keep no record of wrongs and allows us to look past each others flaws and mistakes. It hit me like a ton of bricks. If I can love my boys, my husband, my parents, friends, acquaintances enough to let love and let the Holy Spirit cultivate that love enough so that it is a 1 Corinthians 13 Love for them how come...I don't hold myself to that standard? If I can forgive others and let it go...I mean completely let it go...sometimes it takes longer than others, but that's healing. Why cant I let myself off the hook? Why don't I love myself enough to forget the past mistakes I've made? the things I've done wrong? because we have all sinned, even though we are saved from sin, we still sin, its going to happen. Why don't I extend that same grace and love to myself?

That's as far as I got, I guess even though we are being refined, changed and molded, there are still so many facets where I need to grow. But I just wanted to challenge you and me to truly love ourselves like we do others. We owe that to ourselves. We aren't our past mistakes, screw ups or choices. We are conquerors and co-heirs with Christ, fully loved and forgiven. Jesus has forgotten. We are no longer slaves to our old ways, so Satan can't use that against us any more!! Stand Strong and tell Satan to take it elsewhere we are moving forward with heads held high with God all around us and empowering us.


Blessings to all until we meet again.




Memories

you know Facebook likes to remind you of the memories from years past on the same day. Today as bible study was starting I jumped on Facebook to check out some notifications, when I noticed a memory reminder from two years ago, when our sweet C was under 2 and LOVED to get into things...the only thing that has changed from that picture is C's size, its amazing how much that sweet, tenacious little man can get into very quickly.

As I clicked below to see more memories from today in years past there was the post I wrote last year about my sweet hubs getting home from India. Words can barely describe how much that trip has impacted our lives and I have a good feeling that, the decision we made to follow that nudging and send him will be interwoven in the rest of our lives. God rocked our worlds and has continued to stretch us and grow us because of this trip. He called us out and into

Can I be brutally honest here and say that I fully expected that trip to be a one time thing, but today one year ago at dinner time God took my comfortable bubble and popped it. He called us to something so much more beautiful and life changing than I would have ever thought of, imagined or dreamed of. In some ways I feel like we have done a lifetime of growing in the last year, and yet I know we have so much to learn and so many places to grow.

Today in Bible study we talked about two churches in Revelation, church of Philadelphia and the church of Laodicea. Its amazing how different the letters are to these two churches. Philadelphia was praised because of their faith, their patient endurance during some very difficult times. Jesus, encouraged them, lifted them up, promised protection during the trial, and reassured them about his coming. Laodicea on the other hand were self sufficient, pitiful, wretched, apathetic, half hearted and blind. Jesus had no praise or affirmation for them, He wanted them to realize that they needed Jesus and that Jesus wanted them to be all in and pursue him. To let him deal with their sin,
repent and fall back in love with him.

I feel like the church at Philadelphia today, I'm tired, I feel like all the things God has on our plate are about to fall off and break into a million pieces. I know they wont but nonetheless when exhaustion sets in on this momma's anxiety tends to wreak havoc. This morning I woke up thinking about this blog that I started yesterday. The struggles of yesterday still very present and when the hubs got to work those troubles seemed to quadruple. It hit me...how fragile everything we have in life is, how fast everything can change, and just how quickly this comfort can leave. As me and C were walking home from taking J to school. It hit me. Why the church of Laodicea lost sight of Jesus. How much easier is it to rely on yourself? Especially when things are going your way. How much opposition do you face when you are going with the stream instead of against it? But how much less rewarding is it? how much impact will you have on others? will you ever make a difference? If things do crumble where do you have hope? Yes, its tempting to rely on yourself, on what you can do. However, I tend to drop the ball, mess things up, I'm not sure that on my best day I could ever be a fraction as successful as the Laodiceans were. Even if I was, I wouldn't want to give up the hope, the love, the peace. Life is crazy, messy, beautiful and rewarding. We have something much bigger than us to live for. Purpose. You can't buy purpose, meaning. I choose that, in all that entails. I know God has some BIG things in store for us and he is working on things.

Whatever life looks like, when all hope seems lost, when those things you were counting on staying the same change. Remember where your constant source is, remember who sustained you before. That foundation is unshakeable and worth building life on. Praying for you where you are, that you can see the hope and the value of pressing in, and abiding in Jesus, the one thing that will never fail and never change, who will love us and guide us everyday. Keep seeking him, keep praying, keep hoping, find others to pray with you. Breakthrough is coming, that answer is coming! You got this because God's got you!

 

Ignorance

Last Friday night we had a great night of fellowship, testimony, cookies, and music. I love hearing other women's stories of how God comes in and shows off, how he places things in our lives to point us towards the things he wants us to pursue. He allows us to go down different paths, he opens and closes doors. Often during that time we are wandering around wondering what God is up to and how he is working and what it is going to look like when he is done.

While its chaos in the midst to us, it is such a beautiful thing. Several years ago when we were living in Colorado we had an organization come to our church that helped young girls who were being sold into slavery. Today in 2015 slavery is alive and well, it doesn't matter your race, age, economic status, it can happen to anyone any where, and right down the road.

I have a friend who works with Rescue Houston, they call these young girls who are being used for what their bodies can offer, they have no hope, they have no reason to hope yet, the goal of this organization is to give them hope. The thing is, this problem isn't just happening in India, Africa, its happening right across town, to people your children or grand children are going to school with. I say this because it was such a Face Palm moment for me. one of those ANGELA you need to wake up and realize you don't just live in Mayberry any more where the worst thing that happens is running into someone's mailbox, or your friends smoking weed in the corn field down the road, or a big party down by the lake where everyone may or may not be drinking.

I got home and told my hubs about this startling statistics, you know the ones that stick with you, unless your a sleep deprived mom, the numbers tend to leave your brain but you know there are sweet young girls out there who desperately need our help. A few days later we were talking with a few other people, these statistics that were very fresh on his brain came out, because it is a truth and a reality we need to share, which had the same affect on them as it did me. Except that one of their reactions wasn't action, it was the desire to shy away, to plead ignorance. I'm sorry but we cannot take a stand on abortion, gay marriage, alcohol, drugs, shootings, and bury our heads in the sand when thousands of young girls, in desperate situations are finding themselves being sold, because they are young girls?!?!

I don't want to know these things happen, but I NEED to know they happen, God calls us to seek and love the lost, the hurting, those who are desperate to find the hope we have in Jesus. I need to know that there are organizations out there seeking to help these young ladies, that I can support. I need to know about it so I can pray for them, so I can listen to that sweet movement of the Holy Spirit to act. If I deny that it exists I'm not only hurting myself and the little people entrusted to me, I'm hurting those that need Jesus the most.

truth + anxiety and the things lost in the midst

its been way too long since I've written and I can blame it on a lot of things like being way to busy in the midst of ever changing seasons, too much stuff going on, writers block, business stuff, family stuff the truth is it's a little bit of all of it. Life feels bigger than it should be right now. We are in this weird season of life where more things seem unknown and uncertain that known and certain. There is a lot of patient, prayerful waiting and a whole lot more impatient waiting. That season where you aren't sure wether you are over or under committed to too many good things and where that ever changing line of enough and too much.

Over the past few months I've sat down several times to write to only get half way through and have no where else to go...the words just aren't there and they aren't right. I mean after all hindsight is 20/20 and we are still in the thick of it...and that's ok...you see I don't have to understand it, to grasp it, to wrap this brain of mine around it, I just need to let it go, to let God and just be held. Let me tell you it's so hard. This year has been dubbed our year of getting comfortable being uncomfortable and just when I think we are about as uncomfortable as we can be something else comes and blows my perspective off center.

Embracing this change and the things that God is laying before us is difficult, rewarding, sweet, uncertain, and oh so worth it. Sometimes in the midst of anxiety I get lost I feel as though I'm suffocating and spinning out of control. There are moments of clarity and today, day two of too much anxiety and way past over the feeling...clarity. These times when the anxiety seems to be at its highest is nearest to the areas that can be strongholds. Family for me is a place where the enemy can send me veering off course for miles on end before I can even grasp where I'm going. God's working on that, but is requiring me to let go of it all. It's requiring me to change my hope, my focus, to turn my eyes off of this gaping wound that is still there despite the efforts of healing, and onto my savior. It's in these moments of clarity that I see that there is always a reason God places things in your life. There are two things that help me worship my savior, baking and music...my songs during this season of life that pour life into my soul? Oceans, Just Be Held, Touch the Sky and Holy Spirit...every one of them...surrender, laying it down, laying it all out there, and dwelling there in the arms of my Father, the Holy Spirit and my Savior.

I don't have a clue what the rest of this season looks like but I know God's got it, just praying our way through it and keeping our eyes on him. The question today in BSF that spoke right into the middle of this struggle was this... What is your attitude when your comfort is compromised? Praying that we endure the seasons God has called us to even when we would rather escape. He has some big things and small things coming together lets press into him in the midst of the discomfort and uncertainty.

seasons and change

Today the high was in the 80's with a cool breeze out of the north, and off and on showers. some of my favorite weather. Tomorrow when its back in the upper 90's I will be longing for fall to come that much quicker. While I love playing in our pool with our boys and getting an amazing tan, fall and winter does something for this Texas girl who fell in LOVE with Colorado. I've always loved the cooler weather and that is never a guarantee here in Texas but days like these leave this girl feeling refreshed.

Summer months are wild and crazy around, here especially since the hubs works in construction, this summer marks other big changes. Today we go meet our little man's Kindergarten teacher. Hard to believe we are 4 days from being parents of a school aged child. He's going to rock it. I'm excited to see how he blossoms and grows, this next year.

In seasons of change, challenge, trials...I feel exposed, vulnerable, like the next person that bumps into me may just cause me to break into a thousand pieces or at least all the things I feel like I need to hold together will come crashing down all around me. (wow I give myself a lot of credit and stress) You see, along with summer, challenge, change, and trials comes opportunities to make awesome choices or not so great ones. Depending on the day really depends on my decisions, most things I figure I can carry with God, we got this. While this is obviously true...God has placed someone else in my life that's right there to help, to carry that load, and if you know my husband you know he carries a lot as well. However, we weren't meant to carry it alone, in our marriage, we are meant to carry it together, lay it at the throne of God and cover it in prayer. Pray circles around it, believe and repeat.

This fall holds a lot of unknowns for our family and I can feel myself carrying that unknown...but last night when we laid it all out there about that thing that (I) tend to carry by myself because I think I can fix it...and am scared of disappointing him...because this area is an area I've struggled most of my life but God has brought me so far. It really is miraculous. I'm such a solver ya'll. I'll wear myself out bearing that burden, halfway laying it down at Gods throne only to pick it back up.

My hubs is such a gracious and compassionate, loving man. Who loves me right where I'm at and without him and God I would have never gotten to where we are now. He read a book and went to a conference several years back and they talked about being velvet and steel. Last night despite my fears, he just loved...he accepted and he joined with me. You know the circumstances don't look much different today, but they "feel" different today. I'm grateful that he walks alongside me and that he helps me grow to become a better me and knows that even though it was a step back that means we are making progress forward.

God is so big and he's working in great and mighty ways. I feel like we are on the cusp of something really big. The struggle is real, but so is the peace that surpasses all understanding, with a Father who is able to do immeasurably more than we ask and imagine.

Wherever you are, whatever you face, that thing that your carrying, that thing your afraid to let go of, and that your scared to share with those that are closest to you. Don't believe the enemies lies, they wont love you any less, they aren't going to hate you and they are going to join alongside you so you can move forward together.

James 1:2-8 MSG

Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don't try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, no deficient in any way.

If you don't know what you're doing, pray to the Father. He loves to help. You'll get his help, and wont be condescended to when you ask for it. Ask boldly, believingly, without a second thought. People who "worry their prayers" are like wind-whipped waves. Don't think you're going to get anything from the Master that way, adrift at sea, keeping all your options open.

Dependence

Starting from the first few days of our lives we are working to be in a state of independence, fully self sufficient...some of it is spurred on by parents, a lot of it is kid driven I mean from the time they are born they are working towards trying to do things without the help of their parents. Holding their bottle on their own, to getting around without being carried, getting food on their own, feeding themselves...every new skill is met with excitement for all. Then one day you turn around and even though they still need you to cook the raw food they can fully function on snacks within reach without your assistance.


My whole life my parents worked to make sure I was independent, to grow up get an education, get a job, save money and be self sufficient, so that when I got married I wouldn't be dependent on any man. (I don't have anything against this view...just letting you know where I'm coming from) Needless to say my story did not end that way or shall I say start?!


My struggle today...being fully reliant, and dependent on Jesus, the Holy Spirit, The lover of my soul and the one who promises to take care of me fully. He wants us to lean into him, fully rely on him for everything. My peace, my abundance, my empty space, my loneliness, my unanswered prayers, my waiting, my longing, my deepest desires. He wants me to dwell there, he wants me to trust that he has it all together, he has a plan, he has my heart, my life and my all.


I know that it is important to have some independence in this world, but when it comes to God I want my boys to know that full relying on him, will help them achieve their goals, dreams and deepest desires.


As many of you know there are thirteen boys that are always heavy on our hearts and minds, they need a home, they need sponsers, they need someone to love them. The great thing?! the great provider Loves them more than we can fathom and he has them in his hands, he loves them, dearly and Hes working all things together to provide for them...but where I'm sitting I cant see how or where he is working. we are trying to see, but we can so for now we knell before the father and lay them along with all our burdens at his feet and trust that he can carry them and handle them better than we can.


we have a friend who is coming in town from india, last weekend I felt like I needed to get in touch with a friend and fellow blogger who loves Jesus, and like I tend to do I procrastinated...and I couldn't find the words...then on sunday she contacts me about writing about our story. Our India story. She captured it so perfectly.


I love how God intersects paths, just when circumstances seem bleek, overwhelming, he steps in an shows how big he is and how he has it abundantly handled.


I got her newsletter at the perfect time today...reminded me of where we need to focus no matter what our eyes may see or our hearts may fear.


Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7


oh and you should definitely check out Jackie Hooks and Pruning Hooks...Jesus is Big Ya'll

Provision

the act or process of supplying or providing something; something that is done in advance to prepare for something else. the act or process of providing, the fact or state of being prepared,


as many of you know this year God is teaching us to get comfortable being uncomfortable...man has it been a ride, so many changes, challenges that seem to come out of left field trying to balance it while still trying to continually lay down these, mountains of anxiety, worry, doubt, at his feet and leave them there for longer than a millisecond...because that's the best place for them. He can do more with it there than I could ever imagine.


I have this tendency to stock up, to supply things for myself that when things get crazy I can "provide" whatever it is that I need, which gives me no incentive to lean on or call on my savior. While he wants us to be independent in some aspects, God wants us to be fully dependent on him, for all things. ALL things?! I'm not good at that. I like control, I like plans.


I used to be able to roll with things...we would go on an adventure with a bag of clothes and no reservation to stop and find a place once we got there, not any more this mama has to have a plan, a detailed one at that. I like to be overly prepared to know, what's coming next, where we will be in the next week, I like to know how its going to work out, who is going to be there, when they will get there, that to me is comfortable.


I have two boys who live life wide open, there isn't much in our lives planned out...life right now is just free, unplanned, space for them to be boys growing into little men. That's about to change, our oldest is entering kindergarten 30 days from today...I'm not ready at all its hard to believe he isn't a baby any more let alone big enough to be going to kindergarten.


Anyhow...


Since becoming a mom that free spirit, has been more weighed down, I'm glad to hear people still see me as someone who just rolls with things, because I really strive too. It takes a whole lot of Jesus, but he gets it done in big ways.


So over the past few weeks this word provision has been bouncing in my head, so I've prayed for that, for how God will provide, needs, whether its spiritual, emotional, physical that he will be our provision, nothing else. That we will look to him to fulfill us, that's all he wants.


I was blown away by how much faith our friends in India have for God to provide everything they need, the more time I spend with God I realize that the more I lean in and strive to abide in Jesus, the easier it is to trust that he will be our provision in everything. That he will not only hear us but he will answer us in the best way possible, and he will provide for us abundantly.


God has such big plans for us, all of us, He is calling us deeper, to be filled, to be overwhelmed by him and when life feels too big and we feel like we are drowning in it all to fall to our knees or to our faces and lay it all down, He wants us to let him know that we trust his provision, his help, him alone.


What a year...its only July. I'm humbled to know that God is working on this heart, in our family making us to be more like him, calling us to go deeper and seek after him diligently...its not perfect, its messy, beautiful chaos, praying he continues to guide us, lead us, draw us deeper and closer.


Psalm 144: 13-15
Our barns will be filled with every kind of provision. Our sheep will increase by thousands, by tens of thousands in our fields; our oxen will draw heavy loads. There will be no breaching of walls, no going into captivity, no cry of distress in our streets. Blessed is the people whom this is true; blessed is the people whose God is the Lord.




Psalm 132: 13-16
For the Lord has chosen Zion, he has desired it for his dwelling, saying, "This is my resting place for ever and ever; here I will sit enthroned, for I have desired it. I will bless her with abundant provisions; her poor I will satisfy with food. I will clothe her priests with salvation, and her faithful people will ever sing for joy.


I leave you with this prayer! For all of us...because God is able to do immeasurably more than we can ever ask or imagine. Keep seeking him.


Ephesians 3:14 - 21
For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord's holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge--that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations for ever and ever! Amen.

Hungry

I had the opportunity to open our home to a group of beautiful women, of all ages. it is such a treat to circle around my living room with these ladies and just talk about Jesus. Each one of these ladies had Jesus woven all through their stories, each one brought something special and unique to this group. Each person God had called to come, for a special time of fellowship, and studying of God's word.




I weighed the decision to host for several days when it was brought up again that they needed more women to host in my neighborhood. I knew what I needed to do. In one way or another each one of these ladies brought up how excited they were to have a bible study in their neighborhood. Each woman came with a desire and willingness to draw near to God and seek him, it has been such a humbling experience to hear these women pour out their hearts, their deepest desires to simply trust God more, have more faith and to leave those everyday burdens in his ever capable hands.


One thing that has stood out to me is the hunger for a deeper connection with God, as well as fellowship with one another, because no one quite understands you as well as your girl friends. It is a sweet time, where we can lay it all out, and uplift one another. God has called us as Christians to do things that aren't popular, that can cost us a lot but he promises, peace, rest, hope, and love. The beautiful thing is equips us, after he calls us. He guides us, teaches us, carries us along as we seek after him.


Last night my husband and I were talking about the power that is in the midst of praying women. At the very least its beautiful to see women just seeking God, in bible study and prayer. 11 of us circled in my living room last night, we talked about life, children, struggles, the bible, controversy, and we laughed.


I've said it a couple times how humbled I am that God would use me, I'm humbled and honored that he called me to open our home for these ladies to meet. My heart is so full, I find that its easier on this side to let go and let God. There is nothing like fellowshipping with other believers in all different stages.


It is hard to believe looking back over the last few years to see how far I've come, how much God has changed and continues to change. To say its been difficult is an understatement but its been more than worth it a million times over.


We are so hungry for Jesus, for authenticity and connection. Thank you Jesus for your sacrifice, for you calling us to something greater than we can fathom, Thank you for not allowing us to get comfy where we are, thank you for drawing us out and together, help us seek you and grow, help us encourage one another as we each strive to dwell in your throne room.


Love you friends! find a place to connect, to draw together, to just dwell with Jesus and other believers. It is life giving and crucial.


Until we meet again...blessings and prayers!!

Oceans

As I sit down to write this morning, I think about all the times I've sat down over the last few weeks with so much to say yet no words to express how life has felt, how God has used this season of dwelling in uncomfortable to reveal things to us, to just open our eyes to all the things he is up to.


I'm astonished at the things he is willing to reveal to me?!


being uncomfortable is hard... exhausting... it has taught me so much more than I could ever fathom and for that I wouldn't trade it for comfort.


My hubs and I had an intense couple of weeks, starting with construction going from zero due to record amounts of rain to wide open, followed by coming home to water pouring out of our garage. while we were still drying out from the flood our washer broke. To say I was overwhelmed by Tuesday would be a gross understatement, even though God had provided immeasurably more than I could fathom stress hit hard Tuesday. which led to frank conversations and revelations about how God is working and what he is doing in our lives and how He's working.


In this season of being uncomfortable it has renewed the sense of dwelling, constantly striving to abide in him because this, is unknown territory.


Its hard to describe... I find the words hard...  its almost like there aren't any words to fully cover what I feel like God is revealing and working through and in our lives.


A few weeks ago I felt like I needed to share part of my story with a group of friends at a picnic. Something that is very uncomfortable for me but I felt drawn to it and the email was sent before I could take it back. As I sat down to write out my story for reference, all the instances of how God has just guided us, opening doors and closing doors at the perfect time. He reminded me that this season of life is no different than the things he has guided us through before. It seems like it but just like he had in our past He has us now. He knows the plans He has for us, He knows where we are going and He knows the path we need to take.


Sure this season is different, the stakes are higher, the tugs at our hearts are deeper and stronger and they should be we have grown so much over the last 8 years, so I shouldn't expect any less but I'm so thankful for the opportunity to be used in the ways he has us set up for. There are big things coming and it scares me but its amazing.


Our boys have such a heart for India, and so much faith its inspiring and humbling. At times I feel like my faith barely makes a blip on the screen of faith but some how its pouring over onto our boys?! WOW!


I don't like being uncomfortable, I like my bubble,


but like I said, I wouldn't change it for the world.


I challenge you to pray big prayers, seek God for the big things and trust him in that.


One thing that came out of my time of testimony for me was these songs that God drew me to in seasons of life that have become prayers of sorts. A few years back I could not get enough of Hillsong's Hosanna, looking back today over where God has brought us I cant help but believe that God is answering those prayers, I didn't even realize I was praying.


When there's things we need the Holy Spirit intercedes, sometimes I believe its through song, especially in this creative, music loving girls soul.


Thank you Jesus for unexpected, heal my heart and make it clean, open up our eyes to the things unseen, break our hearts for what breaks yours, when oceans fall help us keep our eyes above the waves and help me always remember that we can touch the sky when our knees hit the ground.


Hosanna
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NoM0AT8fBvs


Oceans
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dy9nwe9_xzw


Touch the Sky
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y1RQciil7B0


Ephesians 6:19
Pray also for me, that whenever I open my mouth, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly as I should.


Philippians 4:13
I can do all things through him who gives me strength

uncomfortable.

These last few weeks have been full of blessings, God ordained meetings and conversations, the opportunity to witness how God is working to make a difference around Texas all the way from Katy Texas up here around the DFW metroplex. Its very humbling to see the greatness of the things that God is doing. He is housing men in garland who would otherwise be on the street because of certain life choices, He is feeding the hungry, clothing those who need it, loving on those who need to be encouraged and to know that they are fully and completely loved...no matter what. He is reaching into the darkness to young girls and women who are sold for what their bodies can offer, all over the world, from India, to Houston, Colorado, you name it...these young ladies are finding hope and a new life for the first time.


In the midst of all the pain, all the atrocities, the mass killings...God is there... In the hunger, homelessness...God is there... With the moms who are lonely because they don't have the village they long for and they aren't sure they are doing what God has called them...God is there... When our dreams and callings seem way to big and it looks as though there is no end...God is there...


He sees it all... He carried it all... This battle, these struggles have all been won.


This is the year God has opened up to us and has said, "you need to get comfortable being uncomfortable." (I'm still protesting this...while moving forward trying to find my footing) I don't like it one bit...but its amazing. In this season of stretching and growing I have seen God move mountains. It is such a humbling thing to witness and rub elbows with those who God is using to rescue those who need someone to fight for them, those who are feeding and clothing the homeless and the hungry. To weep with those who are hurting because life just feels too big and there doesn't seem to be an end. To rejoice with those who have had victories. These things give me the hope and reassurance that God knows what he is doing...I still doubt the fact that choosing me was the right choice but leaning into the fact that he knows more and is infinitely greater than my biggest dream helps.


I don't know how God is going to help us raise the funds to build an orphanage, reach out and love on those in our home town that need it. let alone be a good mom to these two amazing little men that we have been entrusted with. I'm just humbled that God wants to use me and until I know his plan we will be circling this and lots more in prayer because Greater is the one Living inside of me than me living in this world. He can do immeasurably more than I can ever fathom...that is where I'm drawing the strength and wisdom from...

Humbled

I love spring and all that it brings, new life, new beginnings, a fresh start. The greatest gift it brings is the reminder of what God did for us. The ultimate sacrifice, sending his son to his death to save the very ones who would kill him. Oh man I love Easter. I find my heart and soul desperate to pour out all the gratitude I have for that sacrifice. I'm grateful for my two little men and my husband and the ways we get to shape holidays with them. I find that I long to just be with them and show them Jesus in those days. I long for them to see Jesus, thank him and one day depend on him like we strive to do daily.


I had the opportunity to make a new friend last week. I almost missed it. I almost let the fear, the anxiety, the uncertainty keep me here in my comfort and frustration. I love how God takes plans and things that need to be shaken up and does that for you sometimes. I'm grateful he did that last week. Every two weeks some really good friends of mine head over to a shelter to love on some beautiful women, encourage them, wash their feet and paint their toes. When they first started I looked forward to joining them but as things kept happening that prevented me from going, every time they went I had a reason not to go, sometimes legitimate others probably not so much. This last week my friend asked, I told her I couldn't but maybe next time, I really did have plans. Just a few hours later my plans were canceled. Here comes the tug of war on what to do, do I tell her I'm available? or just pretend I'm still busy. After speaking to my husband who politely told me what I didn't want to hear. I told her I could go if they needed me to. Let me tell you what. I'm so thankful I went. Deep down I knew I needed to go, but I didn't have the power to make myself on my own.


The last lady we met has been just pressed into my heart, in ways I don't want to comprehend. She has such a beautiful strong spirit. You know those people that you meet...where you get that feeling in your gut that God has some big things in store for them...I can feel it. It was the close of our time there and the shelter called for a smoke break, meaning most of the others on the list went out for a smoke. This lady had come in late and was last on the list. She came in to check and see if it was her turn but there were about four people ahead of her. She took her adorable son and headed to her bed. I had called several women all of which were out smoking. The only one left in was her. I felt like we had to sit down with her, thankfully because of the break we were able to.


I'm humbled because I didn't do it perfect, I didn't even want to go 100% but I knew I was supposed to. I'm humbled because God trusts us to love on these women, to lift them up and intercede for them.


Courage isn't the absence of fear...its merely one reaction to fear. Thank you Jesus for giving me courage for living in me and through me, equipping me and calling me.


Listen to that still small voice drawing you, calling you. He's got such big things in store for us and his kingdom. Focus on him, his truth, cast everything else aside, it really doesn't matter.


Humbled in a broken, whole, beautiful kind of way. Its exciting to see how God is working every single day in our lives.


Praying for you! Love you! until we meet again....in his Peace
- Angela

Pursued

It is amazing at how quickly life travels. We are celebrating our little man this week. Its so hard to believe he's turning 3. Life is so different than it was when we packed up when he was 10 days old. It is so sweet to look back on the last three years and see how God has worked in our lives just in the last 3 years. I mean come on. I know you all know by now about India and how God has just opened our hearts and lives for all the beautiful people there. The last 6 months have been so full, its stretched us in ways we didn't even realize we needed to be stretched.


One day a few weeks ago, shoulder deep in all the things I needed to accomplish, complaining about some relationships and how I felt like I needed to pursue them and how I had to carry that portion of our relationship. One night when I was feeling sorry for myself and complaining to my hubs. God hit me up side the head and said, "how do I pursue you?" to which I replied... Ok God, hear you loud and clear.


Oh the ways he pursues us...
Beautifully, Persistently, Constantly, Unconditionally, Completely Pursued.
God never tires of pursuing us.


Isn't that awesome??


No matter what...he will always pursue us. He loves us that much.


As a result of this beautiful pursue we are called to pursue others with the same tenacity and love that he has for us...not because of us or through our own power but through the Holy Spirit. Oh how he pursues and equips us. It fascinates me, still. I'm blown away by how he continues to pursue me. The things that he calls us to and through. The things that God puts in my life for reasons he slowly reveals to me.
I'm so grateful that he loves me enough to pursue me even when I don't want to be pursued. Even when I'm done, exhausted, and ready to throw in the towel he leans in besides me and whispers his sweet reminder that, I'm not alone.
He's always pursuing and loving. loving and pursuing. I can't escape it. Thank you Jesus, I can't escape that beautiful, longing pursuit, to draw me in, hold me close, and guide me ever so gently. That my tired soul knows that no matter what, its safe, and its worth the cost of pursuit. I'm worth it, I'm fully loved and cherished.
Jesus simply loves us that much. He will never, ever quit pursuing us, we are worth to much for him to stop. Dwell there, rest in the place of knowing that, you are worth it every minute of every hour of every day of your life, no matter what. How awesome is that??
Until we meet again. Prayers for you.

those little things

It is amazing the things God allows in our lives and leads us through. 2015 is flying by full of adventure, challenges, blessing, friendship and so much more. God has been stretching us. I can almost feel it happening and it isn't fun...but in the midst of that, it is refreshing, tough. We are basking in the fact that God just isn't done with us and that he has great things in store for us. We keep feeling like God is just impressing on us that we need to get comfortable being uncomfortable. So right now I'm trying to embrace that anxiety in my gut, that things are changing, that life is up in the air and that I am not in control, and trust fully that God not only knows what he's doing, but that he is very much in control and I can have faith in that.


God has come through and answered so many prayers, in the last few weeks, it continues to amaze us how intimately he cares for us. I think that for me I tend to trivialize how much God actually cares about me and my trials, because at times it seems so much more trivial than the things my brothers and sisters face in other countries. At any given minute their lives could be taken for believing in God, I don't have that fear, but I have other fears and challenges and they are just as important.


This week, our weather was crazy, our kids are crazy because they have been stuck inside, construction has been crazy. So when Friday finally arrived and it was playgroup day it could not have mattered any less that snow was on its way let alone how long it would stay. So the boys and I headed out for errands and playgroup. At some point between the bank, hobby lobby and the trampoline park, I lost my drivers license. (old habits really do die hard) I frantically look through every pocket, then talk myself out of panicking. As we left the trampoline park I assumed I would quickly find it in the truck...nope. so we continue our errands in the snow and head home. Praying that I can find it and all the  After looking through the truck...again. and my purse...again. Its no where. I'm praying asking God to help me remember where it was. Hobby lobby kept popping up in my brain. So I called and asked if anyone had turned it in...nope not today. So I begin the process of replacing it with a fear that it had been stolen and what that could ultimately mean. The process of replacing it got put on hold due to weather closing down most of our city. So the next day I call hobby lobby one more time and they have it!! Thank you Jesus. So much relief. so thankful to have it back! So very thankful for all the honest good people that shop at hobby lobby and the persistence that God placed in my heart to keep pursuing hobby lobby.


This upcoming trip to India has stretched us in ways we didn't realize we needed to be stretched. God continues to bring people into our lives that catch on to my hubs vision and come alongside us. We are so excited to see all the ways and people God has lined up to use. Just in this last week God has given my hubs opportunities to talk to new people about his passion, he has opened doors, and he is continuing to pave the way. Last night when my hubs made a phone call to India he found out that all the appointments had been set up, his itinerary everything taken care of so he can gather all the information we need while he is there. Wow.


All these things I let overwhelm me, these things that I dwell on and worry about, that often cause anxiety that I cant shake?? are all taken care of in the hands of my savior who loves me, who is constantly working, putting a plan in order. He's got it all. I'm thankful that he loves me enough to keep driving this home, to keep reassuring me and showing me, how capable he is.


He is constantly showing us that he can handle the little things so we trust him fully in the big things. hang in there friends, He is at work, praying that those small things that God is working out are revealed to you, that hope is restored and you can dwell in those small victories.