Overwhelmed...

...warning...this blog may be a mess but life has been and is a mess this week, its where we are, its where life is...enjoy take heart and comfort :)


Those of you that know me know that this is a state I frequent a lot...Overwhelmed. I teeter between overwhelmed and peace...you see that's my pendulum. Its one or the other and as of lately the overwhelmed portion of my pendulum is stronger than peace. That results in anxiety, worry, depression and a burden on those around me that they shouldn't have to carry. The thing I often forget to do is turn to the one person that has promised to not only take this anxiety, overwhelmed, tired, depressed momma and replace ALL of that with peace, joy and love that surpasses all understanding.


Last week I had peace...last week 12 days ago in Sunday School when my husband mentioned that someone had asked to him to think and pray about going to India for a 10 day mission trip. I had peace and a plan. About as soon as it was mentioned that was in my spirit...I thought that was odd but very cool. As he wrestled with God about the decision...I had peace...again weird but ok. When he told me his decision and his final confirmation...yep you guessed it peace.


Then it came...Overwhelmed...Anxiety...Uncertainty.


There is something I often forget in this Christian walk, when you know beyond a doubt your supposed to do something and you commit. You become a target, to get thrown off track, to doubt, question what you were really supposed to do.


So Monday morning...here comes my burden... that knot in my stomach like stuff was about to hit the fan. Sure enough it did. Our boys have been crazy, ornery, defiant, horrible listeners, itchy two year old... it wasn't even after noon when the thought hit me..."How in the world am I supposed to take care of and be with these boys for 10 days?! without my husband..." cue, panic, worry, anxiety, coupled with bouts of depression....I'm a mess ya'll and now the world knows :)....I prayed calmed myself down and tried to move forward needless to say Monday ended but Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday followed along with the chaos that was this week. Talk about doubt about our decision. When I finally found myself back on track yesterday around 3:30 in the afternoon...it hit me..."what do you expect when you follow my plan?" I call my hubby on the way to target, I almost lost it several times during our five minute phone call...because these sweet boys are just exhausting and draining this week....especially when he said, "we got this, we are going to make it through this." <-- there it is we got this...cue our convo that very morning about how we would make it because of HE who gives us strength. "Light bulb" Angela you have been carrying too much this week, a burden that isn't yours to carry, leaning on people who don't deserve that and that don't even realize I'm putting that on them.


This week has required TONS of desperate prayer, caffeine, a little bit of sugar, lots of water, and more out of me than I often know that I have. I don't know what the future holds exactly but there will fundraising, a trip to the airport, baking, lots of baking, preparations for a trip, LOTS of prayer for India as well as our Birthday Blessing ministry that a friend and I are partnering in....life is crazy beautiful right now...sometimes more crazy than anything but hey that's life right?!


I was reminded yesterday afternoon that I'm not in this alone. My Savior paid the debt and took my burden on himself there is no reason for me to carry it...he is walking right beside me longing for me to let it go and let him carry it and help me through these times. I just need to remember that.


let this be a reminder that your not alone and that burden your carrying isn't yours to carry.


Do not fear for I am with you, do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you: I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10


Search me oh God and know my heart, test me and know my anxious thoughts see if there is any offensive way in me and lead me in the way everlasting Psalm 139:23-24


In all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us Romans 8:37


Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior who daily bears our burdens Psalm 69:19


You are my refuge and my shield, I have put my hope in your word Psalm 119:114


I can do all things through him who gives me strength Philippians 4:13


Go in peace...until next time