I began this post several days ago and just couldn't get past a certain point once you reach the end that reason will probably be apparent...but after reading a post on facebook from a friend whose life looks a lot like ours right now I felt an urgency to share...
As you may have guessed by the last few blog there is a lot going on in our lives some of it not so pretty in fact most of it not pretty but there have been some pretty amazing things going on behind the scenes that I allowed my self miss. You see we made a huge commitment just a few short weeks ago and I have mentioned the peace I felt about that decision. Then when it came time to actually commit and sign up to send my hubby to India...oh man the stuff that happened as a result of that commitment.... Since then I have wallowed, our boys hit pre-adolescence, you know the whole I know more than you and better than you, not listening, ornery oh man especially that one. It's been rough for about a month but a whole lot worse since this commitment. Hubby's job has been great, super busy, but so many problems that he has had to fix or adjust. Not to mention my anxiety levels, as well as our youngest got a viral rash, thankfully not contagious, but it could last 2 months. Things have been about 10x harder...almost like we are swimming up stream everything just flying at you at a hundred miles an hour...
I wallowed there for a while especially when C came down with this rash that we had no idea what it was or how to make him feel better...it just felt dark, heavy, hard, and at times almost unbearable, very lonely, a very very tough time.
Then it hit me WHY I was feeling this way and WHY my friends who are also going to India are feeling much the same way. My "lightbub" moment you might say. While I sat there wallowing I let the enemy steal my joy, peace, strength...I allowed it my reaction to the situation wasn't to turn to the one I solely depend on for my joy I tried to muster it up, pull myself up from my bootstraps but I can't...I don't have the strength or the ability to pull myself out of that place.
It was sometime early early in the morning when my brain woke up and I thought of that verse, "The thief that comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. John 10:10 " ...
so then I decided to fight this battle head on the enemy has no right to steal these things away from me. GOD through Jesus paid the ultimate price so that I have him to lean on and draw my strength from. So much better than my limited resources...am I right?!
Don't get stuck there...it's so hard, dark, lonely, depressing, heavy there. Its a burden we aren't called to carry alone...
every time I began dwelling this week I would remind myself of the promises of God, it helps me refocus and let go...which is really hard for me to do. the first verse that came to me was out of Matthew 11:28-30
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."
Then I kept repeating cast all your anxiety on him...praying every time I fell into the temptation to wallow and rest where I was and I noticed a difference although it has still been hard we have had some answers and the best thing we haven't been carrying the burden alone. I started working with the boys on versus every day teaching them to call on God's word, praying over them teaching them the value of self control, and all good things in God's word. Its been a battle the great thing about it I'm not alone...We are not alone...You are not alone.
With God all things are possible call on him out of desperation and he will meet you there, with loving gentle caring arms and reassure you that it will all be ok and that the battle in the end will be worth it. Don't stay or dwell in the dark too long its suffocating and it isn't worth it...your savior doesn't want you to do this alone.
Praying for you my friends...Gods got this...He's got you...
I leave you with my favorite Hillsong United Song Oceans oh it touches my soul so deep right now :)
when oceans rise my soul will rest in your embrace for I am yours and you are mine
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1m_sWJQm2fs
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