I rest in you....alone

Good evening friends and fellow Jesus people...I hope this finds you in a good place, one that despite the circumstances you find joy and peace that's my prayer for you today and always. As I sit here to write this blog that was pressed on my heart this afternoon, eating popcorn inspired by one of my best friends, in our quiet(ish) home, my boys (all three of them) are having a "campout" "guys only" night in the kids bedroom, worship music playing and it smells like chocolate cookies. This to me spells joy and peace...so much peace...


I'm writing to let you know its still a struggle daily but I'm still reminded DAILY where I need to rest, where I need to check the anxiety in and let it go. My Jesus, is simply incredible, he draws us near, holds us close and reassures us. Over the last month or so as India draws closer, the anxiety raises, questions flying a million miles an hour through my brain, doubts, wonder, awe, amazement all married together in the beautiful mess that is life. Will the money all come in that we need? Are we doing enough? how in the world am I going to survive with just me and the boys for 10 days....10 days without daddy?? <-- that's the kicker right now....


Here's the thing I'm in such a better place than I have been the anxiety, fear and worry aren't as suffocating as they were. Its still very present, its still a battle...however here is the beautiful part of that...my Jesus knew this season was coming and he arranged things to take my focus off of that and on to the things I love in life...the two big ones music and baking...this friends is where I meet my Jesus where I connect with him. The great thing about that is, is before we ever knew or thought about Daniel going to India, I told my friend I would help her raise money by doing a bake sale, because I love baking and God has really blessed me with that talent. So every week I have time with my friend, my Jesus, my music, baking, praying over each thing we make for each and every person because it brings us one step closer to the end goal.


Today my friend and I got together and were talking about her run this morning, I asked her how her 18 mile training run went. "Amazing" she said. --OK I don't know about you but that sounds crazy right?! I don't really like driving 18 miles let alone running them BUT she's been bitten by the same marathon bug as my hubs so alas I get it-- She was telling me about how because of her group runs she had stopped listening to her music as she ran. She had been really struggling with her long runs and even battling a little cold in the midst of training, which is very typical, she wasn't feeling the same peace, the same "lightness" when she was running as she once had. So this morning she decided to run with her music on and in just one ear. As she was running she was able to hold her head up high, relax her shoulders and just enjoy the run. Oceans (where my feet may fall) by hillsong came on close to the end of her run and she and three of her run buddies were able to connect over that song and over the songs that followed.


Last week after her run, it hit her hard she was struggling, it took her out...this week you would have never guessed she ran 18 miles. I may be assuming too much here but this really touched my spirit as she was telling me because we figured it out...and man its a DUH moment for me...so many times in the bible he calls us to rest in him, to turn over our burdens, to cast away our anxiety and to TRUST him so many times I loose sight of that simple truth and find myself drowning.


Over the last week or so I've been trying to stay ever present in the moment to praise him for the many blessings I have every single day. To thank him, to seek him, and keep him ever present in my thoughts. To turn to him when I'm struggling instead of just staying in my self misery.


So be encouraged friends. Find the thing in your life that you feel draws you the closest to God and just rest and LIVE right there, strive to live there. Oh man, its hard to describe, beautiful chaos, is what comes to mind, because he's transforming Angela's chaos...he's meeting me here where I'm at and drawing me ever closer and growing the areas I need to grow in.


Psalm 91:1-2
Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, "He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust."


Hebrews 10:35-36
So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised


Romans 8:26
In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans


Romans 15:13
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.


until we meet again...seek him for your hope, peace and joy! Let us rest in him alone!!

Hand Me Down Shoes...

It is so amazing how much I learn from our boys about faith, joy and how we should live life...they find joy in the simple things like running in the rain, new shoes or clothes, playing with friends, just being with those they love and adore.


The things I often take for granted...you see I often look around and instead of gratitude I feel overwhelmed...I often dream of giving away everything and the freedom that would come with that. This week as I was going through the boys things to see what they need for fall/winter (or in texas what we call a slightly cooler version of summer) I noticed that J's shoes were getting REALLY hard to put on...to find out that he outgrew them. That evening we went to a friends house where we were talking about how fast they outgrow things...She told me she had a pair of shoes we could have for him, the shoes are well loved...like most "hand me downs" from little boys...lets be real if there aren't holes did they ever really wear them?! I took them with gratitude thinking these will work for a little bit...as we got around the next morning J saw them. Let me tell you what...he could not contain his excitement about his NEW shoes.


Be still my heart...


Life with this boy has not been easy over the last few months...I mean he's four, and he wants to be independent, right and rule the world...without full understanding what that all entails :) Man the spirit in that boy...he's going to be a world changer...watch out...


But oh my goodness...gratitude and just pure joy...he LOVES these shoes he couldn't be prouder, he just loves wearing them. So much so that we have to take them away when hes not listening :)


As you all know I'm a worrier, I carry burdens I'm not intended too, I worry senselessly and often find out it was all unwarranted. As big of a battle this is with our sweet J...wow I get now why Jesus wanted the little children to come to him. The purity in their prayers, the willingness to turn to God with faith, to sing praises to God when they are uncertain. Witnessing this does this mommas heart good. I often wonder if I'm doing a good job and if this stay at home mom stuff is important...then they surprise me. God hears my hearts cry to just see a glimpse of hope...and I do...today he got some hand me down socks....


He CANNOT wait to wear them :)


Geez friends lets find joy in the hand me downs...in the mundane, the everyday, the things that we so often look down upon...they are still AMAZING gifts and I'm grateful not only for the shoes and socks but for the lesson that J has taught me through it. Praying that we all have a child like faith and joy... until we meet again!

The Enemy Has been Defeated

Hi friends...I set out this morning to write this blog in a good place...its amazing how fast life can throw you curve balls. Attempts at distracting, drawing our attention away from the stuff that is important. Sadly they almost always work they send me reeling often spinning out of control wondering what is going on...only to find that fell for it again. Geez its frustrating and why cant I learn. Its a constant struggle to remind myself to daily put on the full armor of God to seek him first and draw close to him so that the time spent reeling is less. So that I'm not spinning out for long periods of time. we are called to pray without ceasing... I have found that when I start feeling like I'm drowning in the size of my worries, the anxiety that is weighing on my spirit, the negative thoughts that keep playing on repeat in my head.


I drown it all out...I do the things that bring me joy and center me. I turn to those in my life that can tell me the lies aren't true and remind me that I'm letting the enemy have control where he isn't allowed control. I turn to the word and search for those versus that my spirit needs to hear to be reminded to rest in the Holy Spirit and just trust.


In times that require great faith...or even just a little faith. I am quickly reminded of the spiritual battles going on around us, because I'm now engaging in it, I have chosen a side and that scares Satan because once we are called to move forward from waiting he knows his time is limited and he wants us stopped.


In the midst of the battle I'm often blindsided by the attacks, I so often forget to wake up each morning and put on the full armor of God


Ephesians 6:10-20


Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.
And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep praying for all the Lords people. Pray also for me, that whenever I speak, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly, as I should.


Everyday...in the morning when I rise this should be my prayer, my habits so that I am ready because we are engaging in the same battle Paul is talking about here in Ephesians.


You want to know something....a little secret maybe
every time I have sat down to write this I have this almost overwhelming sense of anxiety...it has been easy to be distracted or get stuck the words wouldn't flow...which tells me you need to hear this as much as I do...Friends its such a real battle that we so often forget we are fighting in.


We need to stand strong! We need to stand firm and we need to be prepared!

Pray about everything, if you are in constant communication with God you will know when to react and move forward even if it feels debilitating. Its possible to move forward in fear even when it feels paralyzing because we have something so much stronger than fear on our side!!


Take heart brothers and sisters, stand firm, and pray without ceasing, seek God and embrace his peace that is there, don't let the ploys of the enemy distract us or defeat us any longer.


Philippians 4


Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything: tell God your needs and don't forget to thank him for his answers. If you do this you will experience God's peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand. His peace will keep your thoughts and your hearts quiet and at rest as you trust in Christ Jesus.


Oh his peace...is so sweet...


We are all in this together. I'm praying for you and your battles. Lets join together and pray for each other as this battle is tough and one that is above our understanding.


Peace be with you until we meet again!!


Deuteronomy 28:7


The Lord will grand that enemies who rise up against you will be defeated before you. They will come at you from one direction but flee from you in seven.

Steal, Kill and Destroy

I began this post several days ago and just couldn't get past a certain point once you reach the end that reason will probably be apparent...but after reading a post on facebook from a friend whose life looks a lot like ours right now I felt an urgency to share...


As you may have guessed by the last few blog there is a lot going on in our lives some of it not so pretty in fact most of it not pretty but there have been some pretty amazing things going on behind the scenes that I allowed my self miss. You see we made a huge commitment just a few short weeks ago and I have mentioned the peace I felt about that decision. Then when it came time to actually commit and sign up to send my hubby to India...oh man the stuff that happened as a result of that commitment.... Since then I have wallowed, our boys hit pre-adolescence, you know the whole I know more than you and better than you, not listening, ornery oh man especially that one. It's been rough for about a month but a whole lot worse since this commitment. Hubby's job has been great, super busy, but so many problems that he has had to fix or adjust. Not to mention my anxiety levels, as well as our youngest got a viral rash, thankfully not contagious, but it could last 2 months. Things have been about 10x harder...almost like we are swimming up stream everything just flying at you at a hundred miles an hour...


I wallowed there for a while especially when C came down with this rash that we had no idea what it was or how to make him feel better...it just felt dark, heavy, hard, and at times almost unbearable, very lonely, a very very tough time.


Then it hit me WHY I was feeling this way and WHY my friends who are also going to India are feeling much the same way. My "lightbub" moment you might say. While I sat there wallowing I let the enemy steal my joy, peace, strength...I allowed it my reaction to the situation wasn't to turn to the one I solely depend on for my joy I tried to muster it up, pull myself up from my bootstraps but I can't...I don't have the strength or the ability to pull myself out of that place.


It was sometime early early in the morning when my brain woke up and I thought of that verse, "The thief that comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. John 10:10 "  ...


so then I decided to fight this battle head on the enemy has no right to steal these things away from me. GOD through Jesus paid the ultimate price so that I have him to lean on and draw my strength from. So much better than my limited resources...am I right?!


Don't get stuck there...it's so hard, dark, lonely, depressing, heavy there. Its a burden we aren't called to carry alone...


every time I began dwelling this week I would remind myself of the promises of God, it helps me refocus and let go...which is really hard for me to do. the first verse that came to me was out of Matthew 11:28-30
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."


Then I kept repeating cast all your anxiety on him...praying every time I fell into the temptation to wallow and rest where I was and I noticed a difference although it has still been hard we have had some answers and the best thing we haven't been carrying the burden alone. I started working with the boys on versus every day teaching them to call on God's word, praying over them teaching them the value of self control, and all good things in God's word. Its been a battle the great thing about it I'm not alone...We are not alone...You are not alone.


With God all things are possible call on him out of desperation and he will meet you there, with loving gentle caring arms and reassure you that it will all be ok and that the battle in the end will be worth it. Don't stay or dwell in the dark too long its suffocating and it isn't worth it...your savior doesn't want you to do this alone.


Praying for you my friends...Gods got this...He's got you...


I leave you with my favorite Hillsong United Song Oceans oh it touches my soul so deep right now :)


when oceans rise my soul will rest in your embrace for I am yours and you are mine
 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1m_sWJQm2fs

Swimming

I think one of the hardest things about being a parent is trusting they are truly ready and its time to let go and let them. It is in these moments I feel as though my heart just stops, along with breathing, all bodily functions cease, because I’m amazed at my child. This little boy…who was born yesterday right?! Is big enough to do these things, and its soooo hard for this momma to believe, how is it possible?!

Today he went to “big” church with us for the first time in years and he was so excited. He loved it. He was great at it. J is four…four. Four years ago today he was a little over 3 months old and OH MY GOODNESS the sweetest baby, he went to big church with us when he was oh so little and worshipped with us. It was surreal today, in some ways it was just like four years ago  in other ways so different.

Where has time gone?! Somehow by the grace of God he’s turning into such an incredible young man…who will start home school preschool tomorrow. In some ways I want time to just stop so I can just hold him, love him, and breathe in who he is right now. Four so far has had challenges but man he’s so fun and independent.

He loves to color, run, ride his bike (with his helmet of course), playing with friends, food/cooking, his favorite color is green, he loves taking pictures and videos. He’s strong, bold, loving, and sensitive, this boy has a heart for all people, he’s passionate. He still has his favorite orange and blue dump truck from his first birthday that he races with his brother. His favorite thing this summer swimming…be still my heart.

He has always enjoyed playing in the pool but this summer he learned to swim. I’m still not 100% sure how but he decided one day a month or so ago that he wanted to “sink” without his floatie, I figured it would be short lived boy was I wrong. From sinking and bouncing back up…to swimming. He did it on his own. This boy spoils me in so many ways… J can literally do ANYTHING he puts his mind to. My heart still stops a little every time he jumps into the pool and swims oh so effortlessly to the stairs.

Oh how God equips us to love these boys and cheer them on…I don’t know how I would do it without him and my continuous life line of prayer. Whether its safe travels to and from errands, or safety as we swim and try new things, to discernment to know how to mother these gifts. He is my strength on the many stressful, overwhelming days, my comfort.

Motherhood has opened my eyes to unconditional love in ways that are inconceivable, how is it possible to love someone so deeply it hurts, that in an instant you would choose to die for them, I choose them…oh man I’m thankful for them and broken by them. As frustrating and trying as they can be, even when the days are weeks long, and I wonder why I couldn’t wait to have children….I wouldn’t change it for the world.

I love the Lord, for he heard my voice; he heard my cry for mercy. Because he turned his ear to me, I will call on him as long as I live.Psalm 116:1-2 NIV

Start children off on the way they should go,
    and even when they are old they will not turn from it.

Proverbs 22:6

Overwhelmed...

...warning...this blog may be a mess but life has been and is a mess this week, its where we are, its where life is...enjoy take heart and comfort :)


Those of you that know me know that this is a state I frequent a lot...Overwhelmed. I teeter between overwhelmed and peace...you see that's my pendulum. Its one or the other and as of lately the overwhelmed portion of my pendulum is stronger than peace. That results in anxiety, worry, depression and a burden on those around me that they shouldn't have to carry. The thing I often forget to do is turn to the one person that has promised to not only take this anxiety, overwhelmed, tired, depressed momma and replace ALL of that with peace, joy and love that surpasses all understanding.


Last week I had peace...last week 12 days ago in Sunday School when my husband mentioned that someone had asked to him to think and pray about going to India for a 10 day mission trip. I had peace and a plan. About as soon as it was mentioned that was in my spirit...I thought that was odd but very cool. As he wrestled with God about the decision...I had peace...again weird but ok. When he told me his decision and his final confirmation...yep you guessed it peace.


Then it came...Overwhelmed...Anxiety...Uncertainty.


There is something I often forget in this Christian walk, when you know beyond a doubt your supposed to do something and you commit. You become a target, to get thrown off track, to doubt, question what you were really supposed to do.


So Monday morning...here comes my burden... that knot in my stomach like stuff was about to hit the fan. Sure enough it did. Our boys have been crazy, ornery, defiant, horrible listeners, itchy two year old... it wasn't even after noon when the thought hit me..."How in the world am I supposed to take care of and be with these boys for 10 days?! without my husband..." cue, panic, worry, anxiety, coupled with bouts of depression....I'm a mess ya'll and now the world knows :)....I prayed calmed myself down and tried to move forward needless to say Monday ended but Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday followed along with the chaos that was this week. Talk about doubt about our decision. When I finally found myself back on track yesterday around 3:30 in the afternoon...it hit me..."what do you expect when you follow my plan?" I call my hubby on the way to target, I almost lost it several times during our five minute phone call...because these sweet boys are just exhausting and draining this week....especially when he said, "we got this, we are going to make it through this." <-- there it is we got this...cue our convo that very morning about how we would make it because of HE who gives us strength. "Light bulb" Angela you have been carrying too much this week, a burden that isn't yours to carry, leaning on people who don't deserve that and that don't even realize I'm putting that on them.


This week has required TONS of desperate prayer, caffeine, a little bit of sugar, lots of water, and more out of me than I often know that I have. I don't know what the future holds exactly but there will fundraising, a trip to the airport, baking, lots of baking, preparations for a trip, LOTS of prayer for India as well as our Birthday Blessing ministry that a friend and I are partnering in....life is crazy beautiful right now...sometimes more crazy than anything but hey that's life right?!


I was reminded yesterday afternoon that I'm not in this alone. My Savior paid the debt and took my burden on himself there is no reason for me to carry it...he is walking right beside me longing for me to let it go and let him carry it and help me through these times. I just need to remember that.


let this be a reminder that your not alone and that burden your carrying isn't yours to carry.


Do not fear for I am with you, do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you: I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10


Search me oh God and know my heart, test me and know my anxious thoughts see if there is any offensive way in me and lead me in the way everlasting Psalm 139:23-24


In all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us Romans 8:37


Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior who daily bears our burdens Psalm 69:19


You are my refuge and my shield, I have put my hope in your word Psalm 119:114


I can do all things through him who gives me strength Philippians 4:13


Go in peace...until next time

I Deserve it....

You deserve it.....
how many times a day do you hear that? you deserve new furniture, more food or your food made exactly the way you want it...and don't forget fast. no need to wait or even use that one room in the house?! I deserve my house, my car(s), cabinets full of food, a room full of toys for my children, oh when you mention children, healthy, happy, growing, and obedient; great neighbors, good schools, caring family, a job, at least one tv, a refrigerator, 3+ sinks, a backyard, a garage, a computer, cable, internet, a good church, great friends, clothes, a walk in closet to hold those clothes...ok I think you get it. Over the past few months its been blatantly obvious how abundant my life here is and it is because I was born in the United States....sure there is homeless, hungry, struggling people within a one mile radius of my house but I can still avoid it if I choose to.


Marketers have some how convinced us that these things are privileges things we are owed. Whether we see it on billboards on the way to the store, or at night when we are watching TV and we have seen commercials about having "more, more, more" at least 20 times in a one hour show. Its no wonder our homes are full of stuff and when we can its new or fresh because that's the best...I mean after all we deserve it. right?! What about all those people around the world who don't even have clean water. clean water now that is a basic human right, but most people don't have it...780 million people worldwide lack access to clean water...that's 1 in 9 people...get this I know more than 9 people that have clean water...its so easy to forget this simple yet crucial resource that I have in abundance.


As I was standing in my climate controlled kitchen making dinner with a fresh tomato, and bell pepper that I had the privilege of running to the grocery store last night to just because we wanted some pasta salad. I thought about my friends at the life shelter who have children that they can't provide for. They don't get the fresh food that I have the luxury of keeping in stock in my fridge. My boys LOVE fresh fruits and veggies. These parents despite their deep desire to provide that can't. Don't they deserve to be able to go to the store and buy fruit, fresh fruit, and vegetables and store them in their fridge at home, a place where they can always return to at the end of the day?! These parents, these people just want to provide or have that safe place to call theirs. Don't we all deserve that?!


If it was a perfect world yes, if we were still in Eden, yes, but the truth is...


We don't deserve it...we don't deserve...anything but death.


In Romans it tells us that the wages or the cost of my sin of just me living/being born is death. So that is what I deserve...that is what we all deserve. It doesn't matter how good of a person you are, what you do for a living, the color of your skin, where you were born or who you were born to. We are all born sinners...


pretty sad huh...the great thing is our story doesn't end there. Because of Jesus we get so much more than we deserve. That is why we MUST go out and make a difference, that's why we cannot avoid those who are down and out. My heart breaks for them. yes, I'm sure they have made bad choices, addictions etc. but haven't we all?! Sure if you know my story my addictions are shopping, caffeine and sugar...they wont kill me, they wont really even hurt me, but we all have struggles. That's what makes us human.


we are called to love one another, go sit, eat, serve those close to you, that are down and out. They are just like you


1 Corinthians 13: 3-8


If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.
Love is patient, love is kind. it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. it does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. it always protects , always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.


John 3:16
For God so loved the world that he gave his only son that who so ever believes in him shall have eternal life.


Romans 6:23
For the wages of sin is death but the GIFT of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord


As some friends and I go forth in our Jesus story and reach out to those in our community in some pretty awesome ways, that God is opening up (some pretty awesome God Stories to come) Please pray that we contact those we are supposed to and that God will continue to open doors and bless this ministry that he has called us to! I cannot wait to share it with you. Go in peace, love and hope that in Jesus we don't get what we deserve because who really wants what we actually deserve?

Holding On

As most of you know we have two little boys, man these boys amaze me. How can they be growing so quickly? They change in some way every day. Some days are fun, spent getting dirty, exploring, riding bicycles, learning just being kids. Other days are not so fun, they are the every day the mundane the life in the middle on the way to the mountain tops or valleys. Regardless each day is a gift, each day is a day we will never see again and it’s a new chance to be their mom. Those days are often the hardest but there always seems to be a greater purpose at the end.

These two sweet boys are now 4 and 2, they are outgoing, adventurous, strong, bold, fearless, hungry, dirty, all out. So when one of them has a toy that is “theirs” for that day if they see the other has it…let’s just say you better watch out…Well this morning our youngest got a hold of big brothers car, he hadn’t seen it in months but we found it a few days ago in the couch so now it belongs to HIM!! For the first little bit big brother didn’t notice (SCORE: little brother winJ) then big brother noticed…oh man. You can just imagine the fit that followed that realization. That fit lead to hyperventilating, loud crying, the crying you can’t really get away from that only gets worse as they grow, throwing pretty much anything in the near vicinity, running, chasing trying to get THAT car back. Life as we know it cannot move forward until THAT car is back in his hands. So like any good parent, I tried to just move forward, finish getting ready, working around the fit and just more or less letting it take its course. I mean how long can this really go on…it is just a car?! Little did I know, it could last a while, it lasted through changing clothes, loading them into the car, and about half way there calm fell over the car…UNTIL little brother started playing with the car again. Cue screaming, hysterical 4 year old.  Driving through that is not easy…so I tried appealing to our youngest. I turned back and (quickly) asked, “Please, share that car with your big brother.” He did it. He shared!!!! Sigh of relief…didn’t see it coming but I’m thankful he was just as annoyed with the fit as I was. Then it hit me…it’s all about letting go.

At some point in life there are times when we need to hold on to things tightly, other times we need to just let go. The longer he held on to the car the longer the fit would go on. You see some things are meant to be held on to and it will end well, some things aren’t. The longer we hold on the deeper the hurt, the deeper the wound, the deeper we get in. You see it seems harmless, after all it’s just a car and he will eventually move on right?! True, but is that car worth that friendship, relationship? My guess is no, typically it’s not.

Deep down I think our little boy was just worn down but I also think he knew that his brother wanted that car more than he did. Don’t we all want to meet the needs of those we love? We want to help them out and speak to those deepest desires that say we love you and we would give up THAT toy for you, you are worth more than any one thing.

Choosing the greater good, letting go, moving forward, that’s where we find love, unity, and others who are there beside us. You see we are bound together and more often than not we hold on to things that come between us. I don’t think we always see it like that though. I’m pretty sure we see the thing we are holding on to of upmost importance, we don’t see the cost of that, so we don’t see the value of letting it go. Standing on one side of holding on, I see the value of letting go. Trust me it’s worth it. Not only is the peace and quiet worth it, the company, the companionship, love, unity, joy.

Yes it is always worth letting go, especially in the right time, yes it is very hard to know when to hold on and when to let go. Lots of prayer, support and love, will get you through it and you will see how wonderful and freeing it is to let go. I know it feels like you need to hold on, what price are you paying to hold on? Stress? Strained relationships?

On the flip side when the time is right its worth holding on. You see this is a weird balance. Holding on is needed sometimes. Hope is worth holding on to no matter what.

You see those two boys in the backseat; in this tiny seemingly meaningless argument learned something. They learned that it is better to let go some times. They learned that they are supposed to value the other person more than an object. They learned that they are responsible for the decisions they make. They learned that their decision to hold on to something impacts other people (often more than you realize). They learn so much every day especially on those normal days. That’s why those rough, mundane, seemingly long days are worth it, so worth it. I want them to learn now; I love them too much to wait until they will choose something that will cost a lot more than the loss of a toy car and some tears. They deserve that.

What will you choose today? Do you need to hold on a little more even though you’re tired of the battle? Do you need to let go and let healing, love, joy, peace come through? You can’t have one without the other.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

There is a time for everything,
    and a season for every activity under the heavens:

²     a time to be born and a time to die,
    a time to plant and a time to uproot,
³     a time to kill and a time to heal,
    a time to tear down and a time to build,
⁴     a time to weep and a time to laugh,
    a time to mourn and a time to dance,
⁵     a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
    a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
⁶     a time to search and a time to give up,
    a time to keep and a time to throw away,
⁷     a time to tear and a time to mend,
    a time to be silent and a time to speak,
⁸     a time to love and a time to hate,
    a time for war and a time for peace.

 

the two become one flesh

I’ve had the idea to write about our marriage a few times and just couldn’t get past a certain point…I get stuck sometimes…writers block or maybe just two boys who need extra attention or it’s just not the right time to write about it.

However today/this week my hubby has been on my heart. You see he is one of the strongest men I know nothing really gets him down. If you know him, you know he has a super positive outlook on life he, he loves summer, he loves food, he loves running but most of all he loves his family, he takes time after his early morning runs to read his bible and lift us up  in prayer. I love and respect this man with all my heart.

You see when I was growing up I always imagined growing up, getting married and having a family. That was my dream; sure I wanted to be a dancer or ice skater or musician, but most of all I desired to be a wife and mom. I prayed for that and longed for that. One of my earliest memories of my dad was him saying “no boys until after college” and one of their earliest stories of my sister and I is me telling her the same thing. (little secret…it didn’t work…my dad knew his little girl really well)

As I got older I heard that mantra several times, and didn’t like it most days, I mean hello. You could say it was my deepest desire. I had lots of crushes, a couple boyfriends, but I did try to stay away from boys because it was important to put God first, figure out what his plan for me was and be independent. As I graduated from high school and headed to college, I knew I would find the man of my dreams there. (another thing about my parents was they always strived to raise us to be adults, my favorite company was those older than me, you could have deep conversations with them. I preferred adults to my peers my age) So when I met Daniel we talked, and talked. We really got to know each other, we had a blast just being in each other’s presence. We would have great deep conversations, and as we did we got closer and closer. It felt right in so many ways, he encouraged me to be me, and he helped me in school. I knew he was the man of my dreams, I felt it in my heart of hearts. You know that peace that surpasses all understanding, it was right there in the middle of it all.

….

It all happened really fast, I had a mentor in high school who told us that when you met the person you were meant to be with, “you just know, it feels right.” In the midst of it all I found that to be true… I just knew. I can tell you now going on 7 years later I love him more today than I ever thought was possible.

Ok don’t get me wrong, there are tough spots, we don’t see eye to eye, life is crazy, sometimes in life we are ships passing in the night, other times are wonderful. There will always be hard times I mean, come one we marry the two are becoming one flesh, it’s a process of becoming one. 6.5 years into our marriage I’m getting more of a glimpse of this concept. I get that feeling deep down that something just isn’t right with him, that’s where I’m called to intercede in prayer for him. There’s those moments when he’s sick and I can “feel” it, my heart breaks for him. The great thing is it goes both ways, I know he’s down in the trenches with me. On days when I’m having a bad day he steps up to the plate and takes over, lets me get out or just have some quiet time. When the house is in a state of disarray he jumps in and helps. We feel deeply for each others’ pain, we have joy for one another when we have a victory, when one hurts the other hurts, we are becoming one flesh.

That’s our calling for our marriages, to be each others’ help mate to hold one another accountable, to build each other up and complement our weaknesses. Embracing one another and not letting us stay the same but grow. Pushing one another to being the best us as possible, that’s why I will always be at the finish line with our boys cheering him on at his marathons, that’s why I will cook him meals to accommodate his running which has helped all of us be healthier. His passions have stretched all of us as do mine. Embrace one another’s strengths, come together to overcome weaknesses; strive to see the positive remember their good qualities, why you married them and why you love them. Let those things overshadow their faults. Be encouraged friends

Genesis 2: 23-25

This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man.

That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife and they become one flesh.

Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.

 

Embracing Butterflies

If there is one thing I’ve learned from being a parent is that life is full of those moments/choices that make us feel uncomfortable. Watching your little one ride their bicycle for the first time… Seeing them push past fears (and yours)… seeing them achieve… seeing them fall/fail… That moment I feel butterflies in my tummy, and depending on the moment my heart stops, sometimes I forget to breathe.  In the end no matter what I’m so proud of them.

These butterflies aren’t anything new, especially for me; I get them over simple things like making a phone call or going to a party or gathering with a lot of people. These butterflies have just become part of life, most of the time they are frustrating. I wish I could just do these things without having to push past that feeling. That constant nagging that something could go wrong…that I could say something wrong and look stupid. However there is a good side to these butterflies, I get butterflies when I’m reuniting with friends after a long time apart, when I’m picking my hubby up from the airport.

These butterflies…oh these butterflies…I’m learning daily how to embrace them. These butterflies often precede something incredible happening, sometimes they are my internal warning system. They are my daily reminder that I have the Holy Spirit. That gentle nudging, to let go, move forward, act, encourage, speak, go, listen. I’ve learned a lot through my life that these butterflies are worth listening to, and more importantly worth embracing. Although I’m not great at embracing them as I feel I should be. I’m afraid of where they will take me.  What boundaries that I have put in place will be pushed?  Is it worth pushing through it? How can I ignore this? Won’t this feeling pass?

Well let me share my most recent experiences with my butterflies…

The first started with an outing with our Sunday school class…our class is awesome. Each month we plan a service Sunday where we as a class and sometimes we are able to even take our families along. Well this last month we chose to serve some people in our community lunch. (A few things about me 1. I love food and I love cooking for others 2. As you probably could assume from above I’m not a confident conversationalist) So I’m all about the food part and serving the second half…ummm not so much…so despite my greatest efforts to skip this service Sunday. Things aligned where there was no excuses left (except for me to flat out say I didn’t want to go) my plans to pick up my friend from the airport switched to the day before, the boys were in great moods. We were meant to be there…I wasn’t comfortable…as Sunday progressed my anxiety levels rose…I prayed for peace, a calming….I had a feeling we were called to go so by the end of it I embraced the butterflies packed up some food and we headed to church. We briefed our boys who were as equally excited about participating as their daddy and we headed out. I’m so socially awkward sometimes…but do you know what?? That doesn’t matter. We weren’t called there for me to engage the community we were serving. Sure maybe I made an impact but I was there to support those who are GREAT at communicating. We are all created equally, we are the body of Christ all working together to further the kingdom. Without a single part of the body functioning as it should, the body isn’t efficient; it’s not fulfilling its purpose. I was reminded about 1 Corinthians 12:12-31 What I learned from embracing these butterflies…God isn’t calling me to be someone I’m not created to be he’s calling me to be me to excel there and trust him in that. He knows when I need to be stretched and I know when he’s stretching me…he won’t blind side me with that. I trust him…he’s well worth your trust.

The second was a road trip. Oh man I was anxious about this trip…I wasn’t sure if it was the good or bad anxiety. After weighing all things we came to the conclusion that I was just over thinking it.SOO despite my greatest reservations our two little boys and I packed up the car and headed to Missouri leaving daddy at home. The plan was for us to drive and him to fly up and meet us when he could get off work. I was afraid of all the what if’s…turns out I have a very vivid imagination…not in a good way. However I decided to embrace it…yes it was messy, it was long, it was crazy but we got an extra 3 days and it was so relaxing. I learned to tell my imagination to chill, to embrace the craziness that is road tripping with two boys under 4 alone, and trust that in the end it would be worth it. You know the less I let myself think and dwell about things and the faster I turn them over…the easier it is.

Sure its getting a tiny bit easier to embrace my butterflies but its hard…I don’t like them most of the time and I’m still running away from some butterflies but that’s another story for another day. The butterflies that are telling you…you’re anxious about stopping by a friend’s house are worth embracing, the butterflies that are pushing your comfort zone in good ways are worth embracing. Whatever, your butterflies embrace them. Get used to that feeling in your gut…embrace it, listen to it, pray about it.

Blessings and Love…Until we meet again

1 Corinthians 12:12-31

Unity and Diversity in the Body

¹² Just as a body, though one, has many parts, but all its many parts form one body, so it is with Christ. ¹³ For we were all baptized by^[c] one Spirit so as to form one body—whether Jews or Gentiles, slave or free—and we were all given the one Spirit to drink. ¹⁴ Even so the body is not made up of one part but of many.

¹⁵ Now if the foot should say, “Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body,” it would not for that reason stop being part of the body. ¹⁶ And if the ear should say, “Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body,” it would not for that reason stop being part of the body. ¹⁷ If the whole body were an eye, where would the sense of hearing be? If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be? ¹⁸ But in fact God has placed the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be. ¹⁹ If they were all one part, where would the body be? ²⁰ As it is, there are many parts, but one body.

²¹ The eye cannot say to the hand, “I don’t need you!” And the head cannot say to the feet, “I don’t need you!” ²² On the contrary, those parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, ²³ and the parts that we think are less honorable we treat with special honor. And the parts that are unpresentable are treated with special modesty, ²⁴ while our presentable parts need no special treatment. But God has put the body together, giving greater honor to the parts that lacked it, ²⁵ so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other. ²⁶ If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it.

²⁷ Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it. ²⁸ And God has placed in the church first of all apostles, second prophets, third teachers, then miracles, then gifts of healing, of helping, of guidance, and of different kinds of tongues. ²⁹ Are all apostles? Are all prophets? Are all teachers? Do all work miracles? ³⁰ Do all have gifts of healing? Do all speak in tongues^[d]? Do all interpret? ³¹ Now eagerly desire the greater gifts.

 

Undone: God's up to something

I honestly just don't know where to start here...although I should figure it out because typing isn't as easy as it should be right now...only 3 days...more on that later. All I know is its been a tough few weeks for various reasons. It all started about 5 to 6 weeks ago when we started a series at church titled planted: in relationships the first one on families. These weeks have also included graduations, both high school and college. While they are in the past I remember them well.


Over the last few years I have felt called to "families" its still vague to me in details and process but I'm open to wherever it leads and what that looks like. However these sermons on relationships caused me to look in places I thought were healed. Things I thought I had dealt with often creep up in new ways. I don't like this process but know its necessary for lots of reasons.


During the recognition of college graduates you could hear each of the families so very excited and proud of their graduate, they couldn't wait until the end to cheer. I love the way our church celebrates families in each phase. They had each and every high school graduate cross the stage while they announced them, their accomplishments, and their plans for the future. This is something they do every year and its our second year to see it however, this year something hit me and it was uncomfortable and a little to close to home. Ok too close to home...while I was so happy for them my heart was sad. All I could think was this (my high school graduation) was the last time they were proud of me, the last accomplishment they would take part in and rejoice with me.


I know its because of some choices I made...these choices lead me to where I am now. I'm married to the man of my dreams with my two little amazing men who are growing up way too fast. I wouldn't change these things for anything...even though I miss them so much and its still such a tender spot...the truth is I want it to stay that way because it connects me with those in the same place as me.


I pray everyday for healing and restoration...this keeps me humble and reliant
this makes me appreciate my relationships and cherish them
the tender spot keeps me real and in touch
it keeps me undone at the feet of my Jesus...longing for what he has in store for my future.


In some ways I want to go back to feeling like I have dealt with all these feelings, emotions, everything because its just easier. However, its not real and feeling the un-doneness reminds me that until heaven I'm a work in progress.


About 10 days ago when our oldest went to slam our backdoor shut while I was outside, I (unsuccessfully) tried to stop it, my right hand went straight through the glass. Which resulted in a trip to the ER...my very first trip...and 24 stitches in my pinky and ring finger...OUCH!! I went in today to get my stitches out. On the outside it looked better, I was so excited...it hurt more than I expected...and I hadn't eaten much, my heart was racing and I was sweating, I didn't see this ending well. I just took lots of deep breaths and it was all said and done in 20 minutes. However she still had to wrap them up and put those paper stitches on...you see on the outside to the untrained eye it looked better. However, it just wasn't as healed as it needed to be.


Just like me, my heart. My fingers will heal 100% soon. My heart will heal fully eventually until then I lean on my heavenly father and those friends he has placed in my life to help me in this process. The reason I know God is up to something...I'm alive and I'm uncomfortable and I'm at peace.


Prayers for you and yours, in whatever season you find yourself lean on Him who gives us strength, hope, and endures all things right alongside us.

as iron sharpens iron proverbs 27:17

I have been trying to find the right words for this post for about a week now...the way these ladies in my life have just blessed me is humbling and all I can say is I love each and everyone of them to pieces and in honor of all of you and your amazing families... :)
I have had the privilege to be surrounded by some AMAZING women these last few weeks. These are women that I aspire to be and I'm thankful I get to live life alongside them. I'm excited that I get to live life with them. You may not know the same women I do but I know you "know" them, you have them in your life.
These women help me grow daily...As iron sharpens iron, right?...They inspire me to be the best me I can be they encourage me in the daily struggle that is being a mom to my awesome boys and a wife to my wonderful husband, and the calling I have on my own life.
We look to scripture to learn how we are supposed to be, how we are supposed to live. How awesome is it that in our lives we have living pictures of women who are striving to live up to this call and purpose.
This women are strong, fierce, bold, compassionate, loving, servants who see need and are quick to act. They look for ways to reach out to those who aren't as fortunate as them. To those who are hurting they wrap their arms around them, they pray for them and they try to fulfill needs they cant during their grief. They pick up the slack when your week isn't going great. They encourage, lift up, and help maintain accountability in friendships. They help restore your faith in people. They surprise you. They love deeply and fully. They struggle, they live very real lives, sometimes messy, very imperfect but they demonstrate Jesus.
OH how boring and hard life would be without these ladies in my life. I literally cannot say enough good things about them, words cant describe what all they mean to me and the crazy thing is...I know they would say the same about me and they probably wouldn't realize I'm talking about them, because we don't often see the good in us. We are our own worse enemy but you know what these ladies are simply amazing, oh. so. stunning, selfless, life affirming people. They give so much life, its an honor to be a part of the iron that sharpens.
For all of you wonderful women...Thank you! I love you beyond what words can say and I literally don't know what I would do without you, you are all special, stunning individuals and I'm oh so thankful for each one of you that God has placed in my life. You all inspire me!!
There is no doubt that God has intertwined all of us together, for this season (and hopefully LOTS more).
As iron sharpens iron so a friend sharpens a friend. Proverbs 27:17
so thankful to call you friends

Hope...a promise waiting to be fulfilled

Hi friends its been a while...not a lot has changed but life has moved forward very quickly over the last few weeks. It seems as though a lot of people are dealing with loss of loved ones lately. Be still my heart...my dear friends know that your in our prayers and we are grieving with you, lifting you up in your healing and begging God for comfort on your behalf! You are loved and you arent alone!




Last week was the last of our spring bible study, "It's not too Late" by Tony Evans, and we studied Sarah. We have all heard the story about her and Abraham and their promised son and their understandable doubt about the fulfillment of the promise due to their old age. All of this made sense, I understood, I mean who wouldn't doubt? We all doubt, question and wonder about the promises made to us. Did I hear right? Did I dream it up? Maybe I didn't hear correctly.




We all have those promises that have yet to be fulfilled, sometimes its because its just not the right time. God's time is ideal even though it doesn't feel like it. However, what if we are standing in our own way? what if our doubt is the reason our promise is delayed?


I have to say this was....confusing, I don't know I cant think of the right word...but I know I stand in my own way for so many things. I know that I all too often take what I have given over to God back...knowing full well its better off in his hands. I'm not patient, its gotten better as I have grown with my two amazing boys. I like to have a plan, to see what's coming, to be prepared. This is where I find comfort, instead of God...a constant struggle that we are working on. My security rests (should rest) in him alone. My future, my hopes, dreams, security, peace, joy, my life, my family (all members) lives in my relationship with him. He is the reason I can look to the future and have hope.


I get where this study is going and I've struggled with its message for two weeks now. Am I the one standing in the way of my promise being fulfilled? Is a promise really that simple? How can I change the unchangeable? One of my favorite professors said, "Don't doubt in the darkness what you knew to be true in the light." < This helps me refocus, because God's promise is unfailing, and unfaltering.


I've been told so many times that its ok to doubt and question, that God understands and meets us there. Life is a refining process, I grow so much then regress so much its pretty ridiculous. There are so many truths about God that I hold to during these times of growth. He is always there, he knows all things, holds all things. God knows how my heart yearns for change, and how much I want his promise fulfilled.


As of right now, I'm still seeking wisdom and discernment in this. This is my God story, my life story that God is working daily; through my awesome friends, through bible study, through all the people in my life, through all of those praying that God will work and fulfill his promises, in his perfect timing. I know his promise is coming! I know there is a lot of growing to do as we wait and seek. Praying for you, that you have hope in his promises because you know what?! God always does what he says he is going to do!! ALWAYS! you can always count on him.


Until we meet again blessings to you all!

hope in death

Hi friends...today I come with a broken grieving heart for those in our lives that have had a loss in their family. The great thing about being followers of Jesus is there is hope in death. There is everlasting life after this life is over.


As many of you know I have people in my life I pray for daily. I pray that God will change hearts, heal relationships and rebuild. I have a very close friend who lost her dad...I'm angry that he would loose this life as a loving husband and father one that was so involved in his families life, He made a great impact in his community. We all have faults but I know they are all celebrating his life this week and mourning his loss. We all know he's dancing and praising Jesus...oh to be in his presence. Can you imagine? We also have friends who lost one of their children last week...oh be still my heart...cannot imagine. I'm praying without ceasing for both of these friends because I just cannot fathom. I have two healthy strong willed boys who are currently fighting and whining...but my friends only got two months with their daughter, and so many others have trouble conceiving, or loose babies earlier than that, so often we take for granted the daily life we have.


Last night as we were getting ready for bed my heart just broke for these two friends and their families and I was so angry how can God take these and leave those in my life who don't seem to care, who don't want to change? how can taking a grandfather and dad away from a family whom he was an active part in...and leave those who choose to disown because of choices made. those who are stuck? Last night as I slept/rested because I don't feel as though I "slept" much God said to me...its because I'm not finished yet, I don't know God's plan (clearly) I don't understand why for some 2 months is just long enough, while others get to live 100's. I stand with my sweet friends in faith, praying for their grief, their hearts, that the peace that surpasses understanding will fall upon them. That our God of comfort wraps his ever loving arms around them, when we cant be there.


God's not through...that couldn't bring me more peace however my heart still breaks for my friends. Know that although we aren't with you we stand with you in your grief and hurt, that your in our thoughts and prayers, always!


I know there is hope in death because of our faith and hope in Jesus. Last night during our Seder dinner we were reminded that its because of the perfect sacrifice of Jesus that we have new life. Lets celebrate Life this week, the life of Jesus, his work here on earth that ended in a brutal death on the cross for us. Then on Easter morning lets celebrate, the hope we have because Jesus could not be stopped by death. HE is the reason we have hope and life in the loss and pain that is death.


Please join with me in praying for all of those that have lost someone near and dear to them. You may be hurting because of a loss in your own family, or someone close to you. Lets stand in the gaps and lift one another up. Blessings and love to you all!

The Disciples’ Grief Will Turn to Joy

¹⁶ Jesus went on to say, “In a little while you will see me no more, and then after a little while you will see me.”
¹⁷ At this, some of his disciples said to one another, “What does he mean by saying, ‘In a little while you will see me no more, and then after a little while you will see me,’ and ‘Because I am going to the Father’?” ¹⁸ They kept asking, “What does he mean by ‘a little while’? We don’t understand what he is saying.”
¹⁹ Jesus saw that they wanted to ask him about this, so he said to them, “Are you asking one another what I meant when I said, ‘In a little while you will see me no more, and then after a little while you will see me’? ²⁰ Very truly I tell you, you will weep and mourn while the world rejoices. You will grieve, but your grief will turn to joy. ²¹ A woman giving birth to a child has pain because her time has come; but when her baby is born she forgets the anguish because of her joy that a child is born into the world. ²² So with you: Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy. ²³ In that day you will no longer ask me anything. Very truly I tell you, my Father will give you whatever you ask in my name. ²⁴ Until now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete.
²⁵ “Though I have been speaking figuratively, a time is coming when I will no longer use this kind of language but will tell you plainly about my Father. ²⁶ In that day you will ask in my name. I am not saying that I will ask the Father on your behalf. ²⁷ No, the Father himself loves you because you have loved me and have believed that I came from God. ²⁸ I came from the Father and entered the world; now I am leaving the world and going back to the Father.”
²⁹ Then Jesus’ disciples said, “Now you are speaking clearly and without figures of speech. ³⁰ Now we can see that you know all things and that you do not even need to have anyone ask you questions. This makes us believe that you came from God.”
³¹ “Do you now believe?” Jesus replied. ³² “A time is coming and in fact has come when you will be scattered, each to your own home. You will leave me all alone. Yet I am not alone, for my Father is with me.
³³ “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

God Speaks through our Littles

Hi friends its been a while! I've heard lots of God stories between now and the last time...and excited that one of our friends will be sharing her God Stories with us!!... we were together. God continues to blow me away everyday, it is always so refreshing to be reminded of God's work in our lives on a daily basis.






This past few months in parenting have been tough both boys are growing, it amazes me how much they change everyday. Man oh man they are strong willed and thoroughly enjoy asserting their independence, which often ends up in a power struggle...something I am working on. I pray every day for the ways I can be a better mom, how I can encourage them to grow into who they are meant/created to be. All that to say we are all growing and learning, thankful for grace and a new chance everyday!




I'm beyond blessed to be these boys mom, they and their daddy challenge me to be the best me I can everyday and they bless me through it all. When I was sick on Monday they all three just loved on me. Our little J is becoming such a little man. He knows when mommy needs chocolate when him and daddy run to whole foods.




All this to say our little J has a gift of discernment...(can I just say I LOVE learning more about these boys their gifts and talents everyday?)




We have two awesome stories about how God has worked through this little man in our lives.


Several months back (ok more like last summer)  we had just left church we were on our way to visit my sister for lunch and J insisted on us stopping for drinks at QT. We indulged...when we stopped we (all) noticed  this couple sitting outside. They looked out of place...one glance in their eyes and you could tell they were both hurting. Both of them were dirty, wearing old clothes, just sitting outside. She had her arms stretched around her ever growing belly. On the way out our sweet boy J asked his daddy about them. His daddy has such a heart for hurting people went over to see if there was a way to help. When they got back into the truck J says. "we helped those people"




Our next story happened this last sunday night...J has a BIG sweet tooth...and I have no idea where he gets it...hehe its all me ;) so when he asked for a treat we didn't think that much about it. After we asked him what he wanted for dessert he said that he wanted to go get ice cream. It was getting late but we figured hey why not its not like we are 50+ miles away from a sonic. So we loaded the boys up in pajamas and headed to sonic. However in light of our little man growing up and giving him decisions we asked him where he wanted to go get some ice cream. We thought he kept saying McDonalds as we were about to turn to go to Sonic...I heard him clearly say he didn't want to go to McDonalds he wanted to go to the ice cream place by McDonalds which just happens to be Braums...and we all love us some Braums. So off to Braums we went. After we got some ice cream we saw this little old lady outside. She was dressed very warm but nothing besides four walls and a heater would keep you warm from the wicked north wind that was blowing that night. She had lots of bags like she had just got some groceries. For all we know it could have been all she owned. Hubby just had to stop and ask if she needed help...have I mentioned how much I love this mans heart for hurting people?...she said all she needed was a ride...


Had J not asked, had we decided to stay home, had I not heard him clearly, had we just drove on by, what would have happened to that lady that night?


...........................................It took all of us working together.............................................


One thing hubby and I have learned a long time ago in our marriage was to listen to each other and to listen to our children's discernment. Sunday night hit me like a ton of bricks...OMGosh really angela duh...Jesus loved the children. They have more faith and trust than any of us, of course he will use them to reach out to those broken and hurting. Those who need him. Our sweet boys haven't yet been desensitized to their world and the things that breaks God's heart.




My prayer for this season of life comes from one of my favorite songs by Hillsong Hosanna
Chorus:
Heal my heart and make it clean
open up my eyes to the things unseen
show me how to love like you have loved me


break my heart for what breaks yours
everything I am for your kingdom come
as I walk from earth into eternity


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_ajFnnKFivY




Matthew 18: 1-4
At that time the disciples came to Jesus and asked, "Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?"  He called a little child and had him stand among them. And he said: "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven...."


until we meet again. blessings to you and yours!!

always darkest before the dawn

Saturday was a day I've been looking forward to with lots of anxiety covered in prayer (when I began this it was Saturday but now it was 2 Saturdays ago :)...a day that ended with peace and reassurance. A day that was overall an answered prayer. Now some of you will remember a post I did a few weeks ago about Healing and Calling Instead of Bitterness this weekend was a step forward At least for me...but I'm pretty sure it was for all involved only time will tell.


One thing I've struggled with for most of my life is feeling inadequate and a lack of self confidence however over the last few months since my bible studies I've been reminded of who I am because of God and who he created me to be. God had this whole day orchestrated it started with "coffee" with an awesome friend who I'm loving getting to know...a kindred spirit that keeps me grounded :) she's pretty ah.mazing! The greatest thing about this trip for me was the drive...the moments when I doubt question and often just hunker down in fear mode...the Truths that I have kept telling myself over these last few months/years were what my inner dialogue said not the lies?! can you say wow I never thought that it would stick. but it did and can I say it was refreshing...our God is great and his word is true and you are not the lies the inner you says; you are the truths that the bible speaks over you! Believe it; Own it; Say it out loud and say it every time you revert back to the lies and one day you will believe and speak the truth on the inside!


A thing that struck me today was 1) how beautiful it was outside this morning and how loud the birds were singing 2) that is one of my hubs favorite reasons for running in the morning. He always mentions how no matter how dark it is outside, whenever the birds wake up they sing. They sing loud and proud there is nothing that can or will inhibit their singing and joy that they have another day. 3. this is how I should LIVE everyday of my life no matter how dark it may be before the dawn of a new day. I should shout and sing and praise God for the blessing that is today, because he provides for the birds and he loves us that much more. Yet we forget and often fail to praise in the good let alone the bad or the dark.


So my reminder everyday is to praise God uninhibited no matter what time or season it may be in our lives. I don't know what is ahead I don't know what to expect from this point moving forward I really hope the meeting a few Saturday's ago turns into something bigger and better because my God can fix it, heal it, and build it back to where it was and better, I also know that no matter what God has me in his hands and he has something great for me! The same thing is true for you!


So next time you hear the birds singing remember to praise God, seek God and just pray without ceasing. He has a plan for us and lets move forward in that.


Blessings and Peace


Angela

our lies over God's truth

I recently began a bible study on Gideon...to be honest I had no idea what to expect. Little did I know it was exactly what I needed. You see most of my life I've been just like Gideon, timid, uncertain, afraid, nervous, insecure...and all too often I've let that be my identity. The great thing is that is not my identity...that isn't me.


God has really been working on me about this for a LONG time, looking through the old testament during this bible study, you see the Israelites half way listened to God on numerous occasions. Like them once I feel like its finished...I stop there and don't move forward again until absolutely necessary because the refining process is painful, long and hard. So when I sit down and see the overview of a people group who pretty much lived through generations who went through the same cycle I am. I feel less alone in the struggle, but realize that umm the Israelites never got it. They never fully stepped into the full blessing of God. The land they didn't conquer was outside of their comfort zone, they didn't believe God to lead them to the full blessing. <---- oh my goodness...what am I leaving behind? what am I missing out on? what am I settling for and is it really worth it? why do I settle and how do I move forward fully and trust God through the pain?


The most frustrating thing for me is why am I afraid to trust God who has proved himself to me and so many others so many times? God is more than capable of handling my chaos, my crisis and for some reason in my finite life I think I have a better plan...ARE YOU SERIOUS??? I know I'm not alone and everyday I wake up in my failures and have no problem reminding myself how lame I am. You know what....as long as I have believed these lies they are not truth.


The truth is I'm/We are...


a daughter/son of the Most High King
Forgiven - all forgiven and its all forgotten...God doesn't remember only you do
Loved fully and unconditionally
fearfully and wonderfully made
fully known and loved [despite it all]
priceless
adored
created in his image


...to name a few. When the angel came to Gideon he called him a valiant warrior...[Gideon was hiding] God sees us for who he created us to be and he calls us by who we are. His Truth about us that is what we are, not the other way around.


I don't know the answers to these questions join me on this journey and lets learn this together. :) lets lean on God and watch him work miracles in our lives and let him transform us fully.


In the mean time I'm really looking forward to my Bible Study on Gideon by Priscilla Shirer.


Thanks for joining me on this journey. To God be the Glory. Go in peace, love and blessing. Trust the God who began it all and loves despite it all.

Created in his likeness

This morning as I was spending time with our little C before big brother woke up. I started thinking about how my sweet little C is my hubby's duplicate, not only is he pretty close to a spitting image of him, his mannerisms, just the way he is reminds me of my husband. Anyone who knows my husband knows that he is very persistent and never gives up...one of hubby's most frustrating traits in C is this one: C will scream and fight to against it all to accomplish the goal ahead and the biggest thing he doesn't want is help...can anyone say this is his daddy...and I KNOW this is how his mom felt when he was growing up. To be honest I know the same is true for me and J we are so very alike its crazy, exciting and very frustrating at times. Ahh the joys of child rearing :)

All that to say when people see our children and they know us....they have no doubt that they belong to us. J and C will just show you exactly how much they are like us, even to our detriment some times. I mean I really don't want some of my bad habits out there for everyone to see but when I take them places together everyone knows that mommy has a bad temper sometimes, on some occasions they surprise you and show off and show people that on rare occasions mommy and daddy did something right. I mean don't get me wrong I think most of the time we are doing a good job but somehow parenting seems to bring out your greatest failures, and your biggest doubts about yourself. All that to say these little people that God blessed us with....are little reflections of their parents in everything that entails.

As followers of Jesus...isn't that what I'm supposed to do? reflect to others who God is? Be a light to those who need it? Help those in need? I mean after all we were created in the image of God.

I know that because of the fall and sin we don't always reflect that especially just in our innate being. The great part is as followers of Jesus we have the Holy Spirit to truly help us reflect Jesus to our world.

I know I'm not always a good reflection of him but I do try my best and I know fully that God helps me and he truly is the only reason I can reflect his greatness. This struck me really hard this morning, it really made me think what a challenge to pull me back into the loving arms of my savior than a prayer to be more like him. So that I will reflect him more so than my broken self. I'm always amazed at the great whispers I hear, or the nudges I feel from my sweet heavenly father when I'm just still and soaking up a moment.

Lets strive to depend on God to reflect him to our lost, broken and hurting world. They need his redeeming grace, his unconditional love and unhindered longing for relationship...who am I kidding we all need this daily. God is gracious enough to meet us daily where we are and encourage and mold us into who he is calling us to be.

Thank you for reading my thoughts...until we meet again. May God bless you and keep you, and be whatever you need him to be for you right now.

Healing and Calling instead of Bitterness

Hi everyone, unless something unheard of happens and I post again tomorrow this will be the last blog of 2013.well so much for plans...Here is my first blog of 2014. 2013 year was so full of blessings, challenges and all that makes a year full, birthdays, friendships, travels, new adventures...and even with all that has happened in this year its hard to believe its already came to a close.

I know for us as we look forward to the new year, we often talk, as most do, about goals and dreams for the new year. Looking for new adventures to plan, organizing to do, teaching, learning, birthdays...but first today as I glanced through facebook this morning a lot of my friends had very uplifting stories on their news feeds.

I've been blessed recently with lots of new friendships, friends that have helped me verbalize the things that I have dealt with in my past, that I just like to let just be. A friend and I have been talking lately about our pasts about how we have grown up and the things we learned or didn't learn about God growing up. Those things that we inadvertently learned from those around us.

As many of you that know me personally know I am a true introvert, I don't really like coming out of my shell until I'm comfortable with the situation or I can wrap my head around it. I've been blessed to be around other people who want to hear my story. I have often wondered why we went through the things we did in our early days of dating and marriage. (to be honest I still don't know however I know one day God will reveal to us the reason.) For now though as I look back on that fateful season of our lives that started about 7 years ago, it feels as though it was yesterday.

During this season of life I learned a lot about me and my relationship with God, in the midst of a very hurtful time for me and my family, I decided to focus the hurt and the uncertainty into searching and looking for answers from God about what my future would look like. This time period taught me a lot about the ways people deal with disappointment, hurt, anger, and letting go. What happened is a very long story and I'm very open to talking about it but I don't think the best thing would be to air it online.  There was a huge disagreement between me and someone very close to me about my future. We had two very different opinions on how it would look, and in the end I made the decision that made sense to me. I weighed the options, I looked at the positives and negatives, the hurt, anger the healing all that would stand on the other side of the ultimatum placed ahead of me.

However like most things you cant fully grasp the waves a jump will cause until you make that leap. When we jumped I had an indescribable peace, I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt I was doing was I was supposed to do and I stand by my decision. I have seen healing and calling in my life. I have seen God work in such mighty ways in the past 7 years, that words just don't paint a good enough picture. Our God is incredible, through it all.

......................................There is a flip side.........................................................

on the other side is anger and bitterness, these are the results of not letting go, of dwelling in the past. Living under bitterness is a weight I don't care to even imagine, let alone live under it. I know that it keeps you down, it draws a line in the sand and holds you there. Bitterness, Anger and Hate don't let you move forward they keep you in the midst of it. You surround yourself with only those who agree with you, and you cut off all the others.  In the midst of it though your right, and justified. It is toxic to your relationships.

The greatest part of this as sad and bleak as it looks there is always hope. Healing can always come, it is always darkest before the dawn. There is light.

The biggest difference between these two is a choice. That choice lies with you don't live in bitterness, anger and hate. Seek healing, hope and God. Let me tell you bitterness is the easier road, you don't have to deal with the stuff. Healing is worth the pain of dealing with the hurt caused by a situation. A situation that is brought upon by the brokenness of this world. Our pastor in Colorado would always say, "Don't get Bitter, Get Better." and always remember that, "Hurt people hurt people." These words spoke to me so deeply as I was working through the healing process and just moving forward with life.

I have the greatest hope for the future, I know that God has paved a way for me and my family and I've seen him work in such great and powerful ways. I know he has a plan for the steinshouer's and you know what he has a plan for you. Its never to late to leave bitterness behind and get better. God has great plans for each and everyone us. He created us in his own image and the greatest thing is he loves us fully and unconditionally. Did you catch that? I didn't for a while there is nothing that you can do that will make God love you any less!!!

I feel as though I'm rambling before I continue on forever :) because our God's love is that great...let us draw this to a close. We have all been hurt by those we care about the most, in that hurt choose healing. It is always worth it, at the end of bitterness comes healing and calling. Lets move forward and find our callings together.
When we lived in Colorado our pastor would always say don't get bitter get better.