There are several ways I'd describe myself, I love Jesus, I love my family and I love to cook. I'm passionate, I'm better at articulating words in writing than speaking and I really enjoy writing. I like having control or at least the illusion of it, I like surprises when I know what they are, I love sleep. I have the same lies that often play on repeat often times before I realize.
This girl...has carried these lies her whole life. You know the ones, we aren't good enough, we aren't pretty enough, our mistakes cost too much, our mistakes define us, our sin, our scarlet letters are who we are... I've been carrying around lies like this and a longing to measure up to gain approval, the approval I'm longing for I probably wont ever receive. No matter what I do right, no matter what I accomplish, it doesn't matter what my life will ever look like.
However, I was reminded this weekend at IF:Gathering that I don't have to carry this around anymore. I have the approval of my creator. I have been made new and those lies, that approval, that jar that I've been carrying striving to fill it and Jesus takes it. He looks me in the face, calls me by my name, calls me loved. He reminds me that no mistake costs too much, his grace is sufficient.
Life has been weird. God is doing something inside, He's moving in ways I don't understand. I can feel something big coming. There are big questions. I feel like more things are up than down. I feel like the things God is calling us towards are huge and beginning on them seems monumental. I have this quirk where when I face something huge I tend to freeze or run away. I want to hide.
I have this longing to simplify life, to get back to basics to meet with people in genuine settings, feed them love them and deep down in my soul I have a desire to just say Here I am... Even though I don't fully know what that looks like. I want to transform our home into a safe place for people to come where we can sit at the table and eat, and fellowship over dinner. I want to open our home for visitors more. I want to say No and not regret it. <-- can I say there aren't many times especially in this season that I have regretted saying no to obligations in this season of life and its freeing. I have this deep longing to just abide in Jesus, to let go, rest and GO. I want to obey in freedom, dwell in his peace and trust him.
So right now...I'm letting go and surrendering. As I pick it up I strive to lay it back down in the hands of my Father who knows me so well, who has gifted me with many talents, with a wonderful husband and two amazing boys and a BIG calling...
Praying forward...walking forward boldly (hesitantly) but abiding and trusting that He knows full well what lies ahead. Praying for you. That you would let go, that you will just dive into what God is calling you to do big or small, walk in obedience, its worth it. I challenge you to find that calling that thing that just lights a fire that keeps you up at night and give it your all. give 100 percent into it and God will supply.
