It's been 9 years since the day we said, "I Do". 9 crazy, amazing, beautiful, challenging, life bringing years. 16 days after we said our vows we moved from Missouri to Colorado. My hubs started a new job, I went to a new University in a place where we knew no one. For the first two weeks, we were broke and sick. It's amazing how many obstacles faced our marriage in the first 30 days. Looking back over the last 9 - 10 years that we have known each other God has prepared us for struggles, for tough times, and how to ride through them together.
As I sit and reflect over all the things that we have just lived through its hard to believe its only been 9 years. The beautiful thing... The thing that takes my breath away and humbles me to the core... There is SO MUCH more ahead. I mean going into year 10, we have our hearts broken for the children in India, we have 2 amazing young men that have hearts to make a difference, we have the best community around us that anyone could ask for.
I love having our anniversary so close to Christmas and New Years because of Christ we are New and each new year holds something that we cannot prepare for on our own. This is the time of year that we self evaluate, redirect, refocus. Its also a time we celebrate and look forward. Isn't that every day of marriage??
I'm so honored to be married to my hubs. Together we have walked a long ways, through some deep, hard stuff, things that have been buried deep. You know one the beautiful things about marriage?? One of my favorite things...it challenges us to change, to become better, to grow. I cannot tell you how grateful I am to have him as my partner in crime, the one who is going to get ankle deep in the water pouring out of our garage with, that will pull up our brand new carpet so it can air dry, the one who will forgive me, who cherishes me, who will go out and go before, who prays daily for us, seeks God on our behalf and also his so that he can be the best he can be. My heart is so full, life is messy, but the beauty that God is creating, the things he has in store from this year of getting comfortable being uncomfortable... WOW.
I'm speechless. I'm ready ... but I'm not ... I'm excited and so thankful that God is using us. Here's to one of my favorite days of the year!! The day I get to celebrate with the love of my life, this life that has been given to us.
Don't be afraid of what God is calling you to, he will equip you to do it. In every season, God goes before us and allows things to happen to prepare us for what is to come. The biggest challenge is letting that change happen. Being able to just rest and trust that what he is doing in our lives although painful, tough or amazing its all for His glory and to work all things together for our good.
Love wins.
1 Corinthians 13: 4 - 8a
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes and always preservers. Love Never Fails
Be encouraged. The greatest fruit of the Spirit is Love. Let Love win. my prayers with you until we meet again.
Monday, December 14, 2015
Wednesday, November 25, 2015
Waiting
What are you waiting on today? Have you been wearing out the floor by your bed pleading to God to answer that prayer for a break through in your finances? your marriage? healing in relationships? a job? a ministry that you have felt called to but it isn't going any were??
Merriam-Webester defines wait as:
1. to stay in place in expectation of
2. to delay serving (meal)
3. to serve as a waiter
1 a.to remain stationary in readiness or expectation
b.to pause for another to catch up
2 a. to look forward expectantly
b .to hold back expectantly
3. to serve at meals
4 a. to be ready and available
b. to remain temporarily neglected or unrealized.
Waiting...its one of those things we do daily. I don't handle waiting very well, most of us don't. When I'm waiting most of the time I feel most like 4b's definition. I wallow, panic, worry, doubt, question, wonder...pray, seek, read, talk to others....panic, worry...you know how it goes but most often I think when we are called to wait or we are in a season of waiting on God to perform those big things that only he can do is to remain stationary in readiness and expectation. to look forward expectantly, to be ready and available.
Instead of becoming bored, overwhelmed or even underwhelmed, stay focused look to God watching expectantly for what he has in store.
This year as been a year of getting comfortable being uncomfortable. We have been stretched in ways we didn't know we needed to be stretched, areas that needed stretching for a while, even those areas that just need to be refined a little more. One of those areas of course is waiting, you know those fruits of the spirit?! peace, patience, self control?! all roll up into how we are supposed to handle waiting. (HAHAHAHA right) well you know how when something needs to be refined God has a way of refining it to make us look more like him!! So needless to say in this season of getting comfortable...God is refining our waiting skills.
If we would have been able to control it there would be an orphanage built in India, all of the orphans would be sponsored. Little changes wouldn't throw us off, those unexpected things wouldn't come and everything would just work out, with as little stress as possible.
God loves us to be in a constant state of dependence on him. He wants us to long for time with him. A little over a month ago in Mid October a friend of mine and I sat down for coffee in my living room for a much needed chat. It began with the normal, kids, husbands, life, work, etc but eventually came around to a well prayed around part of both of our lives. Something we both lay before Jesus daily, the orphanage those 32 boys who desperately need a home. My husband who feels called to get it done. Lots of ideas...followed closely by a whole lot of closed doors...
Merriam-Webester defines wait as:
1. to stay in place in expectation of
2. to delay serving (meal)
3. to serve as a waiter
1 a.to remain stationary in readiness or expectation
b.to pause for another to catch up
2 a. to look forward expectantly
b .to hold back expectantly
3. to serve at meals
4 a. to be ready and available
b. to remain temporarily neglected or unrealized.
Waiting...its one of those things we do daily. I don't handle waiting very well, most of us don't. When I'm waiting most of the time I feel most like 4b's definition. I wallow, panic, worry, doubt, question, wonder...pray, seek, read, talk to others....panic, worry...you know how it goes but most often I think when we are called to wait or we are in a season of waiting on God to perform those big things that only he can do is to remain stationary in readiness and expectation. to look forward expectantly, to be ready and available.
Instead of becoming bored, overwhelmed or even underwhelmed, stay focused look to God watching expectantly for what he has in store.
This year as been a year of getting comfortable being uncomfortable. We have been stretched in ways we didn't know we needed to be stretched, areas that needed stretching for a while, even those areas that just need to be refined a little more. One of those areas of course is waiting, you know those fruits of the spirit?! peace, patience, self control?! all roll up into how we are supposed to handle waiting. (HAHAHAHA right) well you know how when something needs to be refined God has a way of refining it to make us look more like him!! So needless to say in this season of getting comfortable...God is refining our waiting skills.
If we would have been able to control it there would be an orphanage built in India, all of the orphans would be sponsored. Little changes wouldn't throw us off, those unexpected things wouldn't come and everything would just work out, with as little stress as possible.
God loves us to be in a constant state of dependence on him. He wants us to long for time with him. A little over a month ago in Mid October a friend of mine and I sat down for coffee in my living room for a much needed chat. It began with the normal, kids, husbands, life, work, etc but eventually came around to a well prayed around part of both of our lives. Something we both lay before Jesus daily, the orphanage those 32 boys who desperately need a home. My husband who feels called to get it done. Lots of ideas...followed closely by a whole lot of closed doors...
until
God shows up and says now
The venue was available
The ideas came together
The team formed
The date was selected
November 21...
The kicker?? its October 21. 30 days to plan...prepare and make this thing happen. What an incredible, wild, crazy, adventure filled, drawing our team of 4 out of our comfort zones into the midst of something simply perfect. God showed up and showed off in such a great and powerful way and allowed us to pull it off. Our goal for the fundraiser was 5,000 and we thought that was high...you wanna know how God showed up and showed off?? as of right now because of this fundraiser we have over $15,000 towards the orphanage!!!
We have been trying so hard to accomplish a fraction of this for over a year...but God had something else. He had a bigger plan in his timing. It is all coming together. We aren't sure how its going to look but wow are we excited and ready.
So be encouraged. He is working. He hears your prayers, counts your tears...He's preparing the way. It will all come together. If it all seems hopeless and up in the air, grab coffee with a friend, seek him together because that helps, community helps you see the light when the darkness hides it and the lies confuse. Stay focused it will all come together in time. Hold fast to his promises...He is always true to his word.
Sunday, November 8, 2015
Divine Interruptions
Life can be crazy, busy, loaded with to-do lists, as the year winds down and holidays are in full swing. Throw in planning a fundraiser, talking to the mayor and holiday travels and life gets a bit more complicated. You plan moments and minutes trying to fit in every single conversation you possibly can with potential donors. Praying that God goes before and guides your way so the little bit of time you have to devote isn't wasted.
In the midst of yesterday and our to-do list...our day didn't go as planned. we didn't make it to one place to share our hearts and passion about building an orphanage and getting the funds to begin phase 1 by the end of the year. I wasn't ready for a busy day, a day full of running and talking and entertaining little people. Yesterday ended with sweet conversations about what Jesus is doing in the lives of women in Arlington, Tx. How God is moving, building, changing, molding, calling, burdening. We didn't accomplish much yesterday, but we listened to God. We allowed him to slow us down and interrupt our plans and for one moment this week we allowed him to place us in the right place at the right time.
We miss these moments a lot because we don't sit still long enough to listen to the gentle nudging's of the Holy Spirit. The things we are doing are good things and they are things that God has called us to do. However, in these things he has called us to he wants us to rely on him. God puts us in situations so he can show up and show off. He give us challenges so that we remember we need him.
All the opportunities we thought we "missed" yesterday God replaced in bigger better ways today. You know I'm not sure how this fundraiser is going to turn out or how we are going to raise the $50,000 for phase 1, but I know God knows, God has a plan, God is going before us.
There is a barn in Arlington that is going to be a meeting ground for lots of people to come together to love on some orphans across the world, to let them know that not only do some crazy Americans who love Jesus love them but more importantly that God loves them and that God can do all things.
Allow him to interrupt you, to switch the plans, he's got time in his hands and will always go before you. Pave the way and make a difference, trust that, abide there. In that crazy reality that is full dependence on the savior of our hearts. He has it all.
In the midst of yesterday and our to-do list...our day didn't go as planned. we didn't make it to one place to share our hearts and passion about building an orphanage and getting the funds to begin phase 1 by the end of the year. I wasn't ready for a busy day, a day full of running and talking and entertaining little people. Yesterday ended with sweet conversations about what Jesus is doing in the lives of women in Arlington, Tx. How God is moving, building, changing, molding, calling, burdening. We didn't accomplish much yesterday, but we listened to God. We allowed him to slow us down and interrupt our plans and for one moment this week we allowed him to place us in the right place at the right time.
We miss these moments a lot because we don't sit still long enough to listen to the gentle nudging's of the Holy Spirit. The things we are doing are good things and they are things that God has called us to do. However, in these things he has called us to he wants us to rely on him. God puts us in situations so he can show up and show off. He give us challenges so that we remember we need him.
All the opportunities we thought we "missed" yesterday God replaced in bigger better ways today. You know I'm not sure how this fundraiser is going to turn out or how we are going to raise the $50,000 for phase 1, but I know God knows, God has a plan, God is going before us.
There is a barn in Arlington that is going to be a meeting ground for lots of people to come together to love on some orphans across the world, to let them know that not only do some crazy Americans who love Jesus love them but more importantly that God loves them and that God can do all things.
Allow him to interrupt you, to switch the plans, he's got time in his hands and will always go before you. Pave the way and make a difference, trust that, abide there. In that crazy reality that is full dependence on the savior of our hearts. He has it all.
Wednesday, November 4, 2015
Love
1 Corinthians 13: 1-8
Love is Indispensable
If I speak in the tongues of men or angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess too the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.
Love is Patient, Love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered,
it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with truth.
It always protects, always trusts,
always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease;
where there are tongues, they will be stilled;
As I was talking to my hubs this morning before he went to work. We were talking about love and how we love our boys, how the love for our boys seems to overshadow most of their faults, the mistakes, the things they do that drive us bonkers. The love we have for them overshadows their faults. Love allows us to see their best parts. Love allows us to keep no record of their wrongs, it rejoices when they are honest and it helps us mold them into the men God is calling them to be.
Life at our house is surround by being molded and shaped we are in a season of going through the fire while God mold us and shapes us to be more like him and its hard. Its so hard. Some days in the midst of the refiners fire my anxiety flares up and I feel like I'm drowning, I feel like God is refining every flaw in me and growing us in every area possible and I don't know if I can take much more. The truth is I cant I was done with this whole process months ago, but God isn't through he loves us too much to let us stay as we are...thankful but man its painful. So thankful he loves us enough to change us.
As we were talking about how love allows us to keep no record of wrongs and allows us to look past each others flaws and mistakes. It hit me like a ton of bricks. If I can love my boys, my husband, my parents, friends, acquaintances enough to let love and let the Holy Spirit cultivate that love enough so that it is a 1 Corinthians 13 Love for them how come...I don't hold myself to that standard? If I can forgive others and let it go...I mean completely let it go...sometimes it takes longer than others, but that's healing. Why cant I let myself off the hook? Why don't I love myself enough to forget the past mistakes I've made? the things I've done wrong? because we have all sinned, even though we are saved from sin, we still sin, its going to happen. Why don't I extend that same grace and love to myself?
That's as far as I got, I guess even though we are being refined, changed and molded, there are still so many facets where I need to grow. But I just wanted to challenge you and me to truly love ourselves like we do others. We owe that to ourselves. We aren't our past mistakes, screw ups or choices. We are conquerors and co-heirs with Christ, fully loved and forgiven. Jesus has forgotten. We are no longer slaves to our old ways, so Satan can't use that against us any more!! Stand Strong and tell Satan to take it elsewhere we are moving forward with heads held high with God all around us and empowering us.
Blessings to all until we meet again.
Life at our house is surround by being molded and shaped we are in a season of going through the fire while God mold us and shapes us to be more like him and its hard. Its so hard. Some days in the midst of the refiners fire my anxiety flares up and I feel like I'm drowning, I feel like God is refining every flaw in me and growing us in every area possible and I don't know if I can take much more. The truth is I cant I was done with this whole process months ago, but God isn't through he loves us too much to let us stay as we are...thankful but man its painful. So thankful he loves us enough to change us.
As we were talking about how love allows us to keep no record of wrongs and allows us to look past each others flaws and mistakes. It hit me like a ton of bricks. If I can love my boys, my husband, my parents, friends, acquaintances enough to let love and let the Holy Spirit cultivate that love enough so that it is a 1 Corinthians 13 Love for them how come...I don't hold myself to that standard? If I can forgive others and let it go...I mean completely let it go...sometimes it takes longer than others, but that's healing. Why cant I let myself off the hook? Why don't I love myself enough to forget the past mistakes I've made? the things I've done wrong? because we have all sinned, even though we are saved from sin, we still sin, its going to happen. Why don't I extend that same grace and love to myself?
That's as far as I got, I guess even though we are being refined, changed and molded, there are still so many facets where I need to grow. But I just wanted to challenge you and me to truly love ourselves like we do others. We owe that to ourselves. We aren't our past mistakes, screw ups or choices. We are conquerors and co-heirs with Christ, fully loved and forgiven. Jesus has forgotten. We are no longer slaves to our old ways, so Satan can't use that against us any more!! Stand Strong and tell Satan to take it elsewhere we are moving forward with heads held high with God all around us and empowering us.
Blessings to all until we meet again.
Thursday, October 29, 2015
Memories
you know Facebook likes to remind you of the memories from years past on the same day. Today as bible study was starting I jumped on Facebook to check out some notifications, when I noticed a memory reminder from two years ago, when our sweet C was under 2 and LOVED to get into things...the only thing that has changed from that picture is C's size, its amazing how much that sweet, tenacious little man can get into very quickly.
As I clicked below to see more memories from today in years past there was the post I wrote last year about my sweet hubs getting home from India. Words can barely describe how much that trip has impacted our lives and I have a good feeling that, the decision we made to follow that nudging and send him will be interwoven in the rest of our lives. God rocked our worlds and has continued to stretch us and grow us because of this trip. He called us out and into
Can I be brutally honest here and say that I fully expected that trip to be a one time thing, but today one year ago at dinner time God took my comfortable bubble and popped it. He called us to something so much more beautiful and life changing than I would have ever thought of, imagined or dreamed of. In some ways I feel like we have done a lifetime of growing in the last year, and yet I know we have so much to learn and so many places to grow.
Today in Bible study we talked about two churches in Revelation, church of Philadelphia and the church of Laodicea. Its amazing how different the letters are to these two churches. Philadelphia was praised because of their faith, their patient endurance during some very difficult times. Jesus, encouraged them, lifted them up, promised protection during the trial, and reassured them about his coming. Laodicea on the other hand were self sufficient, pitiful, wretched, apathetic, half hearted and blind. Jesus had no praise or affirmation for them, He wanted them to realize that they needed Jesus and that Jesus wanted them to be all in and pursue him. To let him deal with their sin,
repent and fall back in love with him.
I feel like the church at Philadelphia today, I'm tired, I feel like all the things God has on our plate are about to fall off and break into a million pieces. I know they wont but nonetheless when exhaustion sets in on this momma's anxiety tends to wreak havoc. This morning I woke up thinking about this blog that I started yesterday. The struggles of yesterday still very present and when the hubs got to work those troubles seemed to quadruple. It hit me...how fragile everything we have in life is, how fast everything can change, and just how quickly this comfort can leave. As me and C were walking home from taking J to school. It hit me. Why the church of Laodicea lost sight of Jesus. How much easier is it to rely on yourself? Especially when things are going your way. How much opposition do you face when you are going with the stream instead of against it? But how much less rewarding is it? how much impact will you have on others? will you ever make a difference? If things do crumble where do you have hope? Yes, its tempting to rely on yourself, on what you can do. However, I tend to drop the ball, mess things up, I'm not sure that on my best day I could ever be a fraction as successful as the Laodiceans were. Even if I was, I wouldn't want to give up the hope, the love, the peace. Life is crazy, messy, beautiful and rewarding. We have something much bigger than us to live for. Purpose. You can't buy purpose, meaning. I choose that, in all that entails. I know God has some BIG things in store for us and he is working on things.
Whatever life looks like, when all hope seems lost, when those things you were counting on staying the same change. Remember where your constant source is, remember who sustained you before. That foundation is unshakeable and worth building life on. Praying for you where you are, that you can see the hope and the value of pressing in, and abiding in Jesus, the one thing that will never fail and never change, who will love us and guide us everyday. Keep seeking him, keep praying, keep hoping, find others to pray with you. Breakthrough is coming, that answer is coming! You got this because God's got you!
As I clicked below to see more memories from today in years past there was the post I wrote last year about my sweet hubs getting home from India. Words can barely describe how much that trip has impacted our lives and I have a good feeling that, the decision we made to follow that nudging and send him will be interwoven in the rest of our lives. God rocked our worlds and has continued to stretch us and grow us because of this trip. He called us out and into
Can I be brutally honest here and say that I fully expected that trip to be a one time thing, but today one year ago at dinner time God took my comfortable bubble and popped it. He called us to something so much more beautiful and life changing than I would have ever thought of, imagined or dreamed of. In some ways I feel like we have done a lifetime of growing in the last year, and yet I know we have so much to learn and so many places to grow.
Today in Bible study we talked about two churches in Revelation, church of Philadelphia and the church of Laodicea. Its amazing how different the letters are to these two churches. Philadelphia was praised because of their faith, their patient endurance during some very difficult times. Jesus, encouraged them, lifted them up, promised protection during the trial, and reassured them about his coming. Laodicea on the other hand were self sufficient, pitiful, wretched, apathetic, half hearted and blind. Jesus had no praise or affirmation for them, He wanted them to realize that they needed Jesus and that Jesus wanted them to be all in and pursue him. To let him deal with their sin,
repent and fall back in love with him.
I feel like the church at Philadelphia today, I'm tired, I feel like all the things God has on our plate are about to fall off and break into a million pieces. I know they wont but nonetheless when exhaustion sets in on this momma's anxiety tends to wreak havoc. This morning I woke up thinking about this blog that I started yesterday. The struggles of yesterday still very present and when the hubs got to work those troubles seemed to quadruple. It hit me...how fragile everything we have in life is, how fast everything can change, and just how quickly this comfort can leave. As me and C were walking home from taking J to school. It hit me. Why the church of Laodicea lost sight of Jesus. How much easier is it to rely on yourself? Especially when things are going your way. How much opposition do you face when you are going with the stream instead of against it? But how much less rewarding is it? how much impact will you have on others? will you ever make a difference? If things do crumble where do you have hope? Yes, its tempting to rely on yourself, on what you can do. However, I tend to drop the ball, mess things up, I'm not sure that on my best day I could ever be a fraction as successful as the Laodiceans were. Even if I was, I wouldn't want to give up the hope, the love, the peace. Life is crazy, messy, beautiful and rewarding. We have something much bigger than us to live for. Purpose. You can't buy purpose, meaning. I choose that, in all that entails. I know God has some BIG things in store for us and he is working on things.
Whatever life looks like, when all hope seems lost, when those things you were counting on staying the same change. Remember where your constant source is, remember who sustained you before. That foundation is unshakeable and worth building life on. Praying for you where you are, that you can see the hope and the value of pressing in, and abiding in Jesus, the one thing that will never fail and never change, who will love us and guide us everyday. Keep seeking him, keep praying, keep hoping, find others to pray with you. Breakthrough is coming, that answer is coming! You got this because God's got you!
Wednesday, October 21, 2015
Ignorance
Last Friday night we had a great night of fellowship, testimony, cookies, and music. I love hearing other women's stories of how God comes in and shows off, how he places things in our lives to point us towards the things he wants us to pursue. He allows us to go down different paths, he opens and closes doors. Often during that time we are wandering around wondering what God is up to and how he is working and what it is going to look like when he is done.
While its chaos in the midst to us, it is such a beautiful thing. Several years ago when we were living in Colorado we had an organization come to our church that helped young girls who were being sold into slavery. Today in 2015 slavery is alive and well, it doesn't matter your race, age, economic status, it can happen to anyone any where, and right down the road.
I have a friend who works with Rescue Houston, they call these young girls who are being used for what their bodies can offer, they have no hope, they have no reason to hope yet, the goal of this organization is to give them hope. The thing is, this problem isn't just happening in India, Africa, its happening right across town, to people your children or grand children are going to school with. I say this because it was such a Face Palm moment for me. one of those ANGELA you need to wake up and realize you don't just live in Mayberry any more where the worst thing that happens is running into someone's mailbox, or your friends smoking weed in the corn field down the road, or a big party down by the lake where everyone may or may not be drinking.
I got home and told my hubs about this startling statistics, you know the ones that stick with you, unless your a sleep deprived mom, the numbers tend to leave your brain but you know there are sweet young girls out there who desperately need our help. A few days later we were talking with a few other people, these statistics that were very fresh on his brain came out, because it is a truth and a reality we need to share, which had the same affect on them as it did me. Except that one of their reactions wasn't action, it was the desire to shy away, to plead ignorance. I'm sorry but we cannot take a stand on abortion, gay marriage, alcohol, drugs, shootings, and bury our heads in the sand when thousands of young girls, in desperate situations are finding themselves being sold, because they are young girls?!?!
I don't want to know these things happen, but I NEED to know they happen, God calls us to seek and love the lost, the hurting, those who are desperate to find the hope we have in Jesus. I need to know that there are organizations out there seeking to help these young ladies, that I can support. I need to know about it so I can pray for them, so I can listen to that sweet movement of the Holy Spirit to act. If I deny that it exists I'm not only hurting myself and the little people entrusted to me, I'm hurting those that need Jesus the most.
While its chaos in the midst to us, it is such a beautiful thing. Several years ago when we were living in Colorado we had an organization come to our church that helped young girls who were being sold into slavery. Today in 2015 slavery is alive and well, it doesn't matter your race, age, economic status, it can happen to anyone any where, and right down the road.
I have a friend who works with Rescue Houston, they call these young girls who are being used for what their bodies can offer, they have no hope, they have no reason to hope yet, the goal of this organization is to give them hope. The thing is, this problem isn't just happening in India, Africa, its happening right across town, to people your children or grand children are going to school with. I say this because it was such a Face Palm moment for me. one of those ANGELA you need to wake up and realize you don't just live in Mayberry any more where the worst thing that happens is running into someone's mailbox, or your friends smoking weed in the corn field down the road, or a big party down by the lake where everyone may or may not be drinking.
I got home and told my hubs about this startling statistics, you know the ones that stick with you, unless your a sleep deprived mom, the numbers tend to leave your brain but you know there are sweet young girls out there who desperately need our help. A few days later we were talking with a few other people, these statistics that were very fresh on his brain came out, because it is a truth and a reality we need to share, which had the same affect on them as it did me. Except that one of their reactions wasn't action, it was the desire to shy away, to plead ignorance. I'm sorry but we cannot take a stand on abortion, gay marriage, alcohol, drugs, shootings, and bury our heads in the sand when thousands of young girls, in desperate situations are finding themselves being sold, because they are young girls?!?!
I don't want to know these things happen, but I NEED to know they happen, God calls us to seek and love the lost, the hurting, those who are desperate to find the hope we have in Jesus. I need to know that there are organizations out there seeking to help these young ladies, that I can support. I need to know about it so I can pray for them, so I can listen to that sweet movement of the Holy Spirit to act. If I deny that it exists I'm not only hurting myself and the little people entrusted to me, I'm hurting those that need Jesus the most.
Wednesday, October 14, 2015
truth + anxiety and the things lost in the midst
its been way too long since I've written and I can blame it on a lot of things like being way to busy in the midst of ever changing seasons, too much stuff going on, writers block, business stuff, family stuff the truth is it's a little bit of all of it. Life feels bigger than it should be right now. We are in this weird season of life where more things seem unknown and uncertain that known and certain. There is a lot of patient, prayerful waiting and a whole lot more impatient waiting. That season where you aren't sure wether you are over or under committed to too many good things and where that ever changing line of enough and too much.
Over the past few months I've sat down several times to write to only get half way through and have no where else to go...the words just aren't there and they aren't right. I mean after all hindsight is 20/20 and we are still in the thick of it...and that's ok...you see I don't have to understand it, to grasp it, to wrap this brain of mine around it, I just need to let it go, to let God and just be held. Let me tell you it's so hard. This year has been dubbed our year of getting comfortable being uncomfortable and just when I think we are about as uncomfortable as we can be something else comes and blows my perspective off center.
Embracing this change and the things that God is laying before us is difficult, rewarding, sweet, uncertain, and oh so worth it. Sometimes in the midst of anxiety I get lost I feel as though I'm suffocating and spinning out of control. There are moments of clarity and today, day two of too much anxiety and way past over the feeling...clarity. These times when the anxiety seems to be at its highest is nearest to the areas that can be strongholds. Family for me is a place where the enemy can send me veering off course for miles on end before I can even grasp where I'm going. God's working on that, but is requiring me to let go of it all. It's requiring me to change my hope, my focus, to turn my eyes off of this gaping wound that is still there despite the efforts of healing, and onto my savior. It's in these moments of clarity that I see that there is always a reason God places things in your life. There are two things that help me worship my savior, baking and music...my songs during this season of life that pour life into my soul? Oceans, Just Be Held, Touch the Sky and Holy Spirit...every one of them...surrender, laying it down, laying it all out there, and dwelling there in the arms of my Father, the Holy Spirit and my Savior.
I don't have a clue what the rest of this season looks like but I know God's got it, just praying our way through it and keeping our eyes on him. The question today in BSF that spoke right into the middle of this struggle was this... What is your attitude when your comfort is compromised? Praying that we endure the seasons God has called us to even when we would rather escape. He has some big things and small things coming together lets press into him in the midst of the discomfort and uncertainty.
Over the past few months I've sat down several times to write to only get half way through and have no where else to go...the words just aren't there and they aren't right. I mean after all hindsight is 20/20 and we are still in the thick of it...and that's ok...you see I don't have to understand it, to grasp it, to wrap this brain of mine around it, I just need to let it go, to let God and just be held. Let me tell you it's so hard. This year has been dubbed our year of getting comfortable being uncomfortable and just when I think we are about as uncomfortable as we can be something else comes and blows my perspective off center.
Embracing this change and the things that God is laying before us is difficult, rewarding, sweet, uncertain, and oh so worth it. Sometimes in the midst of anxiety I get lost I feel as though I'm suffocating and spinning out of control. There are moments of clarity and today, day two of too much anxiety and way past over the feeling...clarity. These times when the anxiety seems to be at its highest is nearest to the areas that can be strongholds. Family for me is a place where the enemy can send me veering off course for miles on end before I can even grasp where I'm going. God's working on that, but is requiring me to let go of it all. It's requiring me to change my hope, my focus, to turn my eyes off of this gaping wound that is still there despite the efforts of healing, and onto my savior. It's in these moments of clarity that I see that there is always a reason God places things in your life. There are two things that help me worship my savior, baking and music...my songs during this season of life that pour life into my soul? Oceans, Just Be Held, Touch the Sky and Holy Spirit...every one of them...surrender, laying it down, laying it all out there, and dwelling there in the arms of my Father, the Holy Spirit and my Savior.
I don't have a clue what the rest of this season looks like but I know God's got it, just praying our way through it and keeping our eyes on him. The question today in BSF that spoke right into the middle of this struggle was this... What is your attitude when your comfort is compromised? Praying that we endure the seasons God has called us to even when we would rather escape. He has some big things and small things coming together lets press into him in the midst of the discomfort and uncertainty.
Thursday, August 20, 2015
seasons and change
Today the high was in the 80's with a cool breeze out of the north, and off and on showers. some of my favorite weather. Tomorrow when its back in the upper 90's I will be longing for fall to come that much quicker. While I love playing in our pool with our boys and getting an amazing tan, fall and winter does something for this Texas girl who fell in LOVE with Colorado. I've always loved the cooler weather and that is never a guarantee here in Texas but days like these leave this girl feeling refreshed.
Summer months are wild and crazy around, here especially since the hubs works in construction, this summer marks other big changes. Today we go meet our little man's Kindergarten teacher. Hard to believe we are 4 days from being parents of a school aged child. He's going to rock it. I'm excited to see how he blossoms and grows, this next year.
In seasons of change, challenge, trials...I feel exposed, vulnerable, like the next person that bumps into me may just cause me to break into a thousand pieces or at least all the things I feel like I need to hold together will come crashing down all around me. (wow I give myself a lot of credit and stress) You see, along with summer, challenge, change, and trials comes opportunities to make awesome choices or not so great ones. Depending on the day really depends on my decisions, most things I figure I can carry with God, we got this. While this is obviously true...God has placed someone else in my life that's right there to help, to carry that load, and if you know my husband you know he carries a lot as well. However, we weren't meant to carry it alone, in our marriage, we are meant to carry it together, lay it at the throne of God and cover it in prayer. Pray circles around it, believe and repeat.
This fall holds a lot of unknowns for our family and I can feel myself carrying that unknown...but last night when we laid it all out there about that thing that (I) tend to carry by myself because I think I can fix it...and am scared of disappointing him...because this area is an area I've struggled most of my life but God has brought me so far. It really is miraculous. I'm such a solver ya'll. I'll wear myself out bearing that burden, halfway laying it down at Gods throne only to pick it back up.
My hubs is such a gracious and compassionate, loving man. Who loves me right where I'm at and without him and God I would have never gotten to where we are now. He read a book and went to a conference several years back and they talked about being velvet and steel. Last night despite my fears, he just loved...he accepted and he joined with me. You know the circumstances don't look much different today, but they "feel" different today. I'm grateful that he walks alongside me and that he helps me grow to become a better me and knows that even though it was a step back that means we are making progress forward.
God is so big and he's working in great and mighty ways. I feel like we are on the cusp of something really big. The struggle is real, but so is the peace that surpasses all understanding, with a Father who is able to do immeasurably more than we ask and imagine.
Wherever you are, whatever you face, that thing that your carrying, that thing your afraid to let go of, and that your scared to share with those that are closest to you. Don't believe the enemies lies, they wont love you any less, they aren't going to hate you and they are going to join alongside you so you can move forward together.
James 1:2-8 MSG
Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don't try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, no deficient in any way.
If you don't know what you're doing, pray to the Father. He loves to help. You'll get his help, and wont be condescended to when you ask for it. Ask boldly, believingly, without a second thought. People who "worry their prayers" are like wind-whipped waves. Don't think you're going to get anything from the Master that way, adrift at sea, keeping all your options open.
Friday, August 14, 2015
Dependence
Starting from the first few days of our lives we are working to be in a state of independence, fully self sufficient...some of it is spurred on by parents, a lot of it is kid driven I mean from the time they are born they are working towards trying to do things without the help of their parents. Holding their bottle on their own, to getting around without being carried, getting food on their own, feeding themselves...every new skill is met with excitement for all. Then one day you turn around and even though they still need you to cook the raw food they can fully function on snacks within reach without your assistance.
My whole life my parents worked to make sure I was independent, to grow up get an education, get a job, save money and be self sufficient, so that when I got married I wouldn't be dependent on any man. (I don't have anything against this view...just letting you know where I'm coming from) Needless to say my story did not end that way or shall I say start?!
My struggle today...being fully reliant, and dependent on Jesus, the Holy Spirit, The lover of my soul and the one who promises to take care of me fully. He wants us to lean into him, fully rely on him for everything. My peace, my abundance, my empty space, my loneliness, my unanswered prayers, my waiting, my longing, my deepest desires. He wants me to dwell there, he wants me to trust that he has it all together, he has a plan, he has my heart, my life and my all.
I know that it is important to have some independence in this world, but when it comes to God I want my boys to know that full relying on him, will help them achieve their goals, dreams and deepest desires.
As many of you know there are thirteen boys that are always heavy on our hearts and minds, they need a home, they need sponsers, they need someone to love them. The great thing?! the great provider Loves them more than we can fathom and he has them in his hands, he loves them, dearly and Hes working all things together to provide for them...but where I'm sitting I cant see how or where he is working. we are trying to see, but we can so for now we knell before the father and lay them along with all our burdens at his feet and trust that he can carry them and handle them better than we can.
we have a friend who is coming in town from india, last weekend I felt like I needed to get in touch with a friend and fellow blogger who loves Jesus, and like I tend to do I procrastinated...and I couldn't find the words...then on sunday she contacts me about writing about our story. Our India story. She captured it so perfectly.
I love how God intersects paths, just when circumstances seem bleek, overwhelming, he steps in an shows how big he is and how he has it abundantly handled.
I got her newsletter at the perfect time today...reminded me of where we need to focus no matter what our eyes may see or our hearts may fear.
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7
oh and you should definitely check out Jackie Hooks and Pruning Hooks...Jesus is Big Ya'll
My whole life my parents worked to make sure I was independent, to grow up get an education, get a job, save money and be self sufficient, so that when I got married I wouldn't be dependent on any man. (I don't have anything against this view...just letting you know where I'm coming from) Needless to say my story did not end that way or shall I say start?!
My struggle today...being fully reliant, and dependent on Jesus, the Holy Spirit, The lover of my soul and the one who promises to take care of me fully. He wants us to lean into him, fully rely on him for everything. My peace, my abundance, my empty space, my loneliness, my unanswered prayers, my waiting, my longing, my deepest desires. He wants me to dwell there, he wants me to trust that he has it all together, he has a plan, he has my heart, my life and my all.
I know that it is important to have some independence in this world, but when it comes to God I want my boys to know that full relying on him, will help them achieve their goals, dreams and deepest desires.
As many of you know there are thirteen boys that are always heavy on our hearts and minds, they need a home, they need sponsers, they need someone to love them. The great thing?! the great provider Loves them more than we can fathom and he has them in his hands, he loves them, dearly and Hes working all things together to provide for them...but where I'm sitting I cant see how or where he is working. we are trying to see, but we can so for now we knell before the father and lay them along with all our burdens at his feet and trust that he can carry them and handle them better than we can.
we have a friend who is coming in town from india, last weekend I felt like I needed to get in touch with a friend and fellow blogger who loves Jesus, and like I tend to do I procrastinated...and I couldn't find the words...then on sunday she contacts me about writing about our story. Our India story. She captured it so perfectly.
I love how God intersects paths, just when circumstances seem bleek, overwhelming, he steps in an shows how big he is and how he has it abundantly handled.
I got her newsletter at the perfect time today...reminded me of where we need to focus no matter what our eyes may see or our hearts may fear.
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7
oh and you should definitely check out Jackie Hooks and Pruning Hooks...Jesus is Big Ya'll
Friday, July 24, 2015
Provision
the act or process of supplying or providing something; something that is done in advance to prepare for something else. the act or process of providing, the fact or state of being prepared,
as many of you know this year God is teaching us to get comfortable being uncomfortable...man has it been a ride, so many changes, challenges that seem to come out of left field trying to balance it while still trying to continually lay down these, mountains of anxiety, worry, doubt, at his feet and leave them there for longer than a millisecond...because that's the best place for them. He can do more with it there than I could ever imagine.
I have this tendency to stock up, to supply things for myself that when things get crazy I can "provide" whatever it is that I need, which gives me no incentive to lean on or call on my savior. While he wants us to be independent in some aspects, God wants us to be fully dependent on him, for all things. ALL things?! I'm not good at that. I like control, I like plans.
I used to be able to roll with things...we would go on an adventure with a bag of clothes and no reservation to stop and find a place once we got there, not any more this mama has to have a plan, a detailed one at that. I like to be overly prepared to know, what's coming next, where we will be in the next week, I like to know how its going to work out, who is going to be there, when they will get there, that to me is comfortable.
I have two boys who live life wide open, there isn't much in our lives planned out...life right now is just free, unplanned, space for them to be boys growing into little men. That's about to change, our oldest is entering kindergarten 30 days from today...I'm not ready at all its hard to believe he isn't a baby any more let alone big enough to be going to kindergarten.
Anyhow...
Since becoming a mom that free spirit, has been more weighed down, I'm glad to hear people still see me as someone who just rolls with things, because I really strive too. It takes a whole lot of Jesus, but he gets it done in big ways.
So over the past few weeks this word provision has been bouncing in my head, so I've prayed for that, for how God will provide, needs, whether its spiritual, emotional, physical that he will be our provision, nothing else. That we will look to him to fulfill us, that's all he wants.
I was blown away by how much faith our friends in India have for God to provide everything they need, the more time I spend with God I realize that the more I lean in and strive to abide in Jesus, the easier it is to trust that he will be our provision in everything. That he will not only hear us but he will answer us in the best way possible, and he will provide for us abundantly.
God has such big plans for us, all of us, He is calling us deeper, to be filled, to be overwhelmed by him and when life feels too big and we feel like we are drowning in it all to fall to our knees or to our faces and lay it all down, He wants us to let him know that we trust his provision, his help, him alone.
What a year...its only July. I'm humbled to know that God is working on this heart, in our family making us to be more like him, calling us to go deeper and seek after him diligently...its not perfect, its messy, beautiful chaos, praying he continues to guide us, lead us, draw us deeper and closer.
Psalm 144: 13-15
Our barns will be filled with every kind of provision. Our sheep will increase by thousands, by tens of thousands in our fields; our oxen will draw heavy loads. There will be no breaching of walls, no going into captivity, no cry of distress in our streets. Blessed is the people whom this is true; blessed is the people whose God is the Lord.
Psalm 132: 13-16
For the Lord has chosen Zion, he has desired it for his dwelling, saying, "This is my resting place for ever and ever; here I will sit enthroned, for I have desired it. I will bless her with abundant provisions; her poor I will satisfy with food. I will clothe her priests with salvation, and her faithful people will ever sing for joy.
I leave you with this prayer! For all of us...because God is able to do immeasurably more than we can ever ask or imagine. Keep seeking him.
Ephesians 3:14 - 21
For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord's holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge--that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations for ever and ever! Amen.
as many of you know this year God is teaching us to get comfortable being uncomfortable...man has it been a ride, so many changes, challenges that seem to come out of left field trying to balance it while still trying to continually lay down these, mountains of anxiety, worry, doubt, at his feet and leave them there for longer than a millisecond...because that's the best place for them. He can do more with it there than I could ever imagine.
I have this tendency to stock up, to supply things for myself that when things get crazy I can "provide" whatever it is that I need, which gives me no incentive to lean on or call on my savior. While he wants us to be independent in some aspects, God wants us to be fully dependent on him, for all things. ALL things?! I'm not good at that. I like control, I like plans.
I used to be able to roll with things...we would go on an adventure with a bag of clothes and no reservation to stop and find a place once we got there, not any more this mama has to have a plan, a detailed one at that. I like to be overly prepared to know, what's coming next, where we will be in the next week, I like to know how its going to work out, who is going to be there, when they will get there, that to me is comfortable.
I have two boys who live life wide open, there isn't much in our lives planned out...life right now is just free, unplanned, space for them to be boys growing into little men. That's about to change, our oldest is entering kindergarten 30 days from today...I'm not ready at all its hard to believe he isn't a baby any more let alone big enough to be going to kindergarten.
Anyhow...
Since becoming a mom that free spirit, has been more weighed down, I'm glad to hear people still see me as someone who just rolls with things, because I really strive too. It takes a whole lot of Jesus, but he gets it done in big ways.
So over the past few weeks this word provision has been bouncing in my head, so I've prayed for that, for how God will provide, needs, whether its spiritual, emotional, physical that he will be our provision, nothing else. That we will look to him to fulfill us, that's all he wants.
I was blown away by how much faith our friends in India have for God to provide everything they need, the more time I spend with God I realize that the more I lean in and strive to abide in Jesus, the easier it is to trust that he will be our provision in everything. That he will not only hear us but he will answer us in the best way possible, and he will provide for us abundantly.
God has such big plans for us, all of us, He is calling us deeper, to be filled, to be overwhelmed by him and when life feels too big and we feel like we are drowning in it all to fall to our knees or to our faces and lay it all down, He wants us to let him know that we trust his provision, his help, him alone.
What a year...its only July. I'm humbled to know that God is working on this heart, in our family making us to be more like him, calling us to go deeper and seek after him diligently...its not perfect, its messy, beautiful chaos, praying he continues to guide us, lead us, draw us deeper and closer.
Psalm 144: 13-15
Our barns will be filled with every kind of provision. Our sheep will increase by thousands, by tens of thousands in our fields; our oxen will draw heavy loads. There will be no breaching of walls, no going into captivity, no cry of distress in our streets. Blessed is the people whom this is true; blessed is the people whose God is the Lord.
Psalm 132: 13-16
For the Lord has chosen Zion, he has desired it for his dwelling, saying, "This is my resting place for ever and ever; here I will sit enthroned, for I have desired it. I will bless her with abundant provisions; her poor I will satisfy with food. I will clothe her priests with salvation, and her faithful people will ever sing for joy.
I leave you with this prayer! For all of us...because God is able to do immeasurably more than we can ever ask or imagine. Keep seeking him.
Ephesians 3:14 - 21
For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord's holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge--that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations for ever and ever! Amen.
Wednesday, July 8, 2015
Hungry
I had the opportunity to open our home to a group of beautiful women, of all ages. it is such a treat to circle around my living room with these ladies and just talk about Jesus. Each one of these ladies had Jesus woven all through their stories, each one brought something special and unique to this group. Each person God had called to come, for a special time of fellowship, and studying of God's word.
I weighed the decision to host for several days when it was brought up again that they needed more women to host in my neighborhood. I knew what I needed to do. In one way or another each one of these ladies brought up how excited they were to have a bible study in their neighborhood. Each woman came with a desire and willingness to draw near to God and seek him, it has been such a humbling experience to hear these women pour out their hearts, their deepest desires to simply trust God more, have more faith and to leave those everyday burdens in his ever capable hands.
One thing that has stood out to me is the hunger for a deeper connection with God, as well as fellowship with one another, because no one quite understands you as well as your girl friends. It is a sweet time, where we can lay it all out, and uplift one another. God has called us as Christians to do things that aren't popular, that can cost us a lot but he promises, peace, rest, hope, and love. The beautiful thing is equips us, after he calls us. He guides us, teaches us, carries us along as we seek after him.
Last night my husband and I were talking about the power that is in the midst of praying women. At the very least its beautiful to see women just seeking God, in bible study and prayer. 11 of us circled in my living room last night, we talked about life, children, struggles, the bible, controversy, and we laughed.
I've said it a couple times how humbled I am that God would use me, I'm humbled and honored that he called me to open our home for these ladies to meet. My heart is so full, I find that its easier on this side to let go and let God. There is nothing like fellowshipping with other believers in all different stages.
It is hard to believe looking back over the last few years to see how far I've come, how much God has changed and continues to change. To say its been difficult is an understatement but its been more than worth it a million times over.
We are so hungry for Jesus, for authenticity and connection. Thank you Jesus for your sacrifice, for you calling us to something greater than we can fathom, Thank you for not allowing us to get comfy where we are, thank you for drawing us out and together, help us seek you and grow, help us encourage one another as we each strive to dwell in your throne room.
Love you friends! find a place to connect, to draw together, to just dwell with Jesus and other believers. It is life giving and crucial.
Until we meet again...blessings and prayers!!
I weighed the decision to host for several days when it was brought up again that they needed more women to host in my neighborhood. I knew what I needed to do. In one way or another each one of these ladies brought up how excited they were to have a bible study in their neighborhood. Each woman came with a desire and willingness to draw near to God and seek him, it has been such a humbling experience to hear these women pour out their hearts, their deepest desires to simply trust God more, have more faith and to leave those everyday burdens in his ever capable hands.
One thing that has stood out to me is the hunger for a deeper connection with God, as well as fellowship with one another, because no one quite understands you as well as your girl friends. It is a sweet time, where we can lay it all out, and uplift one another. God has called us as Christians to do things that aren't popular, that can cost us a lot but he promises, peace, rest, hope, and love. The beautiful thing is equips us, after he calls us. He guides us, teaches us, carries us along as we seek after him.
Last night my husband and I were talking about the power that is in the midst of praying women. At the very least its beautiful to see women just seeking God, in bible study and prayer. 11 of us circled in my living room last night, we talked about life, children, struggles, the bible, controversy, and we laughed.
I've said it a couple times how humbled I am that God would use me, I'm humbled and honored that he called me to open our home for these ladies to meet. My heart is so full, I find that its easier on this side to let go and let God. There is nothing like fellowshipping with other believers in all different stages.
It is hard to believe looking back over the last few years to see how far I've come, how much God has changed and continues to change. To say its been difficult is an understatement but its been more than worth it a million times over.
We are so hungry for Jesus, for authenticity and connection. Thank you Jesus for your sacrifice, for you calling us to something greater than we can fathom, Thank you for not allowing us to get comfy where we are, thank you for drawing us out and together, help us seek you and grow, help us encourage one another as we each strive to dwell in your throne room.
Love you friends! find a place to connect, to draw together, to just dwell with Jesus and other believers. It is life giving and crucial.
Until we meet again...blessings and prayers!!
Saturday, June 13, 2015
Oceans
As I sit down to write this morning, I think about all the times I've sat down over the last few weeks with so much to say yet no words to express how life has felt, how God has used this season of dwelling in uncomfortable to reveal things to us, to just open our eyes to all the things he is up to.
I'm astonished at the things he is willing to reveal to me?!
being uncomfortable is hard... exhausting... it has taught me so much more than I could ever fathom and for that I wouldn't trade it for comfort.
My hubs and I had an intense couple of weeks, starting with construction going from zero due to record amounts of rain to wide open, followed by coming home to water pouring out of our garage. while we were still drying out from the flood our washer broke. To say I was overwhelmed by Tuesday would be a gross understatement, even though God had provided immeasurably more than I could fathom stress hit hard Tuesday. which led to frank conversations and revelations about how God is working and what he is doing in our lives and how He's working.
In this season of being uncomfortable it has renewed the sense of dwelling, constantly striving to abide in him because this, is unknown territory.
Its hard to describe... I find the words hard... its almost like there aren't any words to fully cover what I feel like God is revealing and working through and in our lives.
A few weeks ago I felt like I needed to share part of my story with a group of friends at a picnic. Something that is very uncomfortable for me but I felt drawn to it and the email was sent before I could take it back. As I sat down to write out my story for reference, all the instances of how God has just guided us, opening doors and closing doors at the perfect time. He reminded me that this season of life is no different than the things he has guided us through before. It seems like it but just like he had in our past He has us now. He knows the plans He has for us, He knows where we are going and He knows the path we need to take.
Sure this season is different, the stakes are higher, the tugs at our hearts are deeper and stronger and they should be we have grown so much over the last 8 years, so I shouldn't expect any less but I'm so thankful for the opportunity to be used in the ways he has us set up for. There are big things coming and it scares me but its amazing.
Our boys have such a heart for India, and so much faith its inspiring and humbling. At times I feel like my faith barely makes a blip on the screen of faith but some how its pouring over onto our boys?! WOW!
I don't like being uncomfortable, I like my bubble,
but like I said, I wouldn't change it for the world.
I challenge you to pray big prayers, seek God for the big things and trust him in that.
One thing that came out of my time of testimony for me was these songs that God drew me to in seasons of life that have become prayers of sorts. A few years back I could not get enough of Hillsong's Hosanna, looking back today over where God has brought us I cant help but believe that God is answering those prayers, I didn't even realize I was praying.
When there's things we need the Holy Spirit intercedes, sometimes I believe its through song, especially in this creative, music loving girls soul.
Thank you Jesus for unexpected, heal my heart and make it clean, open up our eyes to the things unseen, break our hearts for what breaks yours, when oceans fall help us keep our eyes above the waves and help me always remember that we can touch the sky when our knees hit the ground.
Hosanna
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NoM0AT8fBvs
Oceans
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dy9nwe9_xzw
Touch the Sky
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y1RQciil7B0
Ephesians 6:19
Pray also for me, that whenever I open my mouth, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly as I should.
Philippians 4:13
I can do all things through him who gives me strength
I'm astonished at the things he is willing to reveal to me?!
being uncomfortable is hard... exhausting... it has taught me so much more than I could ever fathom and for that I wouldn't trade it for comfort.
My hubs and I had an intense couple of weeks, starting with construction going from zero due to record amounts of rain to wide open, followed by coming home to water pouring out of our garage. while we were still drying out from the flood our washer broke. To say I was overwhelmed by Tuesday would be a gross understatement, even though God had provided immeasurably more than I could fathom stress hit hard Tuesday. which led to frank conversations and revelations about how God is working and what he is doing in our lives and how He's working.
In this season of being uncomfortable it has renewed the sense of dwelling, constantly striving to abide in him because this, is unknown territory.
Its hard to describe... I find the words hard... its almost like there aren't any words to fully cover what I feel like God is revealing and working through and in our lives.
A few weeks ago I felt like I needed to share part of my story with a group of friends at a picnic. Something that is very uncomfortable for me but I felt drawn to it and the email was sent before I could take it back. As I sat down to write out my story for reference, all the instances of how God has just guided us, opening doors and closing doors at the perfect time. He reminded me that this season of life is no different than the things he has guided us through before. It seems like it but just like he had in our past He has us now. He knows the plans He has for us, He knows where we are going and He knows the path we need to take.
Sure this season is different, the stakes are higher, the tugs at our hearts are deeper and stronger and they should be we have grown so much over the last 8 years, so I shouldn't expect any less but I'm so thankful for the opportunity to be used in the ways he has us set up for. There are big things coming and it scares me but its amazing.
Our boys have such a heart for India, and so much faith its inspiring and humbling. At times I feel like my faith barely makes a blip on the screen of faith but some how its pouring over onto our boys?! WOW!
I don't like being uncomfortable, I like my bubble,
but like I said, I wouldn't change it for the world.
I challenge you to pray big prayers, seek God for the big things and trust him in that.
One thing that came out of my time of testimony for me was these songs that God drew me to in seasons of life that have become prayers of sorts. A few years back I could not get enough of Hillsong's Hosanna, looking back today over where God has brought us I cant help but believe that God is answering those prayers, I didn't even realize I was praying.
When there's things we need the Holy Spirit intercedes, sometimes I believe its through song, especially in this creative, music loving girls soul.
Thank you Jesus for unexpected, heal my heart and make it clean, open up our eyes to the things unseen, break our hearts for what breaks yours, when oceans fall help us keep our eyes above the waves and help me always remember that we can touch the sky when our knees hit the ground.
Hosanna
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NoM0AT8fBvs
Oceans
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dy9nwe9_xzw
Touch the Sky
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y1RQciil7B0
Ephesians 6:19
Pray also for me, that whenever I open my mouth, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly as I should.
Philippians 4:13
I can do all things through him who gives me strength
Tuesday, May 19, 2015
uncomfortable.
These last few weeks have been full of blessings, God ordained meetings and conversations, the opportunity to witness how God is working to make a difference around Texas all the way from Katy Texas up here around the DFW metroplex. Its very humbling to see the greatness of the things that God is doing. He is housing men in garland who would otherwise be on the street because of certain life choices, He is feeding the hungry, clothing those who need it, loving on those who need to be encouraged and to know that they are fully and completely loved...no matter what. He is reaching into the darkness to young girls and women who are sold for what their bodies can offer, all over the world, from India, to Houston, Colorado, you name it...these young ladies are finding hope and a new life for the first time.
In the midst of all the pain, all the atrocities, the mass killings...God is there... In the hunger, homelessness...God is there... With the moms who are lonely because they don't have the village they long for and they aren't sure they are doing what God has called them...God is there... When our dreams and callings seem way to big and it looks as though there is no end...God is there...
He sees it all... He carried it all... This battle, these struggles have all been won.
This is the year God has opened up to us and has said, "you need to get comfortable being uncomfortable." (I'm still protesting this...while moving forward trying to find my footing) I don't like it one bit...but its amazing. In this season of stretching and growing I have seen God move mountains. It is such a humbling thing to witness and rub elbows with those who God is using to rescue those who need someone to fight for them, those who are feeding and clothing the homeless and the hungry. To weep with those who are hurting because life just feels too big and there doesn't seem to be an end. To rejoice with those who have had victories. These things give me the hope and reassurance that God knows what he is doing...I still doubt the fact that choosing me was the right choice but leaning into the fact that he knows more and is infinitely greater than my biggest dream helps.
I don't know how God is going to help us raise the funds to build an orphanage, reach out and love on those in our home town that need it. let alone be a good mom to these two amazing little men that we have been entrusted with. I'm just humbled that God wants to use me and until I know his plan we will be circling this and lots more in prayer because Greater is the one Living inside of me than me living in this world. He can do immeasurably more than I can ever fathom...that is where I'm drawing the strength and wisdom from...
In the midst of all the pain, all the atrocities, the mass killings...God is there... In the hunger, homelessness...God is there... With the moms who are lonely because they don't have the village they long for and they aren't sure they are doing what God has called them...God is there... When our dreams and callings seem way to big and it looks as though there is no end...God is there...
He sees it all... He carried it all... This battle, these struggles have all been won.
This is the year God has opened up to us and has said, "you need to get comfortable being uncomfortable." (I'm still protesting this...while moving forward trying to find my footing) I don't like it one bit...but its amazing. In this season of stretching and growing I have seen God move mountains. It is such a humbling thing to witness and rub elbows with those who God is using to rescue those who need someone to fight for them, those who are feeding and clothing the homeless and the hungry. To weep with those who are hurting because life just feels too big and there doesn't seem to be an end. To rejoice with those who have had victories. These things give me the hope and reassurance that God knows what he is doing...I still doubt the fact that choosing me was the right choice but leaning into the fact that he knows more and is infinitely greater than my biggest dream helps.
I don't know how God is going to help us raise the funds to build an orphanage, reach out and love on those in our home town that need it. let alone be a good mom to these two amazing little men that we have been entrusted with. I'm just humbled that God wants to use me and until I know his plan we will be circling this and lots more in prayer because Greater is the one Living inside of me than me living in this world. He can do immeasurably more than I can ever fathom...that is where I'm drawing the strength and wisdom from...
Tuesday, April 14, 2015
Humbled
I love spring and all that it brings, new life, new beginnings, a fresh start. The greatest gift it brings is the reminder of what God did for us. The ultimate sacrifice, sending his son to his death to save the very ones who would kill him. Oh man I love Easter. I find my heart and soul desperate to pour out all the gratitude I have for that sacrifice. I'm grateful for my two little men and my husband and the ways we get to shape holidays with them. I find that I long to just be with them and show them Jesus in those days. I long for them to see Jesus, thank him and one day depend on him like we strive to do daily.
I had the opportunity to make a new friend last week. I almost missed it. I almost let the fear, the anxiety, the uncertainty keep me here in my comfort and frustration. I love how God takes plans and things that need to be shaken up and does that for you sometimes. I'm grateful he did that last week. Every two weeks some really good friends of mine head over to a shelter to love on some beautiful women, encourage them, wash their feet and paint their toes. When they first started I looked forward to joining them but as things kept happening that prevented me from going, every time they went I had a reason not to go, sometimes legitimate others probably not so much. This last week my friend asked, I told her I couldn't but maybe next time, I really did have plans. Just a few hours later my plans were canceled. Here comes the tug of war on what to do, do I tell her I'm available? or just pretend I'm still busy. After speaking to my husband who politely told me what I didn't want to hear. I told her I could go if they needed me to. Let me tell you what. I'm so thankful I went. Deep down I knew I needed to go, but I didn't have the power to make myself on my own.
The last lady we met has been just pressed into my heart, in ways I don't want to comprehend. She has such a beautiful strong spirit. You know those people that you meet...where you get that feeling in your gut that God has some big things in store for them...I can feel it. It was the close of our time there and the shelter called for a smoke break, meaning most of the others on the list went out for a smoke. This lady had come in late and was last on the list. She came in to check and see if it was her turn but there were about four people ahead of her. She took her adorable son and headed to her bed. I had called several women all of which were out smoking. The only one left in was her. I felt like we had to sit down with her, thankfully because of the break we were able to.
I'm humbled because I didn't do it perfect, I didn't even want to go 100% but I knew I was supposed to. I'm humbled because God trusts us to love on these women, to lift them up and intercede for them.
Courage isn't the absence of fear...its merely one reaction to fear. Thank you Jesus for giving me courage for living in me and through me, equipping me and calling me.
Listen to that still small voice drawing you, calling you. He's got such big things in store for us and his kingdom. Focus on him, his truth, cast everything else aside, it really doesn't matter.
Humbled in a broken, whole, beautiful kind of way. Its exciting to see how God is working every single day in our lives.
Praying for you! Love you! until we meet again....in his Peace
- Angela
I had the opportunity to make a new friend last week. I almost missed it. I almost let the fear, the anxiety, the uncertainty keep me here in my comfort and frustration. I love how God takes plans and things that need to be shaken up and does that for you sometimes. I'm grateful he did that last week. Every two weeks some really good friends of mine head over to a shelter to love on some beautiful women, encourage them, wash their feet and paint their toes. When they first started I looked forward to joining them but as things kept happening that prevented me from going, every time they went I had a reason not to go, sometimes legitimate others probably not so much. This last week my friend asked, I told her I couldn't but maybe next time, I really did have plans. Just a few hours later my plans were canceled. Here comes the tug of war on what to do, do I tell her I'm available? or just pretend I'm still busy. After speaking to my husband who politely told me what I didn't want to hear. I told her I could go if they needed me to. Let me tell you what. I'm so thankful I went. Deep down I knew I needed to go, but I didn't have the power to make myself on my own.
The last lady we met has been just pressed into my heart, in ways I don't want to comprehend. She has such a beautiful strong spirit. You know those people that you meet...where you get that feeling in your gut that God has some big things in store for them...I can feel it. It was the close of our time there and the shelter called for a smoke break, meaning most of the others on the list went out for a smoke. This lady had come in late and was last on the list. She came in to check and see if it was her turn but there were about four people ahead of her. She took her adorable son and headed to her bed. I had called several women all of which were out smoking. The only one left in was her. I felt like we had to sit down with her, thankfully because of the break we were able to.
I'm humbled because I didn't do it perfect, I didn't even want to go 100% but I knew I was supposed to. I'm humbled because God trusts us to love on these women, to lift them up and intercede for them.
Courage isn't the absence of fear...its merely one reaction to fear. Thank you Jesus for giving me courage for living in me and through me, equipping me and calling me.
Listen to that still small voice drawing you, calling you. He's got such big things in store for us and his kingdom. Focus on him, his truth, cast everything else aside, it really doesn't matter.
Humbled in a broken, whole, beautiful kind of way. Its exciting to see how God is working every single day in our lives.
Praying for you! Love you! until we meet again....in his Peace
- Angela
Sunday, March 22, 2015
Pursued
It is amazing at how quickly life travels. We are celebrating our little man this week. Its so hard to believe he's turning 3. Life is so different than it was when we packed up when he was 10 days old. It is so sweet to look back on the last three years and see how God has worked in our lives just in the last 3 years. I mean come on. I know you all know by now about India and how God has just opened our hearts and lives for all the beautiful people there. The last 6 months have been so full, its stretched us in ways we didn't even realize we needed to be stretched.
One day a few weeks ago, shoulder deep in all the things I needed to accomplish, complaining about some relationships and how I felt like I needed to pursue them and how I had to carry that portion of our relationship. One night when I was feeling sorry for myself and complaining to my hubs. God hit me up side the head and said, "how do I pursue you?" to which I replied... Ok God, hear you loud and clear.
Oh the ways he pursues us...
Beautifully, Persistently, Constantly, Unconditionally, Completely Pursued.
God never tires of pursuing us.
Isn't that awesome??
No matter what...he will always pursue us. He loves us that much.
As a result of this beautiful pursue we are called to pursue others with the same tenacity and love that he has for us...not because of us or through our own power but through the Holy Spirit. Oh how he pursues and equips us. It fascinates me, still. I'm blown away by how he continues to pursue me. The things that he calls us to and through. The things that God puts in my life for reasons he slowly reveals to me.
I'm so grateful that he loves me enough to pursue me even when I don't want to be pursued. Even when I'm done, exhausted, and ready to throw in the towel he leans in besides me and whispers his sweet reminder that, I'm not alone.
He's always pursuing and loving. loving and pursuing. I can't escape it. Thank you Jesus, I can't escape that beautiful, longing pursuit, to draw me in, hold me close, and guide me ever so gently. That my tired soul knows that no matter what, its safe, and its worth the cost of pursuit. I'm worth it, I'm fully loved and cherished.
Jesus simply loves us that much. He will never, ever quit pursuing us, we are worth to much for him to stop. Dwell there, rest in the place of knowing that, you are worth it every minute of every hour of every day of your life, no matter what. How awesome is that??
Until we meet again. Prayers for you.
One day a few weeks ago, shoulder deep in all the things I needed to accomplish, complaining about some relationships and how I felt like I needed to pursue them and how I had to carry that portion of our relationship. One night when I was feeling sorry for myself and complaining to my hubs. God hit me up side the head and said, "how do I pursue you?" to which I replied... Ok God, hear you loud and clear.
Oh the ways he pursues us...
Beautifully, Persistently, Constantly, Unconditionally, Completely Pursued.
God never tires of pursuing us.
Isn't that awesome??
No matter what...he will always pursue us. He loves us that much.
As a result of this beautiful pursue we are called to pursue others with the same tenacity and love that he has for us...not because of us or through our own power but through the Holy Spirit. Oh how he pursues and equips us. It fascinates me, still. I'm blown away by how he continues to pursue me. The things that he calls us to and through. The things that God puts in my life for reasons he slowly reveals to me.
I'm so grateful that he loves me enough to pursue me even when I don't want to be pursued. Even when I'm done, exhausted, and ready to throw in the towel he leans in besides me and whispers his sweet reminder that, I'm not alone.
He's always pursuing and loving. loving and pursuing. I can't escape it. Thank you Jesus, I can't escape that beautiful, longing pursuit, to draw me in, hold me close, and guide me ever so gently. That my tired soul knows that no matter what, its safe, and its worth the cost of pursuit. I'm worth it, I'm fully loved and cherished.
Jesus simply loves us that much. He will never, ever quit pursuing us, we are worth to much for him to stop. Dwell there, rest in the place of knowing that, you are worth it every minute of every hour of every day of your life, no matter what. How awesome is that??
Until we meet again. Prayers for you.
Tuesday, March 3, 2015
those little things
It is amazing the things God allows in our lives and leads us through. 2015 is flying by full of adventure, challenges, blessing, friendship and so much more. God has been stretching us. I can almost feel it happening and it isn't fun...but in the midst of that, it is refreshing, tough. We are basking in the fact that God just isn't done with us and that he has great things in store for us. We keep feeling like God is just impressing on us that we need to get comfortable being uncomfortable. So right now I'm trying to embrace that anxiety in my gut, that things are changing, that life is up in the air and that I am not in control, and trust fully that God not only knows what he's doing, but that he is very much in control and I can have faith in that.
God has come through and answered so many prayers, in the last few weeks, it continues to amaze us how intimately he cares for us. I think that for me I tend to trivialize how much God actually cares about me and my trials, because at times it seems so much more trivial than the things my brothers and sisters face in other countries. At any given minute their lives could be taken for believing in God, I don't have that fear, but I have other fears and challenges and they are just as important.
This week, our weather was crazy, our kids are crazy because they have been stuck inside, construction has been crazy. So when Friday finally arrived and it was playgroup day it could not have mattered any less that snow was on its way let alone how long it would stay. So the boys and I headed out for errands and playgroup. At some point between the bank, hobby lobby and the trampoline park, I lost my drivers license. (old habits really do die hard) I frantically look through every pocket, then talk myself out of panicking. As we left the trampoline park I assumed I would quickly find it in the truck...nope. so we continue our errands in the snow and head home. Praying that I can find it and all the After looking through the truck...again. and my purse...again. Its no where. I'm praying asking God to help me remember where it was. Hobby lobby kept popping up in my brain. So I called and asked if anyone had turned it in...nope not today. So I begin the process of replacing it with a fear that it had been stolen and what that could ultimately mean. The process of replacing it got put on hold due to weather closing down most of our city. So the next day I call hobby lobby one more time and they have it!! Thank you Jesus. So much relief. so thankful to have it back! So very thankful for all the honest good people that shop at hobby lobby and the persistence that God placed in my heart to keep pursuing hobby lobby.
This upcoming trip to India has stretched us in ways we didn't realize we needed to be stretched. God continues to bring people into our lives that catch on to my hubs vision and come alongside us. We are so excited to see all the ways and people God has lined up to use. Just in this last week God has given my hubs opportunities to talk to new people about his passion, he has opened doors, and he is continuing to pave the way. Last night when my hubs made a phone call to India he found out that all the appointments had been set up, his itinerary everything taken care of so he can gather all the information we need while he is there. Wow.
All these things I let overwhelm me, these things that I dwell on and worry about, that often cause anxiety that I cant shake?? are all taken care of in the hands of my savior who loves me, who is constantly working, putting a plan in order. He's got it all. I'm thankful that he loves me enough to keep driving this home, to keep reassuring me and showing me, how capable he is.
He is constantly showing us that he can handle the little things so we trust him fully in the big things. hang in there friends, He is at work, praying that those small things that God is working out are revealed to you, that hope is restored and you can dwell in those small victories.
God has come through and answered so many prayers, in the last few weeks, it continues to amaze us how intimately he cares for us. I think that for me I tend to trivialize how much God actually cares about me and my trials, because at times it seems so much more trivial than the things my brothers and sisters face in other countries. At any given minute their lives could be taken for believing in God, I don't have that fear, but I have other fears and challenges and they are just as important.
This week, our weather was crazy, our kids are crazy because they have been stuck inside, construction has been crazy. So when Friday finally arrived and it was playgroup day it could not have mattered any less that snow was on its way let alone how long it would stay. So the boys and I headed out for errands and playgroup. At some point between the bank, hobby lobby and the trampoline park, I lost my drivers license. (old habits really do die hard) I frantically look through every pocket, then talk myself out of panicking. As we left the trampoline park I assumed I would quickly find it in the truck...nope. so we continue our errands in the snow and head home. Praying that I can find it and all the After looking through the truck...again. and my purse...again. Its no where. I'm praying asking God to help me remember where it was. Hobby lobby kept popping up in my brain. So I called and asked if anyone had turned it in...nope not today. So I begin the process of replacing it with a fear that it had been stolen and what that could ultimately mean. The process of replacing it got put on hold due to weather closing down most of our city. So the next day I call hobby lobby one more time and they have it!! Thank you Jesus. So much relief. so thankful to have it back! So very thankful for all the honest good people that shop at hobby lobby and the persistence that God placed in my heart to keep pursuing hobby lobby.
This upcoming trip to India has stretched us in ways we didn't realize we needed to be stretched. God continues to bring people into our lives that catch on to my hubs vision and come alongside us. We are so excited to see all the ways and people God has lined up to use. Just in this last week God has given my hubs opportunities to talk to new people about his passion, he has opened doors, and he is continuing to pave the way. Last night when my hubs made a phone call to India he found out that all the appointments had been set up, his itinerary everything taken care of so he can gather all the information we need while he is there. Wow.
All these things I let overwhelm me, these things that I dwell on and worry about, that often cause anxiety that I cant shake?? are all taken care of in the hands of my savior who loves me, who is constantly working, putting a plan in order. He's got it all. I'm thankful that he loves me enough to keep driving this home, to keep reassuring me and showing me, how capable he is.
He is constantly showing us that he can handle the little things so we trust him fully in the big things. hang in there friends, He is at work, praying that those small things that God is working out are revealed to you, that hope is restored and you can dwell in those small victories.
Wednesday, February 18, 2015
He Knows Me
Psalm 139
1-6
You have searched me, Lord,
and you know me
You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word was on my tongue
you, Lord, know it completely.
You hem me in behind and before,
and you lay your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.
7-12
Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become right around me,"
even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.
13-18
For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mothers womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
How precious to me are your thoughts, God!
How vast is the sum of them!
Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand
when I awake, I am still with you.
23-24
Search me, God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts/
see if there is any offensive way in me
and lead me in the way everlasting.
Life has been life this past month and a half with more up in the air than I care for although I really am trying to embrace being comfortable, being uncomfortable, its taking time and practice and I'm not wearing it well right now in this season. When the days are long and my fuse is short and there are challenges around every corner.
My biggest challenge is knowing when and how to ask for help. I sulk for a while and before I know it I feel like I'm drowning.
Well I should have known last week God was up to something when one of the awesome leaders from our sunday school class asked me to pick a verse for our Tuesday night meeting...I originally told her no but there were bigger things in store and God knew my answer needed to be yes and I reluctantly agreed. I don't like speaking to groups, I prefer back stage help, serving in the background, I don't need much just appreciation and love and I'm solid. So when I got there last Tuesday I was armed with my favorite prayer in Ephesians 3:14-21 For this reason I kneel before the Father from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord's holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge -- that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do immeasurable more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever Amen
there were just a handful of ladies there, it was such a sweet time of fellowship with them and it was exactly what I needed, not at all what I had feared. He knew what I needed. I left there with that reassurance tucked away.
Then yesterday in my bible study by beth moore she spoke about how God rearranges our surroundings so that we can see things differently, to help us readjust our vision. He does this for a season, its messy and crazy and feels like chaos. I had never thought about it like that, it made sense. an aha moment.
Well over the last few days I've started to feel that feeling I get every so often, a little depression, a little apathy, a little overwhelmed. When this happens I feel disconnected and I'm not really sure where to turn or what to do. My hubs asks and wants to help. So today I reached out to my friends. I have been praying for my eyes to be open so that when it hits it doesn't send me reeling for days. I love these ladies I'm so thankful for them. Within a few minutes one of them sent the Ecclesiastes verse...AHHHH are you serious???
Hello Angela....he knows you. he knows what you need...he knows where you are and he wants you to readjust.
I'm still here. I'm still praying and I'm still moving forward. because God is bigger than the places I dwell. He knows what I need to rise above.
The great thing...he loves each of us the same. He knows you just as well and he's meeting you right where you are. don't miss that, where you are, wherever that is, you are fully loved. Look around God is in the midst of the trial. He's bigger and there is no place that God does not have dominion. :)
Be encouraged. He's not going to always carry us out but he will always walk with us through it. He lived this life perfectly with all sorts of trials. temptations and the works. I believe he lived with feelings bigger than we can dream about feeling, so he knows lean into him and reach out to those who God has placed in your life to walk with.
You are loved, cherished and right now Jesus is fighting for you! Until we meet again.
1-6
You have searched me, Lord,
and you know me
You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word was on my tongue
you, Lord, know it completely.
You hem me in behind and before,
and you lay your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.
7-12
Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become right around me,"
even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.
13-18
For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mothers womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
How precious to me are your thoughts, God!
How vast is the sum of them!
Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand
when I awake, I am still with you.
23-24
Search me, God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts/
see if there is any offensive way in me
and lead me in the way everlasting.
Life has been life this past month and a half with more up in the air than I care for although I really am trying to embrace being comfortable, being uncomfortable, its taking time and practice and I'm not wearing it well right now in this season. When the days are long and my fuse is short and there are challenges around every corner.
My biggest challenge is knowing when and how to ask for help. I sulk for a while and before I know it I feel like I'm drowning.
Well I should have known last week God was up to something when one of the awesome leaders from our sunday school class asked me to pick a verse for our Tuesday night meeting...I originally told her no but there were bigger things in store and God knew my answer needed to be yes and I reluctantly agreed. I don't like speaking to groups, I prefer back stage help, serving in the background, I don't need much just appreciation and love and I'm solid. So when I got there last Tuesday I was armed with my favorite prayer in Ephesians 3:14-21 For this reason I kneel before the Father from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord's holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge -- that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do immeasurable more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever Amen
there were just a handful of ladies there, it was such a sweet time of fellowship with them and it was exactly what I needed, not at all what I had feared. He knew what I needed. I left there with that reassurance tucked away.
Then yesterday in my bible study by beth moore she spoke about how God rearranges our surroundings so that we can see things differently, to help us readjust our vision. He does this for a season, its messy and crazy and feels like chaos. I had never thought about it like that, it made sense. an aha moment.
Well over the last few days I've started to feel that feeling I get every so often, a little depression, a little apathy, a little overwhelmed. When this happens I feel disconnected and I'm not really sure where to turn or what to do. My hubs asks and wants to help. So today I reached out to my friends. I have been praying for my eyes to be open so that when it hits it doesn't send me reeling for days. I love these ladies I'm so thankful for them. Within a few minutes one of them sent the Ecclesiastes verse...AHHHH are you serious???
Hello Angela....he knows you. he knows what you need...he knows where you are and he wants you to readjust.
I'm still here. I'm still praying and I'm still moving forward. because God is bigger than the places I dwell. He knows what I need to rise above.
The great thing...he loves each of us the same. He knows you just as well and he's meeting you right where you are. don't miss that, where you are, wherever that is, you are fully loved. Look around God is in the midst of the trial. He's bigger and there is no place that God does not have dominion. :)
Be encouraged. He's not going to always carry us out but he will always walk with us through it. He lived this life perfectly with all sorts of trials. temptations and the works. I believe he lived with feelings bigger than we can dream about feeling, so he knows lean into him and reach out to those who God has placed in your life to walk with.
You are loved, cherished and right now Jesus is fighting for you! Until we meet again.
Tuesday, February 10, 2015
Compelled
Compel: to force, drive, necessitate or require, as by force of circumstance or demand. To exert a strong irresistible force on.
Acts 20:22-24
And now, compelled by the Spirit, I am going to Jerusalem, not knowing what will happen to me there. I only know that in every city the Holy Spirit warns me that prison and hardships are facing me. However, I consider my life worth nothing to me; my only aim is to finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me -- the task of testifying to the good news of God's grace.
When I heard this verse this morning, it was that light bulb moment. Life has seemed overwhelming since October last year when the hubs went to India. It still amazes me how quickly and out of the blue God works. I expected him to go, love on some beautiful Indian babies and come home...the end.
However, if you have the honor to know my hubs, you know that, not only did that not happen but quite the opposite happened. He came back with a heart and a compelling whirlwind passion for these beautiful Indian children and those who are loving on them daily. He has been running full force towards this dream. I completely "understood" why and I want nothing more than to run full force beside him, cheering him on, and helping him fulfill this calling.
It has been a crazy journey. Life has been uncomfortable and unpredictable to say the least and like I heard this morning in bible study, I would rather be here with my man running full stride towards this compelling passion that God has placed in his heart because its worth it. Its worth not being comfortable, to see God work in our lives and in our friends lives.
Know that if you feel compelled to do something it is always worth pursuing full force. Know that while you are running, pursuing stuff may come unglued, it may start looking scary but God knows where you are and he knows how to guide you through it.
This is where we are, we aren't surprised but it does catch you off guard sometimes, don't forget to turn to Jesus look to him and rely on the Holy Spirit to guide you through it all. Out of all the hurdles, obstacles that have popped up over the last few months, I've seen him orchestrate things. There are a lot of variables still up in the air but God has it all, right where he wants it.
Acts 20:22-24
And now, compelled by the Spirit, I am going to Jerusalem, not knowing what will happen to me there. I only know that in every city the Holy Spirit warns me that prison and hardships are facing me. However, I consider my life worth nothing to me; my only aim is to finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me -- the task of testifying to the good news of God's grace.
When I heard this verse this morning, it was that light bulb moment. Life has seemed overwhelming since October last year when the hubs went to India. It still amazes me how quickly and out of the blue God works. I expected him to go, love on some beautiful Indian babies and come home...the end.
However, if you have the honor to know my hubs, you know that, not only did that not happen but quite the opposite happened. He came back with a heart and a compelling whirlwind passion for these beautiful Indian children and those who are loving on them daily. He has been running full force towards this dream. I completely "understood" why and I want nothing more than to run full force beside him, cheering him on, and helping him fulfill this calling.
It has been a crazy journey. Life has been uncomfortable and unpredictable to say the least and like I heard this morning in bible study, I would rather be here with my man running full stride towards this compelling passion that God has placed in his heart because its worth it. Its worth not being comfortable, to see God work in our lives and in our friends lives.
Know that if you feel compelled to do something it is always worth pursuing full force. Know that while you are running, pursuing stuff may come unglued, it may start looking scary but God knows where you are and he knows how to guide you through it.
This is where we are, we aren't surprised but it does catch you off guard sometimes, don't forget to turn to Jesus look to him and rely on the Holy Spirit to guide you through it all. Out of all the hurdles, obstacles that have popped up over the last few months, I've seen him orchestrate things. There are a lot of variables still up in the air but God has it all, right where he wants it.
Monday, February 2, 2015
The Joneses
Saturday we got to celebrate our precious C who is growing up way to fast, for a milestone we certainly weren't expecting to hit for at least another year if he followed the same path as his older brother. Well as was promised...we headed out to chuck e cheese to celebrate his accomplishment. Well I haven't been to chuck e cheese very often over the last several years let alone going on a Saturday.
Lets go back a little bit first. I think I've mentioned that since the hubs has gotten back from India I've felt this need to minimalize the things we have, simplify our life, get rid of the distractions and the things that are pulling us in a million different directions except for where we are supposed to be looking. Its been something God continues to stir in my heart and my spirit. To be more wise with my resources and just see all the abundance right here at my finger tips. Man there is so much here, so many things I have come to just accept as normal, as something I have a right to have. I've felt this shift in my thinking and my heart of hearts that this isn't how I'm called to live. It just feels like all this over abundance needs to find some place else to go. I need to change the way I look at the things I'm acquiring and the things I already have.
So we made changes at Christmas and we are moving towards this new calling and leaning into what we feel like God is calling us to. Trying to do our very best and trust him to do the rest and just to let him help us be who he wants us to be.
..........................................................Back to Saturday
We go online and find some coupons and head for chuck e cheese....there are so many people there for starters but the biggest thing I notice is that most people aren't just there eating pizza and playing games enjoying family time. Most of them are there for birthday parties, the other thing that jumps out at me is all the gifts that are on each of these different birthday party tables. (ok don't get me wrong here please) there is just so much and these families and friends who are celebrating these kids ages probably 5-8ish. You and I both know how long most of these toys will last, about 25% of them will break within the first 24 - 48 hours. the other 75% may last but will all be donated by next year or handed down, and almost all of them will definitely be forgotten by then. Again I have no problem with this it works for some, its just not where we are now and probably wont be again....
We had a friend from India come to Arlington for college...we had a get together to welcome her, where we had under 20 people. she couldn't believe how much food we had just for the small group of us, but its just what we do.
I met another friend this weekend, all she wanted was to be able to find a reliable job, finish getting her CNA and have her kids back with her. She doesn't want a fancy house, 2 cars, white picket fence and enough stuff to fill the house and the garage. She just wants her kids to be with her.
Over abundance is where we expect our life to be, we pray for blessing and we don't even realize how much blessing is right here. The thing is we have so much more than we even realize. Even if the bank account is tight, if you have electricity and a roof over your head and clean water you are better off than most of the world. Let alone the freedom to be able to worship freely, to speak freely and not live in fear. We are free from fear in Jesus, we are also free from fears that millions of our brothers and sisters face in other parts of the world. We don't have to worry about persecution, about dying for our faith, or even being ambushed in worship. We are told every where we turn that we need and deserve so much more than we actually and have. We are pressured to live up to what the Joneses have.
I don't care any more about the Joneses. I pray to Jesus to break me free of that bondage, to help me stay focused on him, to help us as a family not focus on what we can do to acquire more but what we can do to make a difference with what we have. With the blessings I have of waking up in freedom, believing in Jesus in freedom. Jesus please help us see the true blessings that are over flowing right here. Help us see our overabundance and how to share and bless those you long to touch through us. Help us turn away from the temptation to keep up with the Joneses.
Laura Story Blessings...what if?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XQan9L3yXjc
until we meet again. blessings and love to you!
Lets go back a little bit first. I think I've mentioned that since the hubs has gotten back from India I've felt this need to minimalize the things we have, simplify our life, get rid of the distractions and the things that are pulling us in a million different directions except for where we are supposed to be looking. Its been something God continues to stir in my heart and my spirit. To be more wise with my resources and just see all the abundance right here at my finger tips. Man there is so much here, so many things I have come to just accept as normal, as something I have a right to have. I've felt this shift in my thinking and my heart of hearts that this isn't how I'm called to live. It just feels like all this over abundance needs to find some place else to go. I need to change the way I look at the things I'm acquiring and the things I already have.
So we made changes at Christmas and we are moving towards this new calling and leaning into what we feel like God is calling us to. Trying to do our very best and trust him to do the rest and just to let him help us be who he wants us to be.
..........................................................Back to Saturday
We go online and find some coupons and head for chuck e cheese....there are so many people there for starters but the biggest thing I notice is that most people aren't just there eating pizza and playing games enjoying family time. Most of them are there for birthday parties, the other thing that jumps out at me is all the gifts that are on each of these different birthday party tables. (ok don't get me wrong here please) there is just so much and these families and friends who are celebrating these kids ages probably 5-8ish. You and I both know how long most of these toys will last, about 25% of them will break within the first 24 - 48 hours. the other 75% may last but will all be donated by next year or handed down, and almost all of them will definitely be forgotten by then. Again I have no problem with this it works for some, its just not where we are now and probably wont be again....
We had a friend from India come to Arlington for college...we had a get together to welcome her, where we had under 20 people. she couldn't believe how much food we had just for the small group of us, but its just what we do.
I met another friend this weekend, all she wanted was to be able to find a reliable job, finish getting her CNA and have her kids back with her. She doesn't want a fancy house, 2 cars, white picket fence and enough stuff to fill the house and the garage. She just wants her kids to be with her.
Over abundance is where we expect our life to be, we pray for blessing and we don't even realize how much blessing is right here. The thing is we have so much more than we even realize. Even if the bank account is tight, if you have electricity and a roof over your head and clean water you are better off than most of the world. Let alone the freedom to be able to worship freely, to speak freely and not live in fear. We are free from fear in Jesus, we are also free from fears that millions of our brothers and sisters face in other parts of the world. We don't have to worry about persecution, about dying for our faith, or even being ambushed in worship. We are told every where we turn that we need and deserve so much more than we actually and have. We are pressured to live up to what the Joneses have.
I don't care any more about the Joneses. I pray to Jesus to break me free of that bondage, to help me stay focused on him, to help us as a family not focus on what we can do to acquire more but what we can do to make a difference with what we have. With the blessings I have of waking up in freedom, believing in Jesus in freedom. Jesus please help us see the true blessings that are over flowing right here. Help us see our overabundance and how to share and bless those you long to touch through us. Help us turn away from the temptation to keep up with the Joneses.
Laura Story Blessings...what if?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XQan9L3yXjc
until we meet again. blessings and love to you!
Thursday, January 29, 2015
No Worries
When I was on a mission trip in Australia, that saying was one of my favorite takeaways not to mention all the fabulous food :) ...the thing is I worry, I have anxiety sometimes about the craziest things. My hubs says its because of how introverted I am, nevertheless I worry. I have been striving over the last few years to turn those worries over to God and just let go, trust him in all things. Man its hard, but every time I feel it coming on I start praying about the very thing I'm worrying about, and instead of dwelling, I begin to tell God all the things I'm thankful for. It helps a lot. In some ways it seems to be getting better but really it has only gotten worse over the years...my boys give me a lot of things to be anxious and worry about...
Well a few weeks ago, I heard words out of my sweet 4 year olds mouth I wasn't expecting to hear. We had just got back from our Christmas trip and he said, "mom I'm worried about grandma and grandpa bill." NOOOOO!!!! Dear Jesus I don't want to pass this on....But instead of reacting (thankfully), I began asking, I asked him why he was worried, he said because they were alone, because we weren't there. I told him, that grandma and grandpa were doing great, that they missed us but there was no reason to worry and I told him that when I worry, I pray for what I'm worrying about, so we walked through it, Jesus be with grandma and grandpa...and we moved forward
A few days later we were talking about one of his friends that he wanted to go see, after telling him that his friend and his mom were on a trip, he dropped it. The following day he said, "mom I'm worried about my friend Micah and Mrs. Brigitte." I asked him what we do when we worry or feel worried about people and he said "pray".....AHHHHH this one an epic mommy moment I couldn't have been more proud of him, thank you Jesus!!....so that's what we did we said a quick prayer for God to protect our friends and to get them home safely and like all four year olds he moved on.
I'm grateful for these moments, I don't like that my boy worries but its not surprising either. It truly is amazing what all they inherit from us. I'm grateful for my journey with worry because without it, I wouldn't have the same advice for him.
The other day I was with a group of friends and we were discussing Romans 8:28, but really I love this portion of scripture...good stuff.
Romans 8:28
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
My anxiety and worry is unprecedented because I have the God of the universe who loves me dearly and can handle so much more than my insignificant worries. The beautiful thing, he cares about each and every one of our cares, worry's, and desires. He longs for us to bring those before him and seek him in our human finiteness. He knows us fully and intimately, he knows how many hairs are on our heads, all the tears that have fallen.
So no matter your worries or mine, God's got it and he is working his plan together for the greater good, even though it doesn't often look like that. I mean just a few verses before Romans 8:28 in Romans 8:22-28 it says:
We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. No only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption to sonship, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what we already have? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.
In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit., because the Spirit intercedes for God's people in accordance with the will of God.
Thank you God for loving us so much to know that we need someone to go before us on our behalf who knows us better than we know ourselves. He knows my worries and anxious thoughts and not only does he bring me peace and thanksgiving, he intercedes for me, always working things for the greatest good.
So to all my fellow worriers, take heart, see God and ask how you can best deal with your worry and anxiety, and lean in to that guidance.
Peace be with you and prayers for you. No worries friend our God is bigger.
Well a few weeks ago, I heard words out of my sweet 4 year olds mouth I wasn't expecting to hear. We had just got back from our Christmas trip and he said, "mom I'm worried about grandma and grandpa bill." NOOOOO!!!! Dear Jesus I don't want to pass this on....But instead of reacting (thankfully), I began asking, I asked him why he was worried, he said because they were alone, because we weren't there. I told him, that grandma and grandpa were doing great, that they missed us but there was no reason to worry and I told him that when I worry, I pray for what I'm worrying about, so we walked through it, Jesus be with grandma and grandpa...and we moved forward
A few days later we were talking about one of his friends that he wanted to go see, after telling him that his friend and his mom were on a trip, he dropped it. The following day he said, "mom I'm worried about my friend Micah and Mrs. Brigitte." I asked him what we do when we worry or feel worried about people and he said "pray".....AHHHHH this one an epic mommy moment I couldn't have been more proud of him, thank you Jesus!!....so that's what we did we said a quick prayer for God to protect our friends and to get them home safely and like all four year olds he moved on.
I'm grateful for these moments, I don't like that my boy worries but its not surprising either. It truly is amazing what all they inherit from us. I'm grateful for my journey with worry because without it, I wouldn't have the same advice for him.
The other day I was with a group of friends and we were discussing Romans 8:28, but really I love this portion of scripture...good stuff.
Romans 8:28
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
My anxiety and worry is unprecedented because I have the God of the universe who loves me dearly and can handle so much more than my insignificant worries. The beautiful thing, he cares about each and every one of our cares, worry's, and desires. He longs for us to bring those before him and seek him in our human finiteness. He knows us fully and intimately, he knows how many hairs are on our heads, all the tears that have fallen.
So no matter your worries or mine, God's got it and he is working his plan together for the greater good, even though it doesn't often look like that. I mean just a few verses before Romans 8:28 in Romans 8:22-28 it says:
We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. No only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption to sonship, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what we already have? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.
In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit., because the Spirit intercedes for God's people in accordance with the will of God.
Thank you God for loving us so much to know that we need someone to go before us on our behalf who knows us better than we know ourselves. He knows my worries and anxious thoughts and not only does he bring me peace and thanksgiving, he intercedes for me, always working things for the greatest good.
So to all my fellow worriers, take heart, see God and ask how you can best deal with your worry and anxiety, and lean in to that guidance.
Peace be with you and prayers for you. No worries friend our God is bigger.
Saturday, January 24, 2015
Running Buddy
I run now...that is still weird to think/say. I have heard the expression countless times about how life is like a race, 5k, sprint, marathon, you name it.
I'd say life is like a marathon, from what I know about them from being married to a marathoner. Here's why...
You see a marathon, like life has many different stages. First you start your marathon journey by training...growing up...Then you have the few days prior to the race where you prepare your body and your brain for the upcoming miles, you rest, you take away the miles so your body rebuilds...your young adult life...Next the race, in the beginning of the race you often wonder WHY AM I RUNNING?? how much further do I have? Am I really ready for this? Did I train enough? Am I a good enough runner? ...again id say young adult life...
Then you get comfortable you find your groove, you find your pace group and you start feeling like you can do this. you know this season in life where you start getting the hang of things, learning from mistakes, kids chill out for a while, find a career you enjoy, good friends...
Next comes the wall, your body literally wants to stop, you think in your brain, there is NO possible way for me to take another step forward let alone finish this race. This is just not going to happen....mid life crisis (need I say more)
Then you blast through that wall, you get fuel on board, you find your focus, that drive that was hiding comes out and you find the perseverance to push yourself forward to your goal. I'm going to lump the last part of life in here..
Last but not least Finishing...oh man can you fathom you have come 25 miles you see that GLORIOUS 26 mile marker and KNOW you got this...all you have is .2 miles. .2 that's it. holy cow 26 miles I've ran 26 miles. There is a beautiful thing that happens between 26 and the finish line that's my favorite place to be well almost my favorite...(technically its where families are reunited but i'll get there) You see as you are waiting to witness your loved one cross the finish line you see all these people who have just overcome, conquered themselves, learned something powerful, you see raw, real, perseverance. You see first timers all the way to seasoned veterans who are driven to conquer that small voice that tells them they cant. I imagine that is how life is as you age, that as you look back you see all that you accomplished, all that you have overcome, the self doubt, the difficult times but the sweet moments of the conquered hills and miles that have passed. After you finish you get to meet up with those who love you and have come out to cheer you on, there are lots of tears here, lots of joy...
the other thing is, is your running buddy, oh I couldn't do it without my run buddy...we have all been on those runs alone where its so hard to keep moving forward....my run buddy keeps me accountable, she keeps me going when I want to stop because every muscle in my legs hurt. The cool thing about having a run buddy in the middle of the marathon especially when you hit your wall is they keep you grounded, they remind you that you can keep going, that you have what it takes all you have to do is get some fuel and refocus.
I love my run buddies, the ones that run with me, the ones that are just living life alongside me, encouraging me, helping me become a better mom and wife, a better follower of Jesus, oh my run buddies, I'm so grateful for God for putting them in my life.
Another reason I Love these run buddies we have alongside us...last week we had our youngest little boy in church with us and we also took him to our sunday school class, instead of these sweet Jesus loving people being annoyed that our rambunctious 2 year old was in there they embraced him, loved on him, played with him, sat with him, oh it was such a sweet time, it blessed my heart. I couldn't do it without these friends.
Hebrews 12:1-3
Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinner, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.
I'd say life is like a marathon, from what I know about them from being married to a marathoner. Here's why...
You see a marathon, like life has many different stages. First you start your marathon journey by training...growing up...Then you have the few days prior to the race where you prepare your body and your brain for the upcoming miles, you rest, you take away the miles so your body rebuilds...your young adult life...Next the race, in the beginning of the race you often wonder WHY AM I RUNNING?? how much further do I have? Am I really ready for this? Did I train enough? Am I a good enough runner? ...again id say young adult life...
Then you get comfortable you find your groove, you find your pace group and you start feeling like you can do this. you know this season in life where you start getting the hang of things, learning from mistakes, kids chill out for a while, find a career you enjoy, good friends...
Next comes the wall, your body literally wants to stop, you think in your brain, there is NO possible way for me to take another step forward let alone finish this race. This is just not going to happen....mid life crisis (need I say more)
Then you blast through that wall, you get fuel on board, you find your focus, that drive that was hiding comes out and you find the perseverance to push yourself forward to your goal. I'm going to lump the last part of life in here..
Last but not least Finishing...oh man can you fathom you have come 25 miles you see that GLORIOUS 26 mile marker and KNOW you got this...all you have is .2 miles. .2 that's it. holy cow 26 miles I've ran 26 miles. There is a beautiful thing that happens between 26 and the finish line that's my favorite place to be well almost my favorite...(technically its where families are reunited but i'll get there) You see as you are waiting to witness your loved one cross the finish line you see all these people who have just overcome, conquered themselves, learned something powerful, you see raw, real, perseverance. You see first timers all the way to seasoned veterans who are driven to conquer that small voice that tells them they cant. I imagine that is how life is as you age, that as you look back you see all that you accomplished, all that you have overcome, the self doubt, the difficult times but the sweet moments of the conquered hills and miles that have passed. After you finish you get to meet up with those who love you and have come out to cheer you on, there are lots of tears here, lots of joy...
the other thing is, is your running buddy, oh I couldn't do it without my run buddy...we have all been on those runs alone where its so hard to keep moving forward....my run buddy keeps me accountable, she keeps me going when I want to stop because every muscle in my legs hurt. The cool thing about having a run buddy in the middle of the marathon especially when you hit your wall is they keep you grounded, they remind you that you can keep going, that you have what it takes all you have to do is get some fuel and refocus.
I love my run buddies, the ones that run with me, the ones that are just living life alongside me, encouraging me, helping me become a better mom and wife, a better follower of Jesus, oh my run buddies, I'm so grateful for God for putting them in my life.
Another reason I Love these run buddies we have alongside us...last week we had our youngest little boy in church with us and we also took him to our sunday school class, instead of these sweet Jesus loving people being annoyed that our rambunctious 2 year old was in there they embraced him, loved on him, played with him, sat with him, oh it was such a sweet time, it blessed my heart. I couldn't do it without these friends.
Hebrews 12:1-3
Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinner, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.
Tuesday, January 20, 2015
true confessions tuesday
Ok let me just tell you, when you sit down with friends and you have an epiphany about how you feel like you don't measure up to others facebook update worthy wins, you decide that real life posts are actually where its at. I mean everyone appreciates our vacay pics, potty training, made it through the store without a meltdown, moms weekends away or the ever epic I did this to make a huge difference in our world posts. I enjoy reading those but let me tell you there are some very real life changing days happening down here in the trenches with my littles...however they aren't pretty, and ninety percent of the time not what you would consider facebook worthy. SOOO I had a "brilliant" idea. lets make these real life trench moments facebook worthy, and better yet lets name this #tct #trueconfessionstuesday I set out the challenge and within and hour I had some pretty epic facebook worthy stuff going down in the playroom. Well lets just say I haven't had a short supply of these moments in the last few weeks. Just one of those seasons we go through in parenting. Man oh man today was bigger than facebook worthy it made it all the way to blog-worthy...today started like any other Tuesday, both boys woke up early and were in pretty good moods, so I decided that I would shower before bible study, since we were ahead of schedule I figured this was a fairly "safe" decision. not only was I wrong about this but this day started spiraling and fast. C came in crying because J hit him...you know the drill, so we keep trucking forward everyone keeps getting ready and I'm throwing the boys lunches together when I see something suspicious happening in the playroom...I knew they were up to something but I didn't want to know at all I wanted to just turn and run because its never ever a good sign when they are hiding behind those curtains in the playroom...
Chocolate syrup...so much chocolate syrup
all over the window frame and on the carpet...now we aren't on time at all and things just got complicated. deep breath. don't over react. don't yell. don't yell. breathe. I cleaned it up as best I could temporarily and tried to figure out how to handle their consequence. talked with my mommy friends, and my hubs. Tried to remain positive about how the rest of the day will turn out.
haha it got worse...
to spare you all the details, I had to go buy some more hand soap, and we had to clean up their bedroom...the best words I heard all day were when my hubs got home and told me he would make dinner while I went to run errands to restock everything that was emptied during our boys undoing today....
mommy time...quiet...just me, music and my Jesus...peace
You see life happens and you notice it more when you are looking for opportunities to share. Just like you start noticing all the cars that are just like yours once you buy a new one?! So life happens, I wanted to be a better mom this year, to stop yelling, to use other ways to discipline my boys, better ways to be their mom. I've had plenty of opportunities to use the new resources, and even more reasons to delve deeper into them. Lots of reasons to rely on Jesus more everyday. To lean on the holy spirit who knows my boys inmost being and he knows exactly what they need and when. He also knows what this mommy needs. I need those genuine relationships where we can talk about crappy days and lift each other up, encourage one another and stand together and fight for our kiddos.
I'm reminded about the love Jesus has for me and the grace that so abounds in his love for me. He is ever patient with me, when I over react, when I yell and when I make bad choices. I get to offer that same grace and love to my boys. I was reminded today that no matter what these boys do, there is absolutely nothing they can do that can make me love them any less. How much truer is that about Jesus' love for us??
So today even though I felt like I was drowning, I could keep my eyes above the ways, I could fix my eyes on Jesus and lean on the fact that in him there is nothing I cant handle, on my own I crash and burn quite fast.
As I pulled into the drive way Hillsongs' Oceans (Where feet may fail) came on. man that song speaks to my heart.
Peace be with you...I'm praying for you. You got this. If God brings you to it he will bring you through it as long as you keep your eyes on him. Don't forget to look up above the waves, to the one who can plant your feet firmly on top of the water.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1m_sWJQm2fs
Chocolate syrup...so much chocolate syrup
all over the window frame and on the carpet...now we aren't on time at all and things just got complicated. deep breath. don't over react. don't yell. don't yell. breathe. I cleaned it up as best I could temporarily and tried to figure out how to handle their consequence. talked with my mommy friends, and my hubs. Tried to remain positive about how the rest of the day will turn out.
haha it got worse...
to spare you all the details, I had to go buy some more hand soap, and we had to clean up their bedroom...the best words I heard all day were when my hubs got home and told me he would make dinner while I went to run errands to restock everything that was emptied during our boys undoing today....
mommy time...quiet...just me, music and my Jesus...peace
You see life happens and you notice it more when you are looking for opportunities to share. Just like you start noticing all the cars that are just like yours once you buy a new one?! So life happens, I wanted to be a better mom this year, to stop yelling, to use other ways to discipline my boys, better ways to be their mom. I've had plenty of opportunities to use the new resources, and even more reasons to delve deeper into them. Lots of reasons to rely on Jesus more everyday. To lean on the holy spirit who knows my boys inmost being and he knows exactly what they need and when. He also knows what this mommy needs. I need those genuine relationships where we can talk about crappy days and lift each other up, encourage one another and stand together and fight for our kiddos.
I'm reminded about the love Jesus has for me and the grace that so abounds in his love for me. He is ever patient with me, when I over react, when I yell and when I make bad choices. I get to offer that same grace and love to my boys. I was reminded today that no matter what these boys do, there is absolutely nothing they can do that can make me love them any less. How much truer is that about Jesus' love for us??
So today even though I felt like I was drowning, I could keep my eyes above the ways, I could fix my eyes on Jesus and lean on the fact that in him there is nothing I cant handle, on my own I crash and burn quite fast.
As I pulled into the drive way Hillsongs' Oceans (Where feet may fail) came on. man that song speaks to my heart.
Peace be with you...I'm praying for you. You got this. If God brings you to it he will bring you through it as long as you keep your eyes on him. Don't forget to look up above the waves, to the one who can plant your feet firmly on top of the water.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1m_sWJQm2fs
Wednesday, January 14, 2015
Fail...or so i thought
As many of you may know I'm optimistic to a fault...almost ninety percent of the time. The other ten percent is evened out by my equally optimistic husband. Except you see you when I'm running apparently. Every negative thought comes into my brain, all the negative self talk that I've worked for years to overcome, comes flowing back. I doubt myself and man oh man I complain...I feel really bad for my run buddy. It really is thanks to her I'm actually running at all, because another thing most people know about me is that my husband runs and not me...well apparently we are both runners. I'm just as surprised as you are right now.
We took it slow getting into running. She didn't think she could do it and I knew if it was something she wanted to do, that she could do it...no doubt. I knew I would have to follow a plan or I'd end up on the sideline after 3 days of running. So we found a plan and started...slowly but surely, starting with intervals working up through the longer intervals to where we are today. Yesterday we ran for 30 minutes and it felt great. However, let me back up to the reason I actually set down to write this...after all the title is "fail" and that is obviously not where we are right now.
So we had been doing really good, following plan, running 3 days a week, rain, cold or warm, even thanksgiving day we ran...Then came Christmas travels and all the busyness that comes with the holiday season. So I missed some runs, I tried to run and due to a cold ended up only running for 10 mins...so by the time we got home and were able to run our 30 min runs seemed like an eternity and every part of my body ached and I regretted the day I agreed to run...all that self doubt and negative self talk came back with a vengeance for about 2 weeks...it was awful I couldn't figure out what had changed, the best part?! Just when I didn't think it could get any worse...I tanked I was congested, I probably shouldn't haven been running but I couldn't miss another one, so there I was 10-15 mins in and my body decides it cant go any further. I cant breathe all the stuff that is keeping me congested wont move, so I stop, I was so frustrated but she graciously stopped running with me and we walked and talked, about Jesus, about what God was doing in our lives, about what God was teaching us...after about half a mile I felt better and we finished...but I felt defeated. How can it go from such a good place to me not even feeling like I could finish?? I left that run with a big red F ... I just couldn't understand ... I sulked but moved on no use in dwelling.... right??
Reluctantly we got back out there I mean we do have a race coming up so we have to keep going, plus she is counting on me...accountability can be such a pain sometimes but man its necessary. We started our run and it wasn't feeling too bad but my shin was bothering me and I was just begging God to not let it develop into shin splints...then my knee...then my hip...cue doubt and sulking...but I tried to keep quiet, no need to be negative and share that...As we were running she asked about our bible study that we had just started that morning. I gave her a "quick" synopsis in between breaths and we slowed our pace a little so I wasn't gasping for air between sentences. I noticed a change in our run, in how I was feeling, in the ease of the run. We weren't focusing inward, we shifted it off the doubt and turned it on Jesus. I tell you what, Jesus met us and even though we had to make a pit stop it felt effortless to start up again to keep going.
I lost my focus...I let my sight be set on me and my petty issues instead of the transformation that can come from the deep Jesus moments you can have with a friend on a run. Jesus...oh our sweet sweet Jesus just meets us where we are and joins us. He helps us see how trivial these annoyances are and how we can overcome. You see I am an overcomer, a conqueror, a co-heir with Jesus, I'm a daughter, fully loved and fully forgiven. Those things are true. Thank you Jesus for reminding me that all I really want and need is you.
Failure isn't at all what it seems most of the time, but what failure can do is suffocate if we let it. Don't ever let anyone tell you, that you are a failure, that there is no hope for redemption or a future and that you should quit because that isn't truth. Its only a true fail, if we fail to see Jesus, if we stay there in the failure. Look up and out. Jesus is so much bigger than the circumstances you see yourself in.
We took it slow getting into running. She didn't think she could do it and I knew if it was something she wanted to do, that she could do it...no doubt. I knew I would have to follow a plan or I'd end up on the sideline after 3 days of running. So we found a plan and started...slowly but surely, starting with intervals working up through the longer intervals to where we are today. Yesterday we ran for 30 minutes and it felt great. However, let me back up to the reason I actually set down to write this...after all the title is "fail" and that is obviously not where we are right now.
So we had been doing really good, following plan, running 3 days a week, rain, cold or warm, even thanksgiving day we ran...Then came Christmas travels and all the busyness that comes with the holiday season. So I missed some runs, I tried to run and due to a cold ended up only running for 10 mins...so by the time we got home and were able to run our 30 min runs seemed like an eternity and every part of my body ached and I regretted the day I agreed to run...all that self doubt and negative self talk came back with a vengeance for about 2 weeks...it was awful I couldn't figure out what had changed, the best part?! Just when I didn't think it could get any worse...I tanked I was congested, I probably shouldn't haven been running but I couldn't miss another one, so there I was 10-15 mins in and my body decides it cant go any further. I cant breathe all the stuff that is keeping me congested wont move, so I stop, I was so frustrated but she graciously stopped running with me and we walked and talked, about Jesus, about what God was doing in our lives, about what God was teaching us...after about half a mile I felt better and we finished...but I felt defeated. How can it go from such a good place to me not even feeling like I could finish?? I left that run with a big red F ... I just couldn't understand ... I sulked but moved on no use in dwelling.... right??
Reluctantly we got back out there I mean we do have a race coming up so we have to keep going, plus she is counting on me...accountability can be such a pain sometimes but man its necessary. We started our run and it wasn't feeling too bad but my shin was bothering me and I was just begging God to not let it develop into shin splints...then my knee...then my hip...cue doubt and sulking...but I tried to keep quiet, no need to be negative and share that...As we were running she asked about our bible study that we had just started that morning. I gave her a "quick" synopsis in between breaths and we slowed our pace a little so I wasn't gasping for air between sentences. I noticed a change in our run, in how I was feeling, in the ease of the run. We weren't focusing inward, we shifted it off the doubt and turned it on Jesus. I tell you what, Jesus met us and even though we had to make a pit stop it felt effortless to start up again to keep going.
I lost my focus...I let my sight be set on me and my petty issues instead of the transformation that can come from the deep Jesus moments you can have with a friend on a run. Jesus...oh our sweet sweet Jesus just meets us where we are and joins us. He helps us see how trivial these annoyances are and how we can overcome. You see I am an overcomer, a conqueror, a co-heir with Jesus, I'm a daughter, fully loved and fully forgiven. Those things are true. Thank you Jesus for reminding me that all I really want and need is you.
Failure isn't at all what it seems most of the time, but what failure can do is suffocate if we let it. Don't ever let anyone tell you, that you are a failure, that there is no hope for redemption or a future and that you should quit because that isn't truth. Its only a true fail, if we fail to see Jesus, if we stay there in the failure. Look up and out. Jesus is so much bigger than the circumstances you see yourself in.
Saturday, January 10, 2015
Happy New Year
Its a new year...so much to look forward to. One of my favorite parts of the end of a year and the beginning of a new year is looking back on the year that just ended to see what I can do better, improve on, or continue doing. Self reflection always helps you grow, the hard part is discerning which habits are worth keeping and which ones need to go. Usually we get caught up in resolutions, twenty things we are going to change and how to be better. I don't know about you but these resolutions don't stick around long because they are me powered, they are angela will powered...haha that doesn't go near as far as it needs to most of the time.
So we pray through these resolutions, these changes we feel need to take place to help us be better. One morning, it was New Years Day, I saw a friend post on facebook, how her daughter asked her what her new years revolutions were. Revolution...she said she laughed...but then she got to thinking and praying about what that revolution would be and what it would look like. she said it looks like Jesus, Jesus revolutionizing us, our hearts, our lives, our habits, our relationships. Seeking God first, seeking his priorities, his will for us. Those things, those resolutions or revolutions will stick, those will transform lives. Those will make the biggest difference and make us the best us possible. Revolutions...this facebook post stayed with me...as most of hers do. You really should follow Jackie Hooks on Facebook. Its so inspiring how she loves Jesus, because Jesus is big, much bigger than we often give him credit for. Each day as I have been pursuing what God has in store for this year that has stuck with me.
The great thing about life is its ever changing, even if you are at a place you want to change just give it time it will, the crazy thing about the change is most of the time it isn't necessarily what you want it to be. The only way to ensure that it is the change you want, initiate it, pursue it, and get comfortable in the midst of it, pray through it, lean in and push forward. In the last seven years that's what I've learned about change, resolutions. I know that God has big adventures ahead for us this year and the years to come. As I was thinking on these things and talking with friends about what we can do to be better mommas for our kids, and just to be better. The struggle is real and intense most days especially when your in the trenches just praying you're making the right choices and making a difference in your children's lives.
The thing we all struggled with was comparing ourselves to others. You know, you have those friends who are throwing pintrest parties, having facebook worthy posts about their family life every day, hitting the mark, potty trained in 24 hours, and their kids are already world changers for Jesus...my realization it doesn't matter what I see on facebook I know their reality is like mine...despite what it looks like on this side of the screen, because nobodies life is perfect. Nobody gets it right one hundred percent of the time. No matter what they are doing, no matter what size of the impact they are making, they are just as human as we are.
Lightbulb...
we cannot spend time comparing our journey to someone elses...we aren't on the same road, God has a different plan for each of us. It is a waste of time for me to sit around think about how I'm not measuring up to what God has called someone else to. Pray and seek the plan that God has for you, stay focused on that, help each other stay focused on their specific goals, lets strive together forward, looking to God and leaning on his will and direction.
My new years, my goals is to press into Jesus, seek him, let him revolutionize the little things so that the big things fall into place. Focus on my journey, pray for my friends on their journey and the great thing?? while we are focusing forward together we get to lean on each other and turn each other to Jesus when we are spinning our wheels.
Don't run on your power seek the unending power, the one that can help you change your world and conquer all that he has called you to this year and all the years to come! He's got some pretty great things in store for all of us!!
Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith.
Hebrews 12:1-2
until we meet again...
So we pray through these resolutions, these changes we feel need to take place to help us be better. One morning, it was New Years Day, I saw a friend post on facebook, how her daughter asked her what her new years revolutions were. Revolution...she said she laughed...but then she got to thinking and praying about what that revolution would be and what it would look like. she said it looks like Jesus, Jesus revolutionizing us, our hearts, our lives, our habits, our relationships. Seeking God first, seeking his priorities, his will for us. Those things, those resolutions or revolutions will stick, those will transform lives. Those will make the biggest difference and make us the best us possible. Revolutions...this facebook post stayed with me...as most of hers do. You really should follow Jackie Hooks on Facebook. Its so inspiring how she loves Jesus, because Jesus is big, much bigger than we often give him credit for. Each day as I have been pursuing what God has in store for this year that has stuck with me.
The great thing about life is its ever changing, even if you are at a place you want to change just give it time it will, the crazy thing about the change is most of the time it isn't necessarily what you want it to be. The only way to ensure that it is the change you want, initiate it, pursue it, and get comfortable in the midst of it, pray through it, lean in and push forward. In the last seven years that's what I've learned about change, resolutions. I know that God has big adventures ahead for us this year and the years to come. As I was thinking on these things and talking with friends about what we can do to be better mommas for our kids, and just to be better. The struggle is real and intense most days especially when your in the trenches just praying you're making the right choices and making a difference in your children's lives.
The thing we all struggled with was comparing ourselves to others. You know, you have those friends who are throwing pintrest parties, having facebook worthy posts about their family life every day, hitting the mark, potty trained in 24 hours, and their kids are already world changers for Jesus...my realization it doesn't matter what I see on facebook I know their reality is like mine...despite what it looks like on this side of the screen, because nobodies life is perfect. Nobody gets it right one hundred percent of the time. No matter what they are doing, no matter what size of the impact they are making, they are just as human as we are.
Lightbulb...
we cannot spend time comparing our journey to someone elses...we aren't on the same road, God has a different plan for each of us. It is a waste of time for me to sit around think about how I'm not measuring up to what God has called someone else to. Pray and seek the plan that God has for you, stay focused on that, help each other stay focused on their specific goals, lets strive together forward, looking to God and leaning on his will and direction.
My new years, my goals is to press into Jesus, seek him, let him revolutionize the little things so that the big things fall into place. Focus on my journey, pray for my friends on their journey and the great thing?? while we are focusing forward together we get to lean on each other and turn each other to Jesus when we are spinning our wheels.
Don't run on your power seek the unending power, the one that can help you change your world and conquer all that he has called you to this year and all the years to come! He's got some pretty great things in store for all of us!!
Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith.
Hebrews 12:1-2
until we meet again...
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