Seven Years

so this is the second round of this blog post....not by choice but I never learned that once you loose a blog because it didn't save that you should type it some place else because it froze while I was trying to upload to pictures and its still not working...I'm still not I'm still typing this on blogger...its just easier. oh well. It is amazing how much life has changed over the last seven years. Seven years ago today was a Saturday and the hubs and I were newly weds, not even 24 hours married, we were preparing to move from Missouri to Colorado, preparing to start new jobs and I was getting ready to start the spring semester of my sophomore year at Colorado Christian University. We went shopping for Christmas stuff. We were outcasts in some ways but welcomed with Love in others. On December 14, 2007 I married my best friend, I loved him so much the incredible thing on that day seven years ago I never would have believed I could love him any more and as cliché as it sounds I love him so much more today than I did then and not because life has been sunshine and roses.


Life has been full of tough spots/valleys but also mountain tops, some days are choc full of both. Over the last seven years we have moved five times, two of those moves were within a year of each other with a 1.5 year old and pregnant with our second little boy, the last move was to where we are now with J 20 months old and C just 2 weeks old. We started in Colorado with no friends, in an awesome 1 bedroom apartment we found online in beautiful Lakewood Colorado. I couldn't imagine our first 5 years anywhere but Colorado, we had such an amazing adventure there, we found some life long friends and great experiences. I mean that's where both of our little boys were born, we can tell everyday that they are true Colorado natives because every morning they wake up in the winter they look for snow. Too bad they are growing up in Texas where snow is sparse at best most winters.


The biggest blessing in the last two years was our church First Baptist Arlington, to say its unexpected would be an understatement, we drug our feet when it came to visiting, we actually visited out of obligation...but God knew after that visit there would be no turning back for us. We knew people going in because most of our neighbors go to FBCA, so they encouraged us to find a sunday school class, and boy have we enjoyed that nudge too...We have made lifelong friends in that class, in a lot of ways its our Acts 2 church. I love living life with our friends, to know that there is always someone who has your back and can help.


It's an example of how our marriage has worked so well, we are able to both work together, to lean in on each others strengths and just help fill needs as needs come up. Building up each other, its so cool to see when we are working together because things just happen. I'm so thankful for my hubs who helps me out in so many ways, in all the ways he is blessed.


This year has been...in one word...raw, real, unexpected. ok maybe three. You see a year ago I would have never thought we would be having Upma, a traditional breakfast for India, for breakfast and almost daily talks about India and what God is doing there, I never would have thought that India would be on our minds and hearts. This past year has greatly impacted our worldview as a family in an incredibly humbling way, I think the reason words have been harder over the last few months since India is because its hard to say how much something has impacted your soul. There are no word to fully describe the way raw life its you right smack dab in the middle of our abundantly distracted American lives. Words are hard because my brain is tired, overwhelmed and surrounded by mommy stuff. Words are hard because life isn't just clear cut, its not sunshine and roses, its not as great as our governments portray, its not about Santa and being good to acquire gifts that we will get rid of within the next year. Words are hard because our souls, brains and lives are trying to communicate the supernatural and abundance that is God, how do you put that into words?? I don't think you can...I think that's why our actions are important, and why are hearts break out into tears because words just cant fully encapsulate what our hearts long to say. India has hit us, it has shown us where God's heart lies and where he wants us to dwell, how he wants us to love and live. In so many ways we are processing all that India is and stands for in our lives and I'm grateful for that especially this Christmas that make us thankful for the things we have like healthy boys and our amazing seven years of marriage. Those are the things we are blessed with abundantly.


Wow how life has changed in seven years....I'm grateful for every change, every valley and every mountain top. For the anniversaries spent at dinner,  bed and breakfasts, a cruise, a small cottage in Stockton Missouri, one in downtown Dallas as the hubs prepared for his 6th marathon pacing our friend on her first marathon adventure with our two boys in the pouring rain. You can just never tell what that year will hold and man am I looking forward to so many more celebrations with the hubs no matter what that day may hold.

Grateful

Since the hubs has been home from India, life has been a whirlwind. It's hard to believe it has been four weeks, and not only has it been four weeks but its Thanksgiving. This year has flown by and has been such an unexpected adventure. God has really opened our lives up to the awareness of how abundant our lives are. It has been very humbling, I have so much to be grateful for it is ridiculous. I have at my fingertips so much more than the majority of the world. The struggle...what am I doing with these resources to change my world? What can I do to make a difference and what have I been called to do? I don't know all the details quite yet but I know the beauty is in the details and in discovering what lies ahead and embracing the journey as we figure it out.


Today I'm grateful. I'm grateful for growing up in the United States, I'm grateful for the opportunity to attend a free public school, for the ability to be able to become a follower of Jesus at the young age of 10 and be accepted by my family and have the safety of freedom of religion. I'm grateful for my college education, and all the friends I met through that awesome experience. I'm grateful for our home, our cars, the electricity and gas that keep us warm, and allow us to cook. I'm grateful for our clean water. I'm grateful for my family, I'm so honored to be married to such an incredible and Godly man who, seeks God daily, who goes out of his way to serve his family. I'm so very thankful for the company that he works for, that he enjoys going to work and loves what he does. I'm thankful that his job allows me to stay home and care for our two amazing boys and it allows me to serve my family in that way. I LOVE my job, I love my family and I love that I can serve them love them and also be an entrepreneur. I'm thankful for our friends and family, those wonderful people that God has blessed us with to walk our life journey with. You make this walk a lot less lonely and you are super encouraging, and you get it.


We have so many awesome opportunities here. I have two of the most precious gifts I could ever ask for and I'm honored to have a part in raising these future world changers. I pray for them daily. I pray that I'm showing them that they aren't entitled, that God has created us to work, and work hard, to find our passions and use them and how to be good stewards. I pray that I show them how to love and love deeply.


I'm so grateful and a grateful heart is content. God help me be more grateful, help me be content, help me pass that on.


Ephesians 3:14-21New International Version (NIV)

A Prayer for the Ephesians

¹⁴ For this reason I kneel before the Father, ¹⁵ from whom every family^[a] in heaven and on earth derives its name. ¹⁶ I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, ¹⁷ so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, ¹⁸ may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, ¹⁹ and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
²⁰ Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, ²¹ to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.




Philippians 4:5-7New International Version (NIV)
⁵ Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. ⁶ Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. ⁷ And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Contentment

Happy Fall friends! Hope you are all staying warm. I think it is pretty ironic that during this season of over indulgence, of giving to top what you gave last year, trying to keep up with the people who "have it all" that I have seen at least a dozen articles about, Teaching your child contentment", "How to raise a grateful child"...


Since before Halloween was even over we saw evidence of Christmas coming. Lights for sale at target and all the red and green coming out at various other stores all in preparation for the millions of dollars that are about to come in over the next 2 months. I get all the "reasons" why...but seriously? unnecessary...because get this we all know that Christmas is coming. I mean how could we forget? You see taking our kids and serving with them is amazing. Telling them about the boys and girls in India and even here in Arlington that live in the various shelters that don't have the luxuries they have available at their fingertips is certainly a great start and even exposing them to these peers is awesome. BUT its so much more than doing those things during November and December to help us feel better about spending thousands of dollars on each other because we are supposed to...necessity and guilt shouldn't drive us to serve or give.


Thanksgiving and Christmas are so much more than the gifts, than the things we can acquire. Its about the moments, the memories, celebrating and enjoying our families and friends Ever since India there has been a pivotal change in our family, I love shopping as much as the next person and retail therapy with some chocolate...yes please...but its so hard to think about shopping when there are little boys and girls who don't have the basic necessities let alone their wants.


A few weeks ago after the boys had been spending way too much time fighting over their toys we packed them all up and took them away. They have since earned a few back based on good behavior and not fighting over them any more. However, there was something that happened when they didn't have anything to fight over. They played with their books, each other, they shared and used their imaginations. They now play with blocks and build things.


Epiphany


total palm to forehead moment


Our boys...just like us...merely have way too many options...


One thing I've heard over and over from my friends and husband who have gone to India was the joy these children had, despite what they lacked in our western culture standard. How come I cant live maybe a week without coming up with something else I "need." We are surrounded by advertisements and marketers telling us from every angle that we need more and more importantly we deserve more. Another thing my hubby has come back with a fire to fix is to build a new orphanage for some boys that are living there. The kicker...the home they need built, is 2000 sq ft, and it will cost them$40,000 to build it, the well for clean water, sewer and electric. Here is some perspective...there will be 14 boys that move into this home and it will home several more as needed, and they will build up. Our home is over 2000 sq ft and we have 4 people living in it. *Mind Blown* and how self serving can I be? here I live in a home that is considered modest to some, a mansion to others. Its warm, clean (well for the most part), clean water, food lots and lots of food, and stuff. It is really hard to sit in my home with more than most of the world could dream of and think about going out and buying more stuff to celebrate the birth of our savior....


Christmas isn't sitting the same as it has in the past and I'm thankful for that. I don't want to be status quo, I don't want to be normal and I don't to raise our boys to be ungrateful or entitled, I want to raise them to be mighty warriors, with a passion to change the world and make it better. I'm really looking forward to celebrating Thanksgiving and just being with my family and being grateful for the abundance that we are blessed with. May it be used and transformed as God's will may have it. May we see the ways we can use these blessings of abundance to impact the world around us. Help us be good stewards. Help us teach our boys to be content by us first being content...


This is something we are working through, praying through, its new and I challenge you to join us.




Philippians 4:10-12
Thanks for Their Gifts
I rejoiced greatly in the Lord that at last you renewed your concern for me. indeed, you were concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it. I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty, I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or want.


1 Timothy 6
All who are under the yoke of slavery should consider their masters worthy of full respect, so that God's name and our teaching may not be slandered. Those who have believing masters should not show them disrespect just because they are fellow believers. Instead, they should serve them even better because their masters are dear to them as fellow believers and are devoted to the welfare of their slaves.
These are the things you are to teach and insist on. If anyone teaches otherwise and does not agree to the sound instruction of our Lord Jesus Christ and to godly teaching, they are conceited and understand nothing. They have an unhealthy interest in controversies and quarrels about words that result in envy, strife, malicious talk, evil suspicions and constant friction between people of corrupt mind, who have been robbed of the truth and who think that godliness is a means to financial gain.
But godliness with contentment is a great gain. For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that. Those who want to get rich fall into temptation and a trap and into many foolish and harmful desires that plunge people into ruin and destruction. For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many greifs.
But you, man of God, flee from all of this, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance and gentleness. Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called when you made your good confession in the presence of many witnesses. In the sight of God, who gives life to everything, and of Christ Jesus, who while testifying before Pontius Pilate made the good confession, I charge you to keep this command without spot or blame until the appearing of our Lord Jesus Christ, which God will bring about in his own time -- God, the blessed and only Ruler, the King of kings and Lord of lords, who alone is immortal and who lives in unapproachable light, who no one has seen or can see. To him be honor and might forever.
Amen
Command those who are rich in this present world not to arrogant nor to put their hope in wealth, which is so uncertain, but to put their hope in God, who richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment. Command them to do good, to be rich in good deeds, and to be generous and willing to share. In this way they will lay up treasure for themselves as a firm foundation for the coming age, so that they may take hold of the life that is truly life.
Timothy, guard what has been entrusted to your care. Turn away from godless chatter and the opposing ideas of what is falsely called knowledge, which some have professed and in so doing have departed from the faith.
Grace be with you all


until we meet again!

I forget so easily sometimes

Good Morning friends, hope your November is off to a great start. Ours has been a blur, in the busy crazy times when life is just moving forward while you are trying to process life, its hard to move forward at the pace of the world around you. In some ways it feels like the hubs mission trip was months ago, yet it was just two weeks, these last four weeks...one word wow.


I didn't know what to expect when he arrived back home Wednesday October 29, I was just excited to have my partner in crime home. I don't think either one of us thought it would take a week and a half to get on a similar place, to connect, to get back to our new normal.


Life gets crazy so fast and you often forget how fast it goes until you want it to slow down. This is where I so often and so easily loose sight of the one who is fighting for me. I get distracted, and the enemy is so good as deception. When the world is flying by and all you want is those long chats with your friends at the coffee shop, or in your homes for dinner, I feel alone, isolated, overwhelmed, and unwanted or worse un-necessary. I get there so fast. Although I'm surprised it didn't happen a lot faster...considering. Once I'm there man I get depressed and check out even more...and so often long before I realize it.


I can sense it happening, things don't feel right, but I feel stuck. This time... I felt like I just needed my man to fight for me to have enough energy to connect with me and pursue me, I just couldn't find the words, how can he do those things without me telling him I need that?? Why do I get HERE?? Its so frustrating...Then last night it hit me, I have a savior, my Jesus, that is constantly fighting for me, the greatest thing, he knows when I need it, I need to work on turning to him as soon as I feel that change.


Friends our Jesus is out there fighting constantly for us, dancing over us, and interceding for us. How amazing?? Sometimes he calls us to join him in battle, other times he just wants us prepared for battle to remember daily to fully put on our battle armor to guard our hearts and heads from enemy attacks. Be ready friends but most importantly NEVER EVER forget that he is fighting for you and one of the greatest things he's won, its already been determined, He is the over all victor. Stand strong, look forward in the darkness that comes on so fast with the deceit, and the loneliness, focus on the light, seek it out. Its always worth seeking out, there is only hope, peace, grace, mercy, joy and love there. Oh how sweet, and beautiful. Your prince, your big daddy God is fighting for you and he cant loose and your worth that battle. When He engaged in battle with the enemy He deemed all of us worth fighting for.

Ephesians 6:10-13, The Message

God is strong and he wants you strong. So take everything the Master has set out for you, well-made weapons of the best materials. And put them to use so you will be able to stand up to everything the Devil throws your way. This is no afternoon athletic contest that we'll walk  away from and forget about in a couple of hours. This is for keeps, a life-or-death fight to the finish against the Devil and all his angels. Be prepared. You're up against far more than you can handle on your own. Take all the help you can get, every weapon God has issued, so that when it's all over but the shouting you'll still be on your feet.

Deuteronomy 1:30, NIV

The Lord your God, who is going before you, will fight for you, as he did for you in Egypt before your very eyes

Deuteronomy 3:22, NIV

Do not be afraid of them; the Lord your God himself will fight for you

Deuteronomy 20:4 NIV

For the Lord your God is the one who goes with you to fight for you against your enemies to give you victory

Joshua 23:10

One of you routs a thousand, because the Lord your God fights for you, just as he promised

and here is an excerpt from my Beth Moore Children of the Day bible study...

He will never stop fighting for you. He takes every assault on you personally. He goes before you onto every battlefield. He fights for you even when you're fighting yourself. As hated as you are by Satan, you never go head-to-head with him. Jesus does. And Jesus never loses a fight.

 I'm so very thankful for God's word, for his constant reminders of how he not only loves us but how he pursues us, fights for us because of his all surpassing never ending love. If you are struggling like I was seek God and seek others your not alone and you are more than worth the fight! Lots of love and prayers for you brothers and sisters!

*stories from India coming soon...still processing but God is doing great works and he has big plans for us and India and ways for us to help our brothers and sisters on the ground there!! Your prayers are so special and appreciated!! Thanks.





Headed home!

well that went by fast...in some ways...today the team is headed to the airport and will be home tomorrow morning. Pray for safe travels, pray for health, pray that this last part of their trip goes smoothly, customs can be a bear. We are so excited to have them back and hear all the amazing stories. Pray for the team as they process all the things they experienced and saw, pray for them as they prepare sto share this experience with everyone back here at home. Pray that they get rest and are able to acclimate back to life here smoothly, I know most of them have to go back to work on Thursday.

Thank you for your prayers and I look forward to sharing the God stories from this trip with you.

Blessings and love until we meet again!

India Updates

Great News they made it and they are acclimating...well for the most part :) PRAISE they all made it there safely, and with their luggage!! "Today-Thursday", its currently Thursday morning around 8 am there now,  is their first ministry day in an orphanage, they will be heading out in just a few short hours. To share the Light of the World with these precious people. Pray for rest and restoration. They are tired and they aren't adjusting well to the new sleep schedules. I'm thankful that I've been able to Skype with my hubs a couple of times over the last few days.


Today is their official Diwali holiday. Its no mistake that they are in Delhi for this holiday sharing the light of the world with the people of India during their festival of light?! How awesome. Continue to pray for sleep and for them to begin to adjust to the new schedules quickly and that God just give them strength and energy even when they are feeling depleted. Pray for guidance, the right words and boldness. That they are able to reach out in confidence and just love on these people that the Indian society deems as unworthy. That these Indian people will just sense and feel the love of God pouring out and over them...because after all they will know us by our love.


Prayers for the families at home for strength, rejuvenation, rest, peace, and energy. I just feel drained...I miss my hubs but I'm so excited for this incredible opportunity he has. Pray for health and continued health, that little ones will feel better, that tummy bugs will be healed and stop spreading. Praise and Thanks to God for supplying a village for us to raise our children in, for those who come around each of us to build up, encourage, and assist. For people who are able to share needs and have an abundance of prayers, and those to walk beside us.


So thankful for this journey, for all of you. Thank you for your continued prayers and support. I will share more as I know more. All of your prayers are so appreciated. Thanks friends, until we meet again :)

Today is the day off to India

It's hard to believe that just a few short months ago he was asked to join this mission trip and yet today is the day he's getting in the airplane. We are super excited for what God has in store for him and how God is going to use him and this amazing team in India. This is such a new season in our lives I'm not 100% sure how I am supposed to feel...this is probably why I am awake at 5 am...

The bags are packed with all we can think he will need over the next 10 days. The car is loaded and ready to go, but we are thankful for a few more hours of family time this morning because man we are going to miss him so very much.

I know there are lots of prayers being said this morning and throughout today for this team and all the beautiful people in India and on their flights that they will bump elbows with. We are praying today for smooth travels that God will pave their way, praying that when they arrive in Dubai tomorrow all their luggage will be there, that customs and security will go well. That they will all get rest, that jet lag will be minimal if at all as it could be brutal from such long flights, that they will be able to stretch their legs and won't feel too antsy. Pray also that everything works out for the leader of this trip to make it there by Friday, that everything will work out according to Gods will. That if for some reason he doesnt make it that those responsibilities will fall evenly, lightly over those that can and are willing to lead, let them have peace and know that God's got this and he will equip them accordingly.

Pray for the families as they say goodbye to their loved ones and either this morning before work or at the airport, pray for the transition for those with young children, that life can be just distracting enough but that God will burden our hearts accordingly to pray for them as they need it. Pray that all things work out to communicate with their loved ones because although it will be difficult for those on the home front it will also be difficult for those on mission. Praying for strength and peace for all, because we know that God has great and powerful things ahead for this team.

I'll do my best to update you this week about how the trip is going, give you a glimpse of the things God is doing through these workers, and how he is working here at home. I'll also update you on prayer requests :) thanks friends many many blessings to all of you. May you follow the nudging and calling that God lays upon your heart no matter how scary or uncertain, because there is some beautiful miracles and blessings that come from that faithfulness and obedience.

*sorry for any misspelled words or misplaced words typing this on a mobile device has proven to be challenging...and it is 5 am 😳😊

7 days

There are only 7 days until this awesome group heads to India, we are anxious and excited, almost packed. All awaiting the flight that will take them there. Its hard to believe we are in the single digits. Prayers for preparations, for their team meeting tonight. prayers that as the days draw ever closer to departure, we can all focus on God and his plans and not on the distractions of the enemy. May God draw families closer, may the time together be sweeter and cherished. May any dissension that comes up be put to rest. May they accomplish everything they need to before they head out on their mission trip. Pray that light will be shown on schemes that the enemy throws at each member and their families, pray for strength, wisdom and discernment. Pray for peace, guidance, that they each may feel God daily as they prepare.


Pray for those that each team member will come in contact with while they are there. Pray that God will prepare their hearts and pave the way.


Thanks friends. Your prayers are felt and appreciated. God is working in such great and awesome ways in each of our lives and we look forward to looking back on all that has happened and what all will come from this trip :) May God bless you and keep you. May you feel him daily and know that he has gone before you.

10 days...

When we were first approached about Daniel going to India it felt so far away but now look...only 10 more days?! The day pack is on its way, in search of a voltage converter, he has enough clothes, the money is raised, God continues to pave the way for him to go, we are slowly gathering snacks and the random other things we need. It blows my mind that it is so close, I have a feeling this knot in my stomach is here to stay for the next 29 days. So much lies ahead, my mind just cannot fathom.


Pray for the mission team and their families as they continue to gather and prepare for their trip. That God will renew their peace, that there will be reassurance, comfort and that the schemes of the enemy will fall upon deaf ears, that each person will recognize these distractions and call upon God. Pray that the time will be multiplied, that God will just continue to work in us and help us remember that he is ever present.


Psalm 16
Keep me safe, my God, for in you I take refuge
I say to the Lord, "You are my Lord; apart from you I have no good thing."
I say of the holy people who are in the land, "They are the noble ones in whom is all my delight."
Those who run after other gods will suffer more and more. I will not pour out libations of blood to such gods or take up their names on my lips.
Lord, you alone are my portion and my cup; you make my lot secure.
The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance.
I will praise the Lord, who counsels me; even at night my heart instructs me.
I keep my eyes always on the Lord. With him at my right hand I will not be shaken.
Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body will rest secure,
because you will not abandon me to the realm of the dead, nor will you let your faithful one see decay.
You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.


 until we meet again...blessings and prayers brothers and sisters!

Praying for India

Hi friends I pray this finds you doing well, it has been a crazy several weeks here as we have been praying and preparing for India. I mean at this point we cannot get India off our minds. Most of the time its overwhelming...other times...well actually its just overwhelming. Its always there, I can barely fathom what my hubby will experience in just 12 days when he arrives in Delhi. I pray for that. I've been praying for him and the rest of his team, for all the people in Delhi that they will bump elbows with, for the things that each of them will experience, for the obstacles that will arise, that each time something becomes a barrier we can turn that over to God.


Join me in praying for them. For us at home keeping up the day to day that we have strength and discernment, so that when they need it we can lift them up. I pray that they are on our hearts, that we know when to go before God on their behalf.


I cant imagine what lies ahead this afternoon let alone have any clue what stands before us in the coming 3 weeks but one thing that God keeps showing us over and over and over...he does. The best part we wont walk it alone. We never walk alone (Never Once https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n1bXG4WIesA)


Please join me in praying, for india, for peace, for guidance, for safety. that's all I have for you today friends...I'm going to try to post everyday in the next few weeks to update you on prayer requests, praises. After the trip I'll compile a post (or a few) to share with you all the ways God has worked through this mission trip! Until we meet again


Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer Romans 12:12


Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain                    1 Corinthians 15:58

I rest in you....alone

Good evening friends and fellow Jesus people...I hope this finds you in a good place, one that despite the circumstances you find joy and peace that's my prayer for you today and always. As I sit here to write this blog that was pressed on my heart this afternoon, eating popcorn inspired by one of my best friends, in our quiet(ish) home, my boys (all three of them) are having a "campout" "guys only" night in the kids bedroom, worship music playing and it smells like chocolate cookies. This to me spells joy and peace...so much peace...


I'm writing to let you know its still a struggle daily but I'm still reminded DAILY where I need to rest, where I need to check the anxiety in and let it go. My Jesus, is simply incredible, he draws us near, holds us close and reassures us. Over the last month or so as India draws closer, the anxiety raises, questions flying a million miles an hour through my brain, doubts, wonder, awe, amazement all married together in the beautiful mess that is life. Will the money all come in that we need? Are we doing enough? how in the world am I going to survive with just me and the boys for 10 days....10 days without daddy?? <-- that's the kicker right now....


Here's the thing I'm in such a better place than I have been the anxiety, fear and worry aren't as suffocating as they were. Its still very present, its still a battle...however here is the beautiful part of that...my Jesus knew this season was coming and he arranged things to take my focus off of that and on to the things I love in life...the two big ones music and baking...this friends is where I meet my Jesus where I connect with him. The great thing about that is, is before we ever knew or thought about Daniel going to India, I told my friend I would help her raise money by doing a bake sale, because I love baking and God has really blessed me with that talent. So every week I have time with my friend, my Jesus, my music, baking, praying over each thing we make for each and every person because it brings us one step closer to the end goal.


Today my friend and I got together and were talking about her run this morning, I asked her how her 18 mile training run went. "Amazing" she said. --OK I don't know about you but that sounds crazy right?! I don't really like driving 18 miles let alone running them BUT she's been bitten by the same marathon bug as my hubs so alas I get it-- She was telling me about how because of her group runs she had stopped listening to her music as she ran. She had been really struggling with her long runs and even battling a little cold in the midst of training, which is very typical, she wasn't feeling the same peace, the same "lightness" when she was running as she once had. So this morning she decided to run with her music on and in just one ear. As she was running she was able to hold her head up high, relax her shoulders and just enjoy the run. Oceans (where my feet may fall) by hillsong came on close to the end of her run and she and three of her run buddies were able to connect over that song and over the songs that followed.


Last week after her run, it hit her hard she was struggling, it took her out...this week you would have never guessed she ran 18 miles. I may be assuming too much here but this really touched my spirit as she was telling me because we figured it out...and man its a DUH moment for me...so many times in the bible he calls us to rest in him, to turn over our burdens, to cast away our anxiety and to TRUST him so many times I loose sight of that simple truth and find myself drowning.


Over the last week or so I've been trying to stay ever present in the moment to praise him for the many blessings I have every single day. To thank him, to seek him, and keep him ever present in my thoughts. To turn to him when I'm struggling instead of just staying in my self misery.


So be encouraged friends. Find the thing in your life that you feel draws you the closest to God and just rest and LIVE right there, strive to live there. Oh man, its hard to describe, beautiful chaos, is what comes to mind, because he's transforming Angela's chaos...he's meeting me here where I'm at and drawing me ever closer and growing the areas I need to grow in.


Psalm 91:1-2
Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, "He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust."


Hebrews 10:35-36
So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised


Romans 8:26
In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans


Romans 15:13
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.


until we meet again...seek him for your hope, peace and joy! Let us rest in him alone!!

Hand Me Down Shoes...

It is so amazing how much I learn from our boys about faith, joy and how we should live life...they find joy in the simple things like running in the rain, new shoes or clothes, playing with friends, just being with those they love and adore.


The things I often take for granted...you see I often look around and instead of gratitude I feel overwhelmed...I often dream of giving away everything and the freedom that would come with that. This week as I was going through the boys things to see what they need for fall/winter (or in texas what we call a slightly cooler version of summer) I noticed that J's shoes were getting REALLY hard to put on...to find out that he outgrew them. That evening we went to a friends house where we were talking about how fast they outgrow things...She told me she had a pair of shoes we could have for him, the shoes are well loved...like most "hand me downs" from little boys...lets be real if there aren't holes did they ever really wear them?! I took them with gratitude thinking these will work for a little bit...as we got around the next morning J saw them. Let me tell you what...he could not contain his excitement about his NEW shoes.


Be still my heart...


Life with this boy has not been easy over the last few months...I mean he's four, and he wants to be independent, right and rule the world...without full understanding what that all entails :) Man the spirit in that boy...he's going to be a world changer...watch out...


But oh my goodness...gratitude and just pure joy...he LOVES these shoes he couldn't be prouder, he just loves wearing them. So much so that we have to take them away when hes not listening :)


As you all know I'm a worrier, I carry burdens I'm not intended too, I worry senselessly and often find out it was all unwarranted. As big of a battle this is with our sweet J...wow I get now why Jesus wanted the little children to come to him. The purity in their prayers, the willingness to turn to God with faith, to sing praises to God when they are uncertain. Witnessing this does this mommas heart good. I often wonder if I'm doing a good job and if this stay at home mom stuff is important...then they surprise me. God hears my hearts cry to just see a glimpse of hope...and I do...today he got some hand me down socks....


He CANNOT wait to wear them :)


Geez friends lets find joy in the hand me downs...in the mundane, the everyday, the things that we so often look down upon...they are still AMAZING gifts and I'm grateful not only for the shoes and socks but for the lesson that J has taught me through it. Praying that we all have a child like faith and joy... until we meet again!

The Enemy Has been Defeated

Hi friends...I set out this morning to write this blog in a good place...its amazing how fast life can throw you curve balls. Attempts at distracting, drawing our attention away from the stuff that is important. Sadly they almost always work they send me reeling often spinning out of control wondering what is going on...only to find that fell for it again. Geez its frustrating and why cant I learn. Its a constant struggle to remind myself to daily put on the full armor of God to seek him first and draw close to him so that the time spent reeling is less. So that I'm not spinning out for long periods of time. we are called to pray without ceasing... I have found that when I start feeling like I'm drowning in the size of my worries, the anxiety that is weighing on my spirit, the negative thoughts that keep playing on repeat in my head.


I drown it all out...I do the things that bring me joy and center me. I turn to those in my life that can tell me the lies aren't true and remind me that I'm letting the enemy have control where he isn't allowed control. I turn to the word and search for those versus that my spirit needs to hear to be reminded to rest in the Holy Spirit and just trust.


In times that require great faith...or even just a little faith. I am quickly reminded of the spiritual battles going on around us, because I'm now engaging in it, I have chosen a side and that scares Satan because once we are called to move forward from waiting he knows his time is limited and he wants us stopped.


In the midst of the battle I'm often blindsided by the attacks, I so often forget to wake up each morning and put on the full armor of God


Ephesians 6:10-20


Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.
And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep praying for all the Lords people. Pray also for me, that whenever I speak, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly, as I should.


Everyday...in the morning when I rise this should be my prayer, my habits so that I am ready because we are engaging in the same battle Paul is talking about here in Ephesians.


You want to know something....a little secret maybe
every time I have sat down to write this I have this almost overwhelming sense of anxiety...it has been easy to be distracted or get stuck the words wouldn't flow...which tells me you need to hear this as much as I do...Friends its such a real battle that we so often forget we are fighting in.


We need to stand strong! We need to stand firm and we need to be prepared!

Pray about everything, if you are in constant communication with God you will know when to react and move forward even if it feels debilitating. Its possible to move forward in fear even when it feels paralyzing because we have something so much stronger than fear on our side!!


Take heart brothers and sisters, stand firm, and pray without ceasing, seek God and embrace his peace that is there, don't let the ploys of the enemy distract us or defeat us any longer.


Philippians 4


Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything: tell God your needs and don't forget to thank him for his answers. If you do this you will experience God's peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand. His peace will keep your thoughts and your hearts quiet and at rest as you trust in Christ Jesus.


Oh his peace...is so sweet...


We are all in this together. I'm praying for you and your battles. Lets join together and pray for each other as this battle is tough and one that is above our understanding.


Peace be with you until we meet again!!


Deuteronomy 28:7


The Lord will grand that enemies who rise up against you will be defeated before you. They will come at you from one direction but flee from you in seven.

Steal, Kill and Destroy

I began this post several days ago and just couldn't get past a certain point once you reach the end that reason will probably be apparent...but after reading a post on facebook from a friend whose life looks a lot like ours right now I felt an urgency to share...


As you may have guessed by the last few blog there is a lot going on in our lives some of it not so pretty in fact most of it not pretty but there have been some pretty amazing things going on behind the scenes that I allowed my self miss. You see we made a huge commitment just a few short weeks ago and I have mentioned the peace I felt about that decision. Then when it came time to actually commit and sign up to send my hubby to India...oh man the stuff that happened as a result of that commitment.... Since then I have wallowed, our boys hit pre-adolescence, you know the whole I know more than you and better than you, not listening, ornery oh man especially that one. It's been rough for about a month but a whole lot worse since this commitment. Hubby's job has been great, super busy, but so many problems that he has had to fix or adjust. Not to mention my anxiety levels, as well as our youngest got a viral rash, thankfully not contagious, but it could last 2 months. Things have been about 10x harder...almost like we are swimming up stream everything just flying at you at a hundred miles an hour...


I wallowed there for a while especially when C came down with this rash that we had no idea what it was or how to make him feel better...it just felt dark, heavy, hard, and at times almost unbearable, very lonely, a very very tough time.


Then it hit me WHY I was feeling this way and WHY my friends who are also going to India are feeling much the same way. My "lightbub" moment you might say. While I sat there wallowing I let the enemy steal my joy, peace, strength...I allowed it my reaction to the situation wasn't to turn to the one I solely depend on for my joy I tried to muster it up, pull myself up from my bootstraps but I can't...I don't have the strength or the ability to pull myself out of that place.


It was sometime early early in the morning when my brain woke up and I thought of that verse, "The thief that comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. John 10:10 "  ...


so then I decided to fight this battle head on the enemy has no right to steal these things away from me. GOD through Jesus paid the ultimate price so that I have him to lean on and draw my strength from. So much better than my limited resources...am I right?!


Don't get stuck there...it's so hard, dark, lonely, depressing, heavy there. Its a burden we aren't called to carry alone...


every time I began dwelling this week I would remind myself of the promises of God, it helps me refocus and let go...which is really hard for me to do. the first verse that came to me was out of Matthew 11:28-30
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."


Then I kept repeating cast all your anxiety on him...praying every time I fell into the temptation to wallow and rest where I was and I noticed a difference although it has still been hard we have had some answers and the best thing we haven't been carrying the burden alone. I started working with the boys on versus every day teaching them to call on God's word, praying over them teaching them the value of self control, and all good things in God's word. Its been a battle the great thing about it I'm not alone...We are not alone...You are not alone.


With God all things are possible call on him out of desperation and he will meet you there, with loving gentle caring arms and reassure you that it will all be ok and that the battle in the end will be worth it. Don't stay or dwell in the dark too long its suffocating and it isn't worth it...your savior doesn't want you to do this alone.


Praying for you my friends...Gods got this...He's got you...


I leave you with my favorite Hillsong United Song Oceans oh it touches my soul so deep right now :)


when oceans rise my soul will rest in your embrace for I am yours and you are mine
 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1m_sWJQm2fs

Swimming

I think one of the hardest things about being a parent is trusting they are truly ready and its time to let go and let them. It is in these moments I feel as though my heart just stops, along with breathing, all bodily functions cease, because I’m amazed at my child. This little boy…who was born yesterday right?! Is big enough to do these things, and its soooo hard for this momma to believe, how is it possible?!

Today he went to “big” church with us for the first time in years and he was so excited. He loved it. He was great at it. J is four…four. Four years ago today he was a little over 3 months old and OH MY GOODNESS the sweetest baby, he went to big church with us when he was oh so little and worshipped with us. It was surreal today, in some ways it was just like four years ago  in other ways so different.

Where has time gone?! Somehow by the grace of God he’s turning into such an incredible young man…who will start home school preschool tomorrow. In some ways I want time to just stop so I can just hold him, love him, and breathe in who he is right now. Four so far has had challenges but man he’s so fun and independent.

He loves to color, run, ride his bike (with his helmet of course), playing with friends, food/cooking, his favorite color is green, he loves taking pictures and videos. He’s strong, bold, loving, and sensitive, this boy has a heart for all people, he’s passionate. He still has his favorite orange and blue dump truck from his first birthday that he races with his brother. His favorite thing this summer swimming…be still my heart.

He has always enjoyed playing in the pool but this summer he learned to swim. I’m still not 100% sure how but he decided one day a month or so ago that he wanted to “sink” without his floatie, I figured it would be short lived boy was I wrong. From sinking and bouncing back up…to swimming. He did it on his own. This boy spoils me in so many ways… J can literally do ANYTHING he puts his mind to. My heart still stops a little every time he jumps into the pool and swims oh so effortlessly to the stairs.

Oh how God equips us to love these boys and cheer them on…I don’t know how I would do it without him and my continuous life line of prayer. Whether its safe travels to and from errands, or safety as we swim and try new things, to discernment to know how to mother these gifts. He is my strength on the many stressful, overwhelming days, my comfort.

Motherhood has opened my eyes to unconditional love in ways that are inconceivable, how is it possible to love someone so deeply it hurts, that in an instant you would choose to die for them, I choose them…oh man I’m thankful for them and broken by them. As frustrating and trying as they can be, even when the days are weeks long, and I wonder why I couldn’t wait to have children….I wouldn’t change it for the world.

I love the Lord, for he heard my voice; he heard my cry for mercy. Because he turned his ear to me, I will call on him as long as I live.Psalm 116:1-2 NIV

Start children off on the way they should go,
    and even when they are old they will not turn from it.

Proverbs 22:6

Overwhelmed...

...warning...this blog may be a mess but life has been and is a mess this week, its where we are, its where life is...enjoy take heart and comfort :)


Those of you that know me know that this is a state I frequent a lot...Overwhelmed. I teeter between overwhelmed and peace...you see that's my pendulum. Its one or the other and as of lately the overwhelmed portion of my pendulum is stronger than peace. That results in anxiety, worry, depression and a burden on those around me that they shouldn't have to carry. The thing I often forget to do is turn to the one person that has promised to not only take this anxiety, overwhelmed, tired, depressed momma and replace ALL of that with peace, joy and love that surpasses all understanding.


Last week I had peace...last week 12 days ago in Sunday School when my husband mentioned that someone had asked to him to think and pray about going to India for a 10 day mission trip. I had peace and a plan. About as soon as it was mentioned that was in my spirit...I thought that was odd but very cool. As he wrestled with God about the decision...I had peace...again weird but ok. When he told me his decision and his final confirmation...yep you guessed it peace.


Then it came...Overwhelmed...Anxiety...Uncertainty.


There is something I often forget in this Christian walk, when you know beyond a doubt your supposed to do something and you commit. You become a target, to get thrown off track, to doubt, question what you were really supposed to do.


So Monday morning...here comes my burden... that knot in my stomach like stuff was about to hit the fan. Sure enough it did. Our boys have been crazy, ornery, defiant, horrible listeners, itchy two year old... it wasn't even after noon when the thought hit me..."How in the world am I supposed to take care of and be with these boys for 10 days?! without my husband..." cue, panic, worry, anxiety, coupled with bouts of depression....I'm a mess ya'll and now the world knows :)....I prayed calmed myself down and tried to move forward needless to say Monday ended but Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday followed along with the chaos that was this week. Talk about doubt about our decision. When I finally found myself back on track yesterday around 3:30 in the afternoon...it hit me..."what do you expect when you follow my plan?" I call my hubby on the way to target, I almost lost it several times during our five minute phone call...because these sweet boys are just exhausting and draining this week....especially when he said, "we got this, we are going to make it through this." <-- there it is we got this...cue our convo that very morning about how we would make it because of HE who gives us strength. "Light bulb" Angela you have been carrying too much this week, a burden that isn't yours to carry, leaning on people who don't deserve that and that don't even realize I'm putting that on them.


This week has required TONS of desperate prayer, caffeine, a little bit of sugar, lots of water, and more out of me than I often know that I have. I don't know what the future holds exactly but there will fundraising, a trip to the airport, baking, lots of baking, preparations for a trip, LOTS of prayer for India as well as our Birthday Blessing ministry that a friend and I are partnering in....life is crazy beautiful right now...sometimes more crazy than anything but hey that's life right?!


I was reminded yesterday afternoon that I'm not in this alone. My Savior paid the debt and took my burden on himself there is no reason for me to carry it...he is walking right beside me longing for me to let it go and let him carry it and help me through these times. I just need to remember that.


let this be a reminder that your not alone and that burden your carrying isn't yours to carry.


Do not fear for I am with you, do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you: I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10


Search me oh God and know my heart, test me and know my anxious thoughts see if there is any offensive way in me and lead me in the way everlasting Psalm 139:23-24


In all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us Romans 8:37


Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior who daily bears our burdens Psalm 69:19


You are my refuge and my shield, I have put my hope in your word Psalm 119:114


I can do all things through him who gives me strength Philippians 4:13


Go in peace...until next time

I Deserve it....

You deserve it.....
how many times a day do you hear that? you deserve new furniture, more food or your food made exactly the way you want it...and don't forget fast. no need to wait or even use that one room in the house?! I deserve my house, my car(s), cabinets full of food, a room full of toys for my children, oh when you mention children, healthy, happy, growing, and obedient; great neighbors, good schools, caring family, a job, at least one tv, a refrigerator, 3+ sinks, a backyard, a garage, a computer, cable, internet, a good church, great friends, clothes, a walk in closet to hold those clothes...ok I think you get it. Over the past few months its been blatantly obvious how abundant my life here is and it is because I was born in the United States....sure there is homeless, hungry, struggling people within a one mile radius of my house but I can still avoid it if I choose to.


Marketers have some how convinced us that these things are privileges things we are owed. Whether we see it on billboards on the way to the store, or at night when we are watching TV and we have seen commercials about having "more, more, more" at least 20 times in a one hour show. Its no wonder our homes are full of stuff and when we can its new or fresh because that's the best...I mean after all we deserve it. right?! What about all those people around the world who don't even have clean water. clean water now that is a basic human right, but most people don't have it...780 million people worldwide lack access to clean water...that's 1 in 9 people...get this I know more than 9 people that have clean water...its so easy to forget this simple yet crucial resource that I have in abundance.


As I was standing in my climate controlled kitchen making dinner with a fresh tomato, and bell pepper that I had the privilege of running to the grocery store last night to just because we wanted some pasta salad. I thought about my friends at the life shelter who have children that they can't provide for. They don't get the fresh food that I have the luxury of keeping in stock in my fridge. My boys LOVE fresh fruits and veggies. These parents despite their deep desire to provide that can't. Don't they deserve to be able to go to the store and buy fruit, fresh fruit, and vegetables and store them in their fridge at home, a place where they can always return to at the end of the day?! These parents, these people just want to provide or have that safe place to call theirs. Don't we all deserve that?!


If it was a perfect world yes, if we were still in Eden, yes, but the truth is...


We don't deserve it...we don't deserve...anything but death.


In Romans it tells us that the wages or the cost of my sin of just me living/being born is death. So that is what I deserve...that is what we all deserve. It doesn't matter how good of a person you are, what you do for a living, the color of your skin, where you were born or who you were born to. We are all born sinners...


pretty sad huh...the great thing is our story doesn't end there. Because of Jesus we get so much more than we deserve. That is why we MUST go out and make a difference, that's why we cannot avoid those who are down and out. My heart breaks for them. yes, I'm sure they have made bad choices, addictions etc. but haven't we all?! Sure if you know my story my addictions are shopping, caffeine and sugar...they wont kill me, they wont really even hurt me, but we all have struggles. That's what makes us human.


we are called to love one another, go sit, eat, serve those close to you, that are down and out. They are just like you


1 Corinthians 13: 3-8


If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.
Love is patient, love is kind. it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. it does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. it always protects , always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.


John 3:16
For God so loved the world that he gave his only son that who so ever believes in him shall have eternal life.


Romans 6:23
For the wages of sin is death but the GIFT of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord


As some friends and I go forth in our Jesus story and reach out to those in our community in some pretty awesome ways, that God is opening up (some pretty awesome God Stories to come) Please pray that we contact those we are supposed to and that God will continue to open doors and bless this ministry that he has called us to! I cannot wait to share it with you. Go in peace, love and hope that in Jesus we don't get what we deserve because who really wants what we actually deserve?

Holding On

As most of you know we have two little boys, man these boys amaze me. How can they be growing so quickly? They change in some way every day. Some days are fun, spent getting dirty, exploring, riding bicycles, learning just being kids. Other days are not so fun, they are the every day the mundane the life in the middle on the way to the mountain tops or valleys. Regardless each day is a gift, each day is a day we will never see again and it’s a new chance to be their mom. Those days are often the hardest but there always seems to be a greater purpose at the end.

These two sweet boys are now 4 and 2, they are outgoing, adventurous, strong, bold, fearless, hungry, dirty, all out. So when one of them has a toy that is “theirs” for that day if they see the other has it…let’s just say you better watch out…Well this morning our youngest got a hold of big brothers car, he hadn’t seen it in months but we found it a few days ago in the couch so now it belongs to HIM!! For the first little bit big brother didn’t notice (SCORE: little brother winJ) then big brother noticed…oh man. You can just imagine the fit that followed that realization. That fit lead to hyperventilating, loud crying, the crying you can’t really get away from that only gets worse as they grow, throwing pretty much anything in the near vicinity, running, chasing trying to get THAT car back. Life as we know it cannot move forward until THAT car is back in his hands. So like any good parent, I tried to just move forward, finish getting ready, working around the fit and just more or less letting it take its course. I mean how long can this really go on…it is just a car?! Little did I know, it could last a while, it lasted through changing clothes, loading them into the car, and about half way there calm fell over the car…UNTIL little brother started playing with the car again. Cue screaming, hysterical 4 year old.  Driving through that is not easy…so I tried appealing to our youngest. I turned back and (quickly) asked, “Please, share that car with your big brother.” He did it. He shared!!!! Sigh of relief…didn’t see it coming but I’m thankful he was just as annoyed with the fit as I was. Then it hit me…it’s all about letting go.

At some point in life there are times when we need to hold on to things tightly, other times we need to just let go. The longer he held on to the car the longer the fit would go on. You see some things are meant to be held on to and it will end well, some things aren’t. The longer we hold on the deeper the hurt, the deeper the wound, the deeper we get in. You see it seems harmless, after all it’s just a car and he will eventually move on right?! True, but is that car worth that friendship, relationship? My guess is no, typically it’s not.

Deep down I think our little boy was just worn down but I also think he knew that his brother wanted that car more than he did. Don’t we all want to meet the needs of those we love? We want to help them out and speak to those deepest desires that say we love you and we would give up THAT toy for you, you are worth more than any one thing.

Choosing the greater good, letting go, moving forward, that’s where we find love, unity, and others who are there beside us. You see we are bound together and more often than not we hold on to things that come between us. I don’t think we always see it like that though. I’m pretty sure we see the thing we are holding on to of upmost importance, we don’t see the cost of that, so we don’t see the value of letting it go. Standing on one side of holding on, I see the value of letting go. Trust me it’s worth it. Not only is the peace and quiet worth it, the company, the companionship, love, unity, joy.

Yes it is always worth letting go, especially in the right time, yes it is very hard to know when to hold on and when to let go. Lots of prayer, support and love, will get you through it and you will see how wonderful and freeing it is to let go. I know it feels like you need to hold on, what price are you paying to hold on? Stress? Strained relationships?

On the flip side when the time is right its worth holding on. You see this is a weird balance. Holding on is needed sometimes. Hope is worth holding on to no matter what.

You see those two boys in the backseat; in this tiny seemingly meaningless argument learned something. They learned that it is better to let go some times. They learned that they are supposed to value the other person more than an object. They learned that they are responsible for the decisions they make. They learned that their decision to hold on to something impacts other people (often more than you realize). They learn so much every day especially on those normal days. That’s why those rough, mundane, seemingly long days are worth it, so worth it. I want them to learn now; I love them too much to wait until they will choose something that will cost a lot more than the loss of a toy car and some tears. They deserve that.

What will you choose today? Do you need to hold on a little more even though you’re tired of the battle? Do you need to let go and let healing, love, joy, peace come through? You can’t have one without the other.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

There is a time for everything,
    and a season for every activity under the heavens:

²     a time to be born and a time to die,
    a time to plant and a time to uproot,
³     a time to kill and a time to heal,
    a time to tear down and a time to build,
⁴     a time to weep and a time to laugh,
    a time to mourn and a time to dance,
⁵     a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
    a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
⁶     a time to search and a time to give up,
    a time to keep and a time to throw away,
⁷     a time to tear and a time to mend,
    a time to be silent and a time to speak,
⁸     a time to love and a time to hate,
    a time for war and a time for peace.

 

the two become one flesh

I’ve had the idea to write about our marriage a few times and just couldn’t get past a certain point…I get stuck sometimes…writers block or maybe just two boys who need extra attention or it’s just not the right time to write about it.

However today/this week my hubby has been on my heart. You see he is one of the strongest men I know nothing really gets him down. If you know him, you know he has a super positive outlook on life he, he loves summer, he loves food, he loves running but most of all he loves his family, he takes time after his early morning runs to read his bible and lift us up  in prayer. I love and respect this man with all my heart.

You see when I was growing up I always imagined growing up, getting married and having a family. That was my dream; sure I wanted to be a dancer or ice skater or musician, but most of all I desired to be a wife and mom. I prayed for that and longed for that. One of my earliest memories of my dad was him saying “no boys until after college” and one of their earliest stories of my sister and I is me telling her the same thing. (little secret…it didn’t work…my dad knew his little girl really well)

As I got older I heard that mantra several times, and didn’t like it most days, I mean hello. You could say it was my deepest desire. I had lots of crushes, a couple boyfriends, but I did try to stay away from boys because it was important to put God first, figure out what his plan for me was and be independent. As I graduated from high school and headed to college, I knew I would find the man of my dreams there. (another thing about my parents was they always strived to raise us to be adults, my favorite company was those older than me, you could have deep conversations with them. I preferred adults to my peers my age) So when I met Daniel we talked, and talked. We really got to know each other, we had a blast just being in each other’s presence. We would have great deep conversations, and as we did we got closer and closer. It felt right in so many ways, he encouraged me to be me, and he helped me in school. I knew he was the man of my dreams, I felt it in my heart of hearts. You know that peace that surpasses all understanding, it was right there in the middle of it all.

….

It all happened really fast, I had a mentor in high school who told us that when you met the person you were meant to be with, “you just know, it feels right.” In the midst of it all I found that to be true… I just knew. I can tell you now going on 7 years later I love him more today than I ever thought was possible.

Ok don’t get me wrong, there are tough spots, we don’t see eye to eye, life is crazy, sometimes in life we are ships passing in the night, other times are wonderful. There will always be hard times I mean, come one we marry the two are becoming one flesh, it’s a process of becoming one. 6.5 years into our marriage I’m getting more of a glimpse of this concept. I get that feeling deep down that something just isn’t right with him, that’s where I’m called to intercede in prayer for him. There’s those moments when he’s sick and I can “feel” it, my heart breaks for him. The great thing is it goes both ways, I know he’s down in the trenches with me. On days when I’m having a bad day he steps up to the plate and takes over, lets me get out or just have some quiet time. When the house is in a state of disarray he jumps in and helps. We feel deeply for each others’ pain, we have joy for one another when we have a victory, when one hurts the other hurts, we are becoming one flesh.

That’s our calling for our marriages, to be each others’ help mate to hold one another accountable, to build each other up and complement our weaknesses. Embracing one another and not letting us stay the same but grow. Pushing one another to being the best us as possible, that’s why I will always be at the finish line with our boys cheering him on at his marathons, that’s why I will cook him meals to accommodate his running which has helped all of us be healthier. His passions have stretched all of us as do mine. Embrace one another’s strengths, come together to overcome weaknesses; strive to see the positive remember their good qualities, why you married them and why you love them. Let those things overshadow their faults. Be encouraged friends

Genesis 2: 23-25

This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man.

That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife and they become one flesh.

Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.

 

Embracing Butterflies

If there is one thing I’ve learned from being a parent is that life is full of those moments/choices that make us feel uncomfortable. Watching your little one ride their bicycle for the first time… Seeing them push past fears (and yours)… seeing them achieve… seeing them fall/fail… That moment I feel butterflies in my tummy, and depending on the moment my heart stops, sometimes I forget to breathe.  In the end no matter what I’m so proud of them.

These butterflies aren’t anything new, especially for me; I get them over simple things like making a phone call or going to a party or gathering with a lot of people. These butterflies have just become part of life, most of the time they are frustrating. I wish I could just do these things without having to push past that feeling. That constant nagging that something could go wrong…that I could say something wrong and look stupid. However there is a good side to these butterflies, I get butterflies when I’m reuniting with friends after a long time apart, when I’m picking my hubby up from the airport.

These butterflies…oh these butterflies…I’m learning daily how to embrace them. These butterflies often precede something incredible happening, sometimes they are my internal warning system. They are my daily reminder that I have the Holy Spirit. That gentle nudging, to let go, move forward, act, encourage, speak, go, listen. I’ve learned a lot through my life that these butterflies are worth listening to, and more importantly worth embracing. Although I’m not great at embracing them as I feel I should be. I’m afraid of where they will take me.  What boundaries that I have put in place will be pushed?  Is it worth pushing through it? How can I ignore this? Won’t this feeling pass?

Well let me share my most recent experiences with my butterflies…

The first started with an outing with our Sunday school class…our class is awesome. Each month we plan a service Sunday where we as a class and sometimes we are able to even take our families along. Well this last month we chose to serve some people in our community lunch. (A few things about me 1. I love food and I love cooking for others 2. As you probably could assume from above I’m not a confident conversationalist) So I’m all about the food part and serving the second half…ummm not so much…so despite my greatest efforts to skip this service Sunday. Things aligned where there was no excuses left (except for me to flat out say I didn’t want to go) my plans to pick up my friend from the airport switched to the day before, the boys were in great moods. We were meant to be there…I wasn’t comfortable…as Sunday progressed my anxiety levels rose…I prayed for peace, a calming….I had a feeling we were called to go so by the end of it I embraced the butterflies packed up some food and we headed to church. We briefed our boys who were as equally excited about participating as their daddy and we headed out. I’m so socially awkward sometimes…but do you know what?? That doesn’t matter. We weren’t called there for me to engage the community we were serving. Sure maybe I made an impact but I was there to support those who are GREAT at communicating. We are all created equally, we are the body of Christ all working together to further the kingdom. Without a single part of the body functioning as it should, the body isn’t efficient; it’s not fulfilling its purpose. I was reminded about 1 Corinthians 12:12-31 What I learned from embracing these butterflies…God isn’t calling me to be someone I’m not created to be he’s calling me to be me to excel there and trust him in that. He knows when I need to be stretched and I know when he’s stretching me…he won’t blind side me with that. I trust him…he’s well worth your trust.

The second was a road trip. Oh man I was anxious about this trip…I wasn’t sure if it was the good or bad anxiety. After weighing all things we came to the conclusion that I was just over thinking it.SOO despite my greatest reservations our two little boys and I packed up the car and headed to Missouri leaving daddy at home. The plan was for us to drive and him to fly up and meet us when he could get off work. I was afraid of all the what if’s…turns out I have a very vivid imagination…not in a good way. However I decided to embrace it…yes it was messy, it was long, it was crazy but we got an extra 3 days and it was so relaxing. I learned to tell my imagination to chill, to embrace the craziness that is road tripping with two boys under 4 alone, and trust that in the end it would be worth it. You know the less I let myself think and dwell about things and the faster I turn them over…the easier it is.

Sure its getting a tiny bit easier to embrace my butterflies but its hard…I don’t like them most of the time and I’m still running away from some butterflies but that’s another story for another day. The butterflies that are telling you…you’re anxious about stopping by a friend’s house are worth embracing, the butterflies that are pushing your comfort zone in good ways are worth embracing. Whatever, your butterflies embrace them. Get used to that feeling in your gut…embrace it, listen to it, pray about it.

Blessings and Love…Until we meet again

1 Corinthians 12:12-31

Unity and Diversity in the Body

¹² Just as a body, though one, has many parts, but all its many parts form one body, so it is with Christ. ¹³ For we were all baptized by^[c] one Spirit so as to form one body—whether Jews or Gentiles, slave or free—and we were all given the one Spirit to drink. ¹⁴ Even so the body is not made up of one part but of many.

¹⁵ Now if the foot should say, “Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body,” it would not for that reason stop being part of the body. ¹⁶ And if the ear should say, “Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body,” it would not for that reason stop being part of the body. ¹⁷ If the whole body were an eye, where would the sense of hearing be? If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be? ¹⁸ But in fact God has placed the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be. ¹⁹ If they were all one part, where would the body be? ²⁰ As it is, there are many parts, but one body.

²¹ The eye cannot say to the hand, “I don’t need you!” And the head cannot say to the feet, “I don’t need you!” ²² On the contrary, those parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, ²³ and the parts that we think are less honorable we treat with special honor. And the parts that are unpresentable are treated with special modesty, ²⁴ while our presentable parts need no special treatment. But God has put the body together, giving greater honor to the parts that lacked it, ²⁵ so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other. ²⁶ If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it.

²⁷ Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it. ²⁸ And God has placed in the church first of all apostles, second prophets, third teachers, then miracles, then gifts of healing, of helping, of guidance, and of different kinds of tongues. ²⁹ Are all apostles? Are all prophets? Are all teachers? Do all work miracles? ³⁰ Do all have gifts of healing? Do all speak in tongues^[d]? Do all interpret? ³¹ Now eagerly desire the greater gifts.

 

Undone: God's up to something

I honestly just don't know where to start here...although I should figure it out because typing isn't as easy as it should be right now...only 3 days...more on that later. All I know is its been a tough few weeks for various reasons. It all started about 5 to 6 weeks ago when we started a series at church titled planted: in relationships the first one on families. These weeks have also included graduations, both high school and college. While they are in the past I remember them well.


Over the last few years I have felt called to "families" its still vague to me in details and process but I'm open to wherever it leads and what that looks like. However these sermons on relationships caused me to look in places I thought were healed. Things I thought I had dealt with often creep up in new ways. I don't like this process but know its necessary for lots of reasons.


During the recognition of college graduates you could hear each of the families so very excited and proud of their graduate, they couldn't wait until the end to cheer. I love the way our church celebrates families in each phase. They had each and every high school graduate cross the stage while they announced them, their accomplishments, and their plans for the future. This is something they do every year and its our second year to see it however, this year something hit me and it was uncomfortable and a little to close to home. Ok too close to home...while I was so happy for them my heart was sad. All I could think was this (my high school graduation) was the last time they were proud of me, the last accomplishment they would take part in and rejoice with me.


I know its because of some choices I made...these choices lead me to where I am now. I'm married to the man of my dreams with my two little amazing men who are growing up way too fast. I wouldn't change these things for anything...even though I miss them so much and its still such a tender spot...the truth is I want it to stay that way because it connects me with those in the same place as me.


I pray everyday for healing and restoration...this keeps me humble and reliant
this makes me appreciate my relationships and cherish them
the tender spot keeps me real and in touch
it keeps me undone at the feet of my Jesus...longing for what he has in store for my future.


In some ways I want to go back to feeling like I have dealt with all these feelings, emotions, everything because its just easier. However, its not real and feeling the un-doneness reminds me that until heaven I'm a work in progress.


About 10 days ago when our oldest went to slam our backdoor shut while I was outside, I (unsuccessfully) tried to stop it, my right hand went straight through the glass. Which resulted in a trip to the ER...my very first trip...and 24 stitches in my pinky and ring finger...OUCH!! I went in today to get my stitches out. On the outside it looked better, I was so excited...it hurt more than I expected...and I hadn't eaten much, my heart was racing and I was sweating, I didn't see this ending well. I just took lots of deep breaths and it was all said and done in 20 minutes. However she still had to wrap them up and put those paper stitches on...you see on the outside to the untrained eye it looked better. However, it just wasn't as healed as it needed to be.


Just like me, my heart. My fingers will heal 100% soon. My heart will heal fully eventually until then I lean on my heavenly father and those friends he has placed in my life to help me in this process. The reason I know God is up to something...I'm alive and I'm uncomfortable and I'm at peace.


Prayers for you and yours, in whatever season you find yourself lean on Him who gives us strength, hope, and endures all things right alongside us.