Holding On

As most of you know we have two little boys, man these boys amaze me. How can they be growing so quickly? They change in some way every day. Some days are fun, spent getting dirty, exploring, riding bicycles, learning just being kids. Other days are not so fun, they are the every day the mundane the life in the middle on the way to the mountain tops or valleys. Regardless each day is a gift, each day is a day we will never see again and it’s a new chance to be their mom. Those days are often the hardest but there always seems to be a greater purpose at the end.

These two sweet boys are now 4 and 2, they are outgoing, adventurous, strong, bold, fearless, hungry, dirty, all out. So when one of them has a toy that is “theirs” for that day if they see the other has it…let’s just say you better watch out…Well this morning our youngest got a hold of big brothers car, he hadn’t seen it in months but we found it a few days ago in the couch so now it belongs to HIM!! For the first little bit big brother didn’t notice (SCORE: little brother winJ) then big brother noticed…oh man. You can just imagine the fit that followed that realization. That fit lead to hyperventilating, loud crying, the crying you can’t really get away from that only gets worse as they grow, throwing pretty much anything in the near vicinity, running, chasing trying to get THAT car back. Life as we know it cannot move forward until THAT car is back in his hands. So like any good parent, I tried to just move forward, finish getting ready, working around the fit and just more or less letting it take its course. I mean how long can this really go on…it is just a car?! Little did I know, it could last a while, it lasted through changing clothes, loading them into the car, and about half way there calm fell over the car…UNTIL little brother started playing with the car again. Cue screaming, hysterical 4 year old.  Driving through that is not easy…so I tried appealing to our youngest. I turned back and (quickly) asked, “Please, share that car with your big brother.” He did it. He shared!!!! Sigh of relief…didn’t see it coming but I’m thankful he was just as annoyed with the fit as I was. Then it hit me…it’s all about letting go.

At some point in life there are times when we need to hold on to things tightly, other times we need to just let go. The longer he held on to the car the longer the fit would go on. You see some things are meant to be held on to and it will end well, some things aren’t. The longer we hold on the deeper the hurt, the deeper the wound, the deeper we get in. You see it seems harmless, after all it’s just a car and he will eventually move on right?! True, but is that car worth that friendship, relationship? My guess is no, typically it’s not.

Deep down I think our little boy was just worn down but I also think he knew that his brother wanted that car more than he did. Don’t we all want to meet the needs of those we love? We want to help them out and speak to those deepest desires that say we love you and we would give up THAT toy for you, you are worth more than any one thing.

Choosing the greater good, letting go, moving forward, that’s where we find love, unity, and others who are there beside us. You see we are bound together and more often than not we hold on to things that come between us. I don’t think we always see it like that though. I’m pretty sure we see the thing we are holding on to of upmost importance, we don’t see the cost of that, so we don’t see the value of letting it go. Standing on one side of holding on, I see the value of letting go. Trust me it’s worth it. Not only is the peace and quiet worth it, the company, the companionship, love, unity, joy.

Yes it is always worth letting go, especially in the right time, yes it is very hard to know when to hold on and when to let go. Lots of prayer, support and love, will get you through it and you will see how wonderful and freeing it is to let go. I know it feels like you need to hold on, what price are you paying to hold on? Stress? Strained relationships?

On the flip side when the time is right its worth holding on. You see this is a weird balance. Holding on is needed sometimes. Hope is worth holding on to no matter what.

You see those two boys in the backseat; in this tiny seemingly meaningless argument learned something. They learned that it is better to let go some times. They learned that they are supposed to value the other person more than an object. They learned that they are responsible for the decisions they make. They learned that their decision to hold on to something impacts other people (often more than you realize). They learn so much every day especially on those normal days. That’s why those rough, mundane, seemingly long days are worth it, so worth it. I want them to learn now; I love them too much to wait until they will choose something that will cost a lot more than the loss of a toy car and some tears. They deserve that.

What will you choose today? Do you need to hold on a little more even though you’re tired of the battle? Do you need to let go and let healing, love, joy, peace come through? You can’t have one without the other.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

There is a time for everything,
    and a season for every activity under the heavens:

²     a time to be born and a time to die,
    a time to plant and a time to uproot,
³     a time to kill and a time to heal,
    a time to tear down and a time to build,
⁴     a time to weep and a time to laugh,
    a time to mourn and a time to dance,
⁵     a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
    a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
⁶     a time to search and a time to give up,
    a time to keep and a time to throw away,
⁷     a time to tear and a time to mend,
    a time to be silent and a time to speak,
⁸     a time to love and a time to hate,
    a time for war and a time for peace.

 

the two become one flesh

I’ve had the idea to write about our marriage a few times and just couldn’t get past a certain point…I get stuck sometimes…writers block or maybe just two boys who need extra attention or it’s just not the right time to write about it.

However today/this week my hubby has been on my heart. You see he is one of the strongest men I know nothing really gets him down. If you know him, you know he has a super positive outlook on life he, he loves summer, he loves food, he loves running but most of all he loves his family, he takes time after his early morning runs to read his bible and lift us up  in prayer. I love and respect this man with all my heart.

You see when I was growing up I always imagined growing up, getting married and having a family. That was my dream; sure I wanted to be a dancer or ice skater or musician, but most of all I desired to be a wife and mom. I prayed for that and longed for that. One of my earliest memories of my dad was him saying “no boys until after college” and one of their earliest stories of my sister and I is me telling her the same thing. (little secret…it didn’t work…my dad knew his little girl really well)

As I got older I heard that mantra several times, and didn’t like it most days, I mean hello. You could say it was my deepest desire. I had lots of crushes, a couple boyfriends, but I did try to stay away from boys because it was important to put God first, figure out what his plan for me was and be independent. As I graduated from high school and headed to college, I knew I would find the man of my dreams there. (another thing about my parents was they always strived to raise us to be adults, my favorite company was those older than me, you could have deep conversations with them. I preferred adults to my peers my age) So when I met Daniel we talked, and talked. We really got to know each other, we had a blast just being in each other’s presence. We would have great deep conversations, and as we did we got closer and closer. It felt right in so many ways, he encouraged me to be me, and he helped me in school. I knew he was the man of my dreams, I felt it in my heart of hearts. You know that peace that surpasses all understanding, it was right there in the middle of it all.

….

It all happened really fast, I had a mentor in high school who told us that when you met the person you were meant to be with, “you just know, it feels right.” In the midst of it all I found that to be true… I just knew. I can tell you now going on 7 years later I love him more today than I ever thought was possible.

Ok don’t get me wrong, there are tough spots, we don’t see eye to eye, life is crazy, sometimes in life we are ships passing in the night, other times are wonderful. There will always be hard times I mean, come one we marry the two are becoming one flesh, it’s a process of becoming one. 6.5 years into our marriage I’m getting more of a glimpse of this concept. I get that feeling deep down that something just isn’t right with him, that’s where I’m called to intercede in prayer for him. There’s those moments when he’s sick and I can “feel” it, my heart breaks for him. The great thing is it goes both ways, I know he’s down in the trenches with me. On days when I’m having a bad day he steps up to the plate and takes over, lets me get out or just have some quiet time. When the house is in a state of disarray he jumps in and helps. We feel deeply for each others’ pain, we have joy for one another when we have a victory, when one hurts the other hurts, we are becoming one flesh.

That’s our calling for our marriages, to be each others’ help mate to hold one another accountable, to build each other up and complement our weaknesses. Embracing one another and not letting us stay the same but grow. Pushing one another to being the best us as possible, that’s why I will always be at the finish line with our boys cheering him on at his marathons, that’s why I will cook him meals to accommodate his running which has helped all of us be healthier. His passions have stretched all of us as do mine. Embrace one another’s strengths, come together to overcome weaknesses; strive to see the positive remember their good qualities, why you married them and why you love them. Let those things overshadow their faults. Be encouraged friends

Genesis 2: 23-25

This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man.

That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife and they become one flesh.

Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.

 

Embracing Butterflies

If there is one thing I’ve learned from being a parent is that life is full of those moments/choices that make us feel uncomfortable. Watching your little one ride their bicycle for the first time… Seeing them push past fears (and yours)… seeing them achieve… seeing them fall/fail… That moment I feel butterflies in my tummy, and depending on the moment my heart stops, sometimes I forget to breathe.  In the end no matter what I’m so proud of them.

These butterflies aren’t anything new, especially for me; I get them over simple things like making a phone call or going to a party or gathering with a lot of people. These butterflies have just become part of life, most of the time they are frustrating. I wish I could just do these things without having to push past that feeling. That constant nagging that something could go wrong…that I could say something wrong and look stupid. However there is a good side to these butterflies, I get butterflies when I’m reuniting with friends after a long time apart, when I’m picking my hubby up from the airport.

These butterflies…oh these butterflies…I’m learning daily how to embrace them. These butterflies often precede something incredible happening, sometimes they are my internal warning system. They are my daily reminder that I have the Holy Spirit. That gentle nudging, to let go, move forward, act, encourage, speak, go, listen. I’ve learned a lot through my life that these butterflies are worth listening to, and more importantly worth embracing. Although I’m not great at embracing them as I feel I should be. I’m afraid of where they will take me.  What boundaries that I have put in place will be pushed?  Is it worth pushing through it? How can I ignore this? Won’t this feeling pass?

Well let me share my most recent experiences with my butterflies…

The first started with an outing with our Sunday school class…our class is awesome. Each month we plan a service Sunday where we as a class and sometimes we are able to even take our families along. Well this last month we chose to serve some people in our community lunch. (A few things about me 1. I love food and I love cooking for others 2. As you probably could assume from above I’m not a confident conversationalist) So I’m all about the food part and serving the second half…ummm not so much…so despite my greatest efforts to skip this service Sunday. Things aligned where there was no excuses left (except for me to flat out say I didn’t want to go) my plans to pick up my friend from the airport switched to the day before, the boys were in great moods. We were meant to be there…I wasn’t comfortable…as Sunday progressed my anxiety levels rose…I prayed for peace, a calming….I had a feeling we were called to go so by the end of it I embraced the butterflies packed up some food and we headed to church. We briefed our boys who were as equally excited about participating as their daddy and we headed out. I’m so socially awkward sometimes…but do you know what?? That doesn’t matter. We weren’t called there for me to engage the community we were serving. Sure maybe I made an impact but I was there to support those who are GREAT at communicating. We are all created equally, we are the body of Christ all working together to further the kingdom. Without a single part of the body functioning as it should, the body isn’t efficient; it’s not fulfilling its purpose. I was reminded about 1 Corinthians 12:12-31 What I learned from embracing these butterflies…God isn’t calling me to be someone I’m not created to be he’s calling me to be me to excel there and trust him in that. He knows when I need to be stretched and I know when he’s stretching me…he won’t blind side me with that. I trust him…he’s well worth your trust.

The second was a road trip. Oh man I was anxious about this trip…I wasn’t sure if it was the good or bad anxiety. After weighing all things we came to the conclusion that I was just over thinking it.SOO despite my greatest reservations our two little boys and I packed up the car and headed to Missouri leaving daddy at home. The plan was for us to drive and him to fly up and meet us when he could get off work. I was afraid of all the what if’s…turns out I have a very vivid imagination…not in a good way. However I decided to embrace it…yes it was messy, it was long, it was crazy but we got an extra 3 days and it was so relaxing. I learned to tell my imagination to chill, to embrace the craziness that is road tripping with two boys under 4 alone, and trust that in the end it would be worth it. You know the less I let myself think and dwell about things and the faster I turn them over…the easier it is.

Sure its getting a tiny bit easier to embrace my butterflies but its hard…I don’t like them most of the time and I’m still running away from some butterflies but that’s another story for another day. The butterflies that are telling you…you’re anxious about stopping by a friend’s house are worth embracing, the butterflies that are pushing your comfort zone in good ways are worth embracing. Whatever, your butterflies embrace them. Get used to that feeling in your gut…embrace it, listen to it, pray about it.

Blessings and Love…Until we meet again

1 Corinthians 12:12-31

Unity and Diversity in the Body

¹² Just as a body, though one, has many parts, but all its many parts form one body, so it is with Christ. ¹³ For we were all baptized by^[c] one Spirit so as to form one body—whether Jews or Gentiles, slave or free—and we were all given the one Spirit to drink. ¹⁴ Even so the body is not made up of one part but of many.

¹⁵ Now if the foot should say, “Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body,” it would not for that reason stop being part of the body. ¹⁶ And if the ear should say, “Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body,” it would not for that reason stop being part of the body. ¹⁷ If the whole body were an eye, where would the sense of hearing be? If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be? ¹⁸ But in fact God has placed the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be. ¹⁹ If they were all one part, where would the body be? ²⁰ As it is, there are many parts, but one body.

²¹ The eye cannot say to the hand, “I don’t need you!” And the head cannot say to the feet, “I don’t need you!” ²² On the contrary, those parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, ²³ and the parts that we think are less honorable we treat with special honor. And the parts that are unpresentable are treated with special modesty, ²⁴ while our presentable parts need no special treatment. But God has put the body together, giving greater honor to the parts that lacked it, ²⁵ so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other. ²⁶ If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it.

²⁷ Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it. ²⁸ And God has placed in the church first of all apostles, second prophets, third teachers, then miracles, then gifts of healing, of helping, of guidance, and of different kinds of tongues. ²⁹ Are all apostles? Are all prophets? Are all teachers? Do all work miracles? ³⁰ Do all have gifts of healing? Do all speak in tongues^[d]? Do all interpret? ³¹ Now eagerly desire the greater gifts.