Fear

Well it looks as though I will write a blog post once a month. oops :) Today I want to talk to you about fear. Fear plays such a huge role in my life, and I'm not sure why I let it get in the way of so many aspects of my life which is beyond frustrating to me. But sometimes fear/anxiety/worry is paralyzing, and that makes me want to scream. Because I know that God has my back, I KNOW that God has equipped me to overcome. Why doesn't that overcome my fear? I think the better question is Why wont I let it overcome my fear? because in fear I'm "comfortable" "safe" NOT TRUE. I have let those lies and whispers get way to close to me.

I have always looked at fear/anxiety/worry in such a negative light. I have felt that those butterflies in my stomach when I'm so close to pushing and stretching my boundaries go crazy and instead of embracing them. I all to often turn and RUN the other way. I flee from it, even though I know beyond a shadow of a doubt something great, amazing and beautiful is on the other side of it. I often wonder how much greatness I  have missed out on because, it is so easy to just run instead of facing fear, uncomfortable, anxiety.

I really wish I could say that I have left this in my past, that in some miraculous way God has delivered me from it. Not so, but I have seen that God continues to work with me through this. I know that who I am today, is a direct result of becoming a wife, the blessing of becoming a mother, graduating college. Standing up for myself and my beliefs despite criticism and very hurtful words from those who were the closest to me.

One way I see God equipping me to not only face my fears, and confront my fears but to conquer them is with my two precious boys. J and C do things on a daily basis that stretch me out of my comfort zone. There is one day though that is still just a vivid in my memory as the day it happened. I was reminded of this awesome God Story yesterday when I went in my room to find J not only not sleeping, and not even in the same room I left him in to nap. He was going through my jewelry box, where I don't only keep jewelry but keepsakes. One thing you will find in there is three small red rocks.

We were living in Lakewood, CO with friends, in the transition between Colorado and Texas, I was 8 months pregnant with C and J was 19 months and very curious. J and I were home and I decided to take a shower, I left J in the bathroom with me thinking oh he will be fine,. When I looked out of the shower to check on him he was gone, again this was fairly normal, I figured he just went to find a different toy. a few minutes later J came back in the bathroom and gave me two small red rocks. I said, "Oh thank you." and he ran off at first I didn't think much about it then it hit me like a ton of bricks. OH MY GOSH where did he get those rocks. I grabbed a towel and ran out of the bathroom to find him. As I go down the hallway I look out the window in the living room and I see my precious baby boy running back to the house from outside, where he found his rocks. There was snow on the ground, he had a huge grin on his face he was so proud of himself. I had forgot to even check that the front door was locked, because surely he wont leave the house. I have seen my response to fear change since we welcomed our boys into the world, in some ways, some fears are easier to face. I can handle those because I know I have to. I know there are two little boys depending on me to do everything I can to save them, to protect them. They don't care, they depend on me.


My fears sometimes are debilitating, and paralyzing, but I know they are worth facing. I also know that I can face them because the Holy Sprit is living in me, he gives me courage, strength, peace, comfort,

Isaiah 41:10
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous hand.

1 Peter 5:7
Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

Philippians 4:6
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

May we all go in peace, May God be with you until we meet again!