its been way too long since I've written and I can blame it on a lot of things like being way to busy in the midst of ever changing seasons, too much stuff going on, writers block, business stuff, family stuff the truth is it's a little bit of all of it. Life feels bigger than it should be right now. We are in this weird season of life where more things seem unknown and uncertain that known and certain. There is a lot of patient, prayerful waiting and a whole lot more impatient waiting. That season where you aren't sure wether you are over or under committed to too many good things and where that ever changing line of enough and too much.
Over the past few months I've sat down several times to write to only get half way through and have no where else to go...the words just aren't there and they aren't right. I mean after all hindsight is 20/20 and we are still in the thick of it...and that's ok...you see I don't have to understand it, to grasp it, to wrap this brain of mine around it, I just need to let it go, to let God and just be held. Let me tell you it's so hard. This year has been dubbed our year of getting comfortable being uncomfortable and just when I think we are about as uncomfortable as we can be something else comes and blows my perspective off center.
Embracing this change and the things that God is laying before us is difficult, rewarding, sweet, uncertain, and oh so worth it. Sometimes in the midst of anxiety I get lost I feel as though I'm suffocating and spinning out of control. There are moments of clarity and today, day two of too much anxiety and way past over the feeling...clarity. These times when the anxiety seems to be at its highest is nearest to the areas that can be strongholds. Family for me is a place where the enemy can send me veering off course for miles on end before I can even grasp where I'm going. God's working on that, but is requiring me to let go of it all. It's requiring me to change my hope, my focus, to turn my eyes off of this gaping wound that is still there despite the efforts of healing, and onto my savior. It's in these moments of clarity that I see that there is always a reason God places things in your life. There are two things that help me worship my savior, baking and music...my songs during this season of life that pour life into my soul? Oceans, Just Be Held, Touch the Sky and Holy Spirit...every one of them...surrender, laying it down, laying it all out there, and dwelling there in the arms of my Father, the Holy Spirit and my Savior.
I don't have a clue what the rest of this season looks like but I know God's got it, just praying our way through it and keeping our eyes on him. The question today in BSF that spoke right into the middle of this struggle was this... What is your attitude when your comfort is compromised? Praying that we endure the seasons God has called us to even when we would rather escape. He has some big things and small things coming together lets press into him in the midst of the discomfort and uncertainty.
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